Why is Dirtbunny so tired today?

WARNING: THIS POST IS RATED "P" FOR POOP!

I think Kirby is in love with his vet, Dr. Ginger. She's shaped kind of like me, and has hair kind of like mine, but she's younger, her boobs are bigger, and she's got a nose stud. I'm a little jealous. It hs been about three weeks since we last took him to the vet, and I suppose he's a little lonely for her, so he's decided to have ... oh hell I'm just going to say it .... diarrhea. He's happy and goofy and in a wonderful mood, but he has to go. A lot.

Last night, he went five times. The first three, Mr. D took care of, which is not to say that I didn't get to hear all about it. Mr. D does not like being woken up in the middle of the night for dog crises. I'm hearing impaired, so I can often sleep through dog drama, but he can't, and he resents it.  So after the third time, he announced that he was done and he stormed off to the other room and closed the door behind him and left me alone in the room with a sleepy and confused Tiki, an illin' Kirby, and a very expensive persian rug that I like very very much. Naturally, because I was so addled with sleep, I promptly went back to the land of nod.


Two hours later, Kirby woke me up. I don't know how, because he never barks and he won't try to nudge me awake or anything, but there he was, pacing the floor, looking up at me, and panting like crazy.


I have a theory that most people are either asleep or awake. Not me. Under the best of circumstances, I have a long period of about 20 minutes to an hour, depending, of semi-conscious where-the-hell-am-I and I have a very hard time forcing myself awake. I was able to register, barely, that Kirby needed to go out. A little while later, I realized I was going to have to take him out. Then I decided I needed shoes and pants and glasses, and I managed to drag myself up and stagger (literally. I was stumbling and weaving.) around to get shoes, and on the way, I stepped in.... umm...... something squishy on my expensive rug that I like very very much, and so then I ended up wiping my feet on the bathroom rug before I could put my shoes on, only my feet were still a little......ummm......smeared and Kirby was dancing around saying HURRY UP I GOTTA GO!!!!! and so I staggered out to the kitchen with my smeary feet. And then I remembered that Kirby likes to wander outside at night, so I needed to leash him, and that meant I had to find his bling and that took a while and Kirby is about to explode but we finally make it outside, me staggering and weaving the whole time. Poor guy. We spent about ten minutes out there in an lightning storm while he took care of business and tried to feel better and I managed not to lose my balance or fall down.


Next, we went in. I took off my shoes and wiped the smear off my foot. Then I wiped his poor little doggy butt before he wiped it himself on my furniture and then I got to clean the.....ummmm.......stuff off my expensive rug that I like very very much. There was a moment there when I thought I was going to vomit on top of the, um, stuff, but I managed to keep it down and then I finished and took the cleaning stuff out to the deck to put in the poop can just as the skies opened up on me and got me good and drenched. By now, because of the storm, Tiki was all upset and anxious, so the three of us got in bed, they put me in a rather constricting sandwich nd we finally, blessedly, fell asleep, and stayed that way until my alarm went off at 5:45 am. At which point I hit the snooze for half an hour, and then I sat up and groggily stared at my cup of coffee for about fifteen minutes, and then I started to drink my coffee and I slowly woke up.



Four things:



1. That coffee didn't just come down from the sky. Mr. D brought it to me and set it down by my bedside for when I was ready for it. He makes awesome coffee.


2. These are the shoes I wore outside last night:

They don't match. I suppose it's a big accomplishment that I got Kirby outside safely at all. They still have, um, stuff in them that I have to clean up at some point.

3. We are going to the vet today. hurrah

4. I did a really good job on the stuff that was on the rug, which is rather remarkable in light of the problem with the shoes.