Dawn Patrol

So here I am, up real real early to start my workday and report the news.

1. We had about a foot and a half of snow this weekend.  It's hard to know exactly because it has been windy and there is a fair amount of drifting.  The snow is taller than the dogs.
2. The government and the schools are closed today.  Also, no trash pickup.  They never cancel trash pickup!  And it's all good because we can't get the trash cans out of the garage and down the hill anyway.
3. I just five minutes ago fnished the last of my secret Christmas stuff.  Now I can knit on something fun for me.
4. The Man has shoveled us a path down the front stairs to the street, and he has shoveled the public sidewalks adjacent to the house (we are on the corner, so that's A LOT of shoveling), he has carved out a space around the car on three sides (although there is still a wall of snow between the car and the street), and he scratched out a little path out the sliding glass door to a dog potty area.  The deck and the back door are impassable, as is the driveway.
5. Kirby keeps trying to climb the snow wall at the end of the dog potty path so he can frolic.  (I don't think he understands that the snow on the other side of that wall  is deeper than he is tall.)
6. Tiki finds the limited potty area to be unsatisfactory (he has some favorite places he likes to go, and he rotates them so nothing gets used but every so often), so he has been protesting by leaving piles on the rug in the middle of the night.
7. It has also been snowing in Tuscany, Lombardy, Emilia-Romagna, Liguria, Friuli, and the Veneto, so a lot of Italian football games were cancelled this weekend.  Bummer.
8. I have been baking up a storm.
9. The Man has been alternating between grumping about the shoveling and grumping about the dishes created by the baking.  He's trying hard not to be a pill about it.  Maybe when the shoveling is done he'll be able to appreciate our winter wonderland.
10. Except for a few loose ends, the work on the HellHole is done.  At last!
11. Bianconeri beat the league leaders, then bombed out of Champions League in ignominious fashion, then lost pathetically to a team that just got promoted.  They played the worst team in Serie A yesterday.  I'm afraid to look.
12. It's best not to mention Liverpool FC right now.
13. Despite the snow and the so-far-inadequate street plowing, every yahoo with an SUV has been parading up and down the street.  Where are they all going?  I refuse to believe that they are all doctors and nurses pulling emergency shifts at the hospitals.  I think they are mostly victims of Big Mac Attacks and Mall Withdrawal.  Dummies.
14. Kirby would like you to know that it is now light out so that means it's time for his breakfast you stupid humans so can we please feed the Kirby?  That means I gotta go.

The Daily Decrepit

Surprise!

That bit of rotted-out wood under the roofline?  That's not trim.  That's structural!

Option A:  Rip off the 3-year-old roof, replace the beam, rebuild the roof, and then paint.

Option B:  Treat it as best you can, cover it carefully with a piece of composite trim, caulk it half to death, and then paint.

Option C:  Give up, sell the house, and live in a box in the woods down by the elementary school.

Marco Mercoledi

No, this is not a Champions League week.  That's next week.  This is an International Break week, with WCQs for some and friendlies for everyone else.  Italy played the Oranje on Saturday in a game that was not nearly as interesting as it should have been.  They play Sweden later today, which should be interesting because ....  never mind.  He's DeadToMe so what do I care?

One cool thing about friendlies is that there is nothing at stake so Il Mister will sometimes use the matches as opportunities to try out experimental lineups, which means that he calls up people he might not ordinarily call up.  Like Marco.  see what I did there?  I got to the point.  One would like to believe that Marco is getting a genuine opportunity to prove himself to Il Mister so he can get a call up to the big show next summer.  Il Mister, however, is a rigid idiot who already knows who he is going to call up and nothing that happens in the meantime is going to change his mind even if it should no matter how hard Gigi tries to talk sense into him behind the scenes.

Ahem.  Marco.

Here he is fixin to take a strike on goal against Liverpool FC in Champions League earlier this year.  He plays for the Viola.  Viola and The Reds are in Group E along with Hungarian underdogs Debrecen and the French national diving team Olympique Lyon.  There are two games left, with three points available per game, the top two teams in the group advance to the knockout stage, and the table looks like this:

Froggies:  10 pts
Viola:       9 pts
Reds:        4 pts
Debrecen:  0 pts (sad but true)

The Man likes a lot of football teams, but his absolute favorite is The Reds.  Bunny likes The Reds more than any other stupid English Premiere League team, but she likes Viola more.  She likes Marco and she likes JuanManuelVargas and she likes Seb Frey and she likes Comotto and Gamberini and Dainelli and she kind of likes Alberto Gilardino and his perma-gloom and  she finds all the drama of Adi Mutu very entertaining.

So there's that.  Also, it is nearing time for UEFA to re-run its coefficients to determine how many Champions League slots are allotted to each league and the conventional wisdom is that Italy will lose one of its four slots to the Bundesliga (!!!!!) if the Italian teams underperform in Champions League this year.  I have no idea how UEFA's coefficient system works, but I do know that UEFA's coefficient system seeded AC Milan higher that Inter Milan this year, and Bayern Munich higher than Wolfsburg, and Sevilla higher than Real Madrid.  Clearly, UEFA's coefficient system is fucked and cannot be trusted.  Ergo, Italian teams must do well in Champions League this year.  And that's another reason for Dirtbunny to prefer Viola over The Reds.

Have you done your math yet?  For The Reds to advance, they must win both of their remaining matches AND Viola must lose both of their remaining matches. 

Let's pause while you consider the implications of that, and I'll learn you on the remaining Group E schedule:

Nov. 24:  Debrecen v Liverpool; Viola v the frogs

Dec. 9:    Liverpool v Viola; the frogs v Debrecen


On November 24, Dirtbunny will be rooting for The Reds and Viola.  The Man will be rooting for The Reds and the frogs.  The Frogs.  The Frogs to beat Viola at Viola.

On December 9, Dirtbunny will be rooting for Viola and the Hungarian Underdogs.  The Man will be rooting for The Reds and the Hungarian Underdogs.

My cyberfriends are shocked and horrified that The Man and I actually watch matches together when we have comepting rooting interests, and we do pretty well once he acknowledges the obvious superiority of my preferences, but we have never faced a situation like this before.  I dunno.  We certainly agree that Lisandro is evil (even though he is an Argie and we generally like Argies), but how can I live with someone who wants Lisandro and his ilk to beat my Viola?

Hellhole Roll Call

DB:  Let’s begin. Okay then. Dennis?


Dennis: Yo.

DB: Do you have the keys to my shed? We couldn’t get in there this weekend.

Dennis: Yeah. Sorry bout that.

DB: Gilberto?

Gilberto: Yes, ma’am.

DB: Happy Birthday.

Gilberto: Thank you.

Kirby:  I’m here. *trembles*

DB: I know sweetie.

Anxiety: BOO!

DB: Wait your turn. Carlos?

Carlos: Yes.

Kirby:  I’m here. *trembles*

DB: Jose?

Jose: Si.

Kirby:  I’m here. *trembles*

DB: Yes, Kirby. Mike?

Carlos: He’s coming later.

DB: OK.

Anxiety: Yayayayayayaya! *cackles*

DB: I said wait your turn.

Gilberto: Excuse me. May I show you something in the garage please?

DB: *sighs* Yes. I’ll be right there.


~pauses to examine garage~


DB: Okay. That was fun.

Kirby:  I’m here. *trembles*

Anxiety: NINETY NINE BOTTLE OF BEER ON THE WALL, NINETY-NINE BOTTLES OF BEEEEEEEERRRRRR...

DB: *ignores* Uncle Sam?

Uncle Sam: I’m here. You know it. I know it. The American people know it.

Kirby:  I’m here. *trembles*

DB: *pats Kirby*

Anxiety: TAKE ONE DOWN AND PASS IT AROUND, NINETY-NINE BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL....

DB: Tiki?

Tiki: zzzzz, huh? food? wha? no? zzzzzzzz

Kirby:    I’m here. *trembles*

Anethea the dog walker: TEEEEEEEKEEEEEEEE! KIRRRRBEEEEEEE! WHERE’S MY BOYEEEEES?

Kirby: ONOZ! *hides*

Tiki: zzzzzzz wha? gimme a belly rub *rolls over*

Anxiety: YOU SUUUUUUUUUUCK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOSER!

DB: Shut up and wait your turn. Garage door guy 1?

Garage Door guy 1: yeah

DB: Garage Door guy 2?

Garage Door guy 2: yeah. Hey. Can you get them to move the truck?

DB: Yes. Just a minute. *large crash from the attic*

Anxiety: I WON’T SHUT UP! juuuuust SIT RIGHT BACK AND YOU’LL HEAR A TALE. A TALE OF A FATEFUL TRIP. THAT STARTED FROM THIS TROPIC PORT ABOARD THIS TINY SHIP

DB: Garage Door guy 3?

Garage Door guy 2: He’s outside.

DB: Very well. Major Depression, Chronic, Recurrent?

Major Depression, Chronic, Recurrent: *rolls over and pulls covers over her head*

DB: That’s constructive.

Anxiety: THE MATE WAS A MIGHTY SAILING MAN, THE SKIPPER BRAVE AND SURE. FIVE PASSENGERS SET SAIL THAT DAY FOR A THREE HOUR TOUR.

DB: Window man?

Anethea the dog walker:  SEE YA TOMORROW!!!!

Kirby: Save me Bunny *trembles*

Anxiety: A THREE HOUR TOUR!

Major Depression, Chronic, Recurrent:   Fuck you all!

DB: Window man? *power tool revs up in garage*

Window Man: um yeah. Where’s the window?

DB: *shows him*

Anxiety: THE WEATHER STARTED GETTING ROUGH, THE TINY SHIP WAS TOSSED.  IF NOT FOR THE COURAGE OF THE FEARLESS CREW THE MINNOW WOULD BE LOST.

Carlos: May I use your bathroom?

DB: Of course. *shows him*

Anxiety: THE MINNOW WOULD BE LOST! *LIGHTNING CRASHES*

*telephone rings*

The Man:   Hey Bunny, How’s it going?

Anxiety: THE SHIP SET DOWN ON THE SHORE OF THIS UNCHARTED DESERT ISLE

DB: Can I call you back?

Gilberto: Excuse me. May I show you something up on the roof?

The Man: I guess. *grumps* Bye. *hangs up*

Anxiety: WITH GIIIIIILIGAAAAANNNNNNNNN

DB: *goes with Gilberto*

~pause to examine the roof~

DB:  *returns*

Kirby:  Where were you?  It was terrible! *trembles*

Major Depression, Chronic, Recurrent: I told you so

Carlos’s Boss: *comes in and starts poking around*

Uncle Sam:  Ahem.  I am paying you to write memos, aren't I?

DB:  Yes sir right away sir.  *writes a memo*

Anxiety: THE SKIPPER TOOOOOOOOO

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

Window guy: Can I get you to sign something?

Major Depression, Chronic, Recurrent: dumbass. what were you thinking? living in a hellhole is all you deserve 

DB: Gio?

Imaginary Gio: Yes, love. What do you need?

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

DB: Alessa?

Anxiety: THE MILLIONAIRRRRRRE

DB:  ALESSA?!

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

ADP: You’re OK. Take a deep breath.

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

Anxiety: AND HIS WIFE

DB: *whimpers*

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

Imaginary Gio: I’ve got this. You go talk to Alessa. I can handle these guys.

DB: *pats Kirby*

Anxiety: THE MOOOOOOOVIE STAHR!

Gilberto: Excuse me. May I show you something outside?

Imaginary Gio: Yeah, Gilberto. Why don’t you talk to me about this? *goes off with Gilberto*

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

DB: *whimpers*

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

Anxiety: THE PERFESSER AAAAAND MARYAAAAANNNNNNNNN

ADP: *puts arm around DB* I’ve got you.

Anxiety: HEEEEEEERE ON GIIILIGAN’S IIIIIIILSE!

ADP: Let’s pretend it's raining. I’ll close all the blinds so it’s dark, put on the thunderstorm CD really loud, and light some candles. You just relax and take a deep breath.  Kirby, you go sit over there on your dog bed and hush, OK?




DB: *sits over there and takes a deep breath*



ADP: Have a Prosecco, Bunny. *loud crash from the attic*

DB: *whimpers*

ADP: Don’t worry about that. Let Gio handle it.  *puts arms around Dirtbunny and rocks her*



DB: *takes a deep breath*

ADP: Good girl. You can do it.





DB: Oh Alessa, you’re so good to me.

ADP: Only the best for my Dirtbunny.

Luca Lunedi

Here he is in happier days, training with the smurfs, who may or may not have won their friendly against the Oranje on Saturday (I'll find out soon enough)

Clockwise:  Loooca, Marco Amelia, DDR (with hair!), Alberto Gilardino, Fabi, Vincenzo Iaquinta That Dumbass* (with too much hair), Angelo Palombo, and Daniela Bonera.

The Daily Decrepit

I love rain, but every silver lining has a cloud.

The Daily Decrepit

There are so many layers of decrepit here, I don't know where to begin, so I'll let you do the counting.  By the way, the metal grill there belongs to a package heating and cooling unit that is itself a noisy/stinky/inefficient/energy-wasting piece of crap.  Plus ugly, on the inside AND the outside.

Don't worry.  Even though he was not allowed outside during the photo shoot, Kirby kept close tabs on me.  Yarn Bandit is over there on the blue cushion, taking care of number one and not giving a damn about me.

The Daily Decrepit

Guess how much it is going to cost to replace this tiny little rotted-out window in the attic?

If you want to see my latest rant and don't usually bother with the stupid knitting stuff, click here.

The Daily Decrepit

You could probably kick the garage door down if you wanted, at least you could if you have legs.  If you don't have legs, you'll have to use a flyswatter.

That's OK though, because this is what's in the garage.

Except the tools, which went home with Edwin.  So where, you might ask, is all the stuff one customarily finds in Dirtbunny's garage?

It's in the house.  I try not to think about it.

The Daily Decrepit

Do we have bugs?

Yes.  Yes, we do.

Dirtbunny Loves Edwin

Edwin is Dirtbunny's electrician.  He fixes bad stuff and makes it work.  He is a highly-trained, licensed professional, just like Dirtbunny.  When the wiring that powered, among other things, the television (OHNOZ!) blew a few years ago, it was Edwin who pointed out that we could run (get this) an extension cord from a good outlet to power the toob until the bad wiring could be replaced.  Dirtbunny is living proof that no mere layperson could figure that out; it takes a qualified electrician.  Not only did he give that advice, he did not follow it with "you idiot," "dumbass," "morons," or anything of the like.  He has kept this nightmare of a DIY-built shack from bursting into flames.  I love him, and you can't have him.

The Daily Decrepit

If you come for a visit, please don't use the front stairs.  We don't want to get sued.  Thankyouverymuch.

The Daily Decrepit

A.  No gutters, OR

B:  This gutter:

You decide.

Marco Mercoledi Venerdi

But first, here's your "daily" decrepit:

And now on with our show.










Mmmmmmm, Marco.  Yeah, that's right, you don't care so you don't get a Marcophoto, even though he scored this week, about which you also don't care.

This passive-aggressive post was brought to you by Dirtbunny, center of attention since 1967.

Happy Hellhole

It's better in a hellhole

You know where you stand in a hellhole

Folks lend a hand in a hellhole

Girl get me back to my hellhole

---David St. Hubbins & Nigel Tufnel

Sometimes, the level of decrepitude with which I am surrounded is mindboggling.

How did this happen?  I really wish I still had a live-in Daddy to take care of all this stuff so I could just knit and watch futbol all day.  (Serie A has midweek fixtures today and tomorrow.  Juve versus Samp.  Yikes.)  But I don't.  I am required to be a grownup, and so I am.

In this time of turmoil, The Boys are willing to have a little more together time than previously.

Look!  They're sharing!  Aww.  There has also been some learning:

Wise Kirby, figuring out after 3 1/2 years that sometimes it's a waste of dogtime to follow Dirtbunny all the way down to the basement if she's only going to be down there for a few seconds.  So he waits, on yellow alert, at the top of the stairs for her to come back.  If she takes "too long" according to his internal dogtime reckoning, he whines, then he comes down anyway.


No learning going on here:

Always, ALWAYS checking for food, even though he's not getting any.

Which one is the cutest?  Which one is the good-est?  Which one is the nicest?  I can't decide either.

Luca Lunedi Mercoledi

He's baaaaaack.

Not scoring goals, of course, but he's starting for Bayern Munich again, and he's flailing around inthe box as usual, drawing lots of defenders and freeing up other strikers to score.  And he got a haircut.

All Wound Up

That may sound like a good thing, but The Man will be happy to assure you that it is not.  When Dirtbunny is All Wound Up, that means someone/something/some combination of multiple someones/somethings has turned her crank really hard and her spring is about to  SPROIIINNNNNGGGG!   Not good.  We will be working on the Deep Breaths, the GoToYourQuietPlaces, Hey!  Why the hell is a County Police patrol car driving back and forth in front of the house?--  Where was I?  Oh yeah, my calming strategies.  Hmmmm.  I really can't remember what they are.  Anyway, we will be working on it.  So what is Dirtbunny all wound up about?

1. It stopped raining on Sunday.  So why is that on the front porch?
2. Dirtbunny may run out of yarn before she finishes the Ray-Ray hat/scarf combo, which means she'll have to rip back a few inches of scarf to come up with yarn to complete the hat.
3. Heat on or heat off?  It's 75 during the day and 45 at night. 
4. Can't mail package to Oregon because just realized out of packing material.  Have to buy more.
5. Can't go to nearby office supply store because it has been razed to make way for another high-rise.  Have to find some other source.
6. Should probably eat remainder of bean soup today, but it is disgusting.
7. Champions League this week.  Also, recurring cable issue has returned this week.  The problem:  weak signal.  We need a cable booster but cable company doesn't want to give us one.  In the 3 1/2 years since we went digital, we have had One television, Seven cable boxes, and Six service calls (at least) all for same weak signal problem, which remains unresolved. 
8. Champions League is broadcast on Fox Soccer Channel.  Fox Soccer Channel is channel 725.  Channel 725 is the channel the most affected by signal problems.  (726 is watchable.  723 is fine.  There is no 724).  Oh, and is most affected during afternoon hours (noon to about 8pm) which is when the Champions League games are carried live. 
9. The whole house is in an uproar, and my major source of peace and pleasure (futbol) is unavailable.  So I've been eating too much.  Which means I feel vaguely sick all the time, plus I hate myself for eating too much.
10. When I start hating myself for one reason, my brain automatically searches through the memory archives for more evidence of my suckitude so my self-hatred can blossom and flourish.  This means that I will suddenly find myself ruminating about all sorts of bullshit I'd rather not be thinking about, such as:  
    

    --The fact that The Man squished a slug on Monday and didn't clean it up even though he knows I have a special thing about slugs and so I was trapped in the house and could not go outside because ~IT~ was out there and I was going to vomit if I saw ~IT~ again and he should have considered my special sensitivity to slugs and spent the 60 seconds to take care of it instead of leaving it there for me to freak out over all day, and
    

    
    

    --various professional disappointments, from the recent stuff to the not-so-recent stuff
    

    
    -- like the time I was supposed to test drive a new laptop and I lost it on the Metro on the way home,
    -- to the time I postponed my honeymoon to go to a job interview because the Regional Director was too inflexible to allow me to reschedule so I had a job interview the Monday after my wedding and I still didn't get the job
    -- to the time I sent that embarrasing email trashing "Joe" to "Joe" himself,
    -- to the time I wasn't allowed to reserve the hearing room for a function because if I reserved it for a function then other people wouldn't be able to reserve it for their functions if they happened to need it on the same day, and no one but me saw any problem with that logic
    -- to the time I cracked wise to Pammie about something and inadvertently hurt her feelings really bad
    -- to the time I dumped an entire cortadita on myself and ruined a suit right before I had to take a deposition in Miami, and
    

    --childhood incidents such as that time I wringed/wrang out the dishrag on Sherry's head in elementary school (why did I do that?), and
    
    -- the time in college I went to a party with the grad students on my research team and seriously overstayed my welcome and was too socially tone-deaf to notice, and
    
    -- that dumb thing I said at lunch in Indianapolis.
    

    Et cetera.  Need I go on?
    
11. This leads to what is known around here as a Shame Spiral.  It is bad.
12. ADP is broken, Marco is broken, Diego Milito is broken, Claudio Marchisio is broken, Seb Giovinco is broken, Loooca sucks, Gigi it turns out is a sexist schmuck (not really surprised, but disappointed nonetheless), someone messed up Roberto Rossetti's wiki, one of my favorite Genoa players is all mixed up with the mob, Juve hasn't won a game in something like six matches, Landon Donovan got player of the year in the US, and all the stuff I was upset about on this day are still true.
13. I'm starting to think that maybe making a list of all the things I am upset about was not a good idea.
14. I can't end a list with number 13.

Juventus is playing Maccabi Haifa in Israel right about now.  IF the cable gets fixed in time, the game will be broadcast in the middle of the night and I can watch it tomorrow.

Luca Lunedi

That's right.  Our boy got the start in league play this week.  He's working hard, trying to get back on the national team.

Champions League (again) this week. 

What Dirtbunny Did this Week

Because, as we all know, she measures her lovability and self-worth according to how much she has accomplished.

• Talked with umpteen contractors and signed various contracts.
• Got flu shot.
• Solved mystery of the check the bank paid out twice.
• Flooded the basement.
• Availed self of golden oppurtunity to clean laundry room floor.
• Discovered this:

Do you want a closer look?

 

Now you know, and let's not speak of it for a while, OK?

• Gave dogs their monthly anti-flea and heartworm medicine on time.
• Finished and blocked two bits of lace.
• Went to the vampire.
• Ate broccoli before it went bad.
• Bought dishwasher.
• Took load of crap to Goodwill.
• Scheduled next visit with the head doctor.
• Completed annual "confidential" how do you like working here survey.
• Discovered that problem with heat and a/c in basement is not that it is crappy, but that there is no heat or a/c in basement.
• Confronted multiple instances of the celebration of mediocrity over substance and did not go postal or fetal.
• In connection with above photographs, confirmed suspicion that there is no insulation whatsoever in garage ceiling/bedroom floor.
• Cooked ground beef before it turned brown.
• Ironed a shirt that really needed it.
• Disposed of dead mop.
• Remembered to refill prescriptions before I ran out.
• Went to the toe store.
• Installed anti-virus software that Geek Squad deleted without my permission.
• Watched a whole lot of football and programmed the DVR to record yet more football.
• Paid off a credit card.
• Found apparently competent HVAC guy who says he can make all my HVAC dreams come true.
• Got snuggly wool blanket out of storage and put it on the bed.
• Retired ancient bathrobe with broken zipper.
• Wrote a really big check.
• Saw photograph of Italian calciotorri in The Washington Post and did not fall down dead.
• Kept most of my appointments.
• Knew results of Liverpool/Chelsea match, but did not spoil it for The Man.
• Remembered to wear my anti-TMJ device every night this week.

Luca Lunedi

I know, baby.  My heart's not in this either.   No Azzurri call-up for you this week, and no Azzurri for me either on account of American broadcasting indifference.  I can watch high school--HIGH SCHOOL!-- football on ESPN360.com, but not WCQs.  Such is the state of our nation.  *sigh*

You're going off to spend your international break playing cards with the old folks at the pub?  Good choice.  Don't let them fleece you.   You'll be glad you have some savings when you find yourself at West Ham in January. 

Gigi Giovedi

Because I am in despair over the state of the world.  Because I am disheartened that people with views like mine are called Not Real Virginians, Unamerican, and Unpatriotic.  Because things that I think should be obvious (Torture is bad.  Killing is bad.  Helping poor people is good.) seem to be merely debatable talking points instead of something we can all agree about.

Because our popular culture is escapist, empty, and without grace or class or nuance.  Because discussion has devoled into screaming at one another.

Because it has somehow become more important to be in charge than to do good.  That the concept of "making the world a better place" makes people smirk.  Because there just doesn't seem to be anything good left anywhere beyond the borders of my own back yard, and because I know that isolating myself and withdrawing into my own brand of escapism are the same as giving up hope that things will ever get better.

Just because.

I know it's all bread and circus.  I know it's only a shallow pursuit whose purpose is to distract me and encourage me to buy things.  I know it's only a matter of soccer jerseys instead of football jerseys, wine instead of fast food, yarn and fancy knitting equipment instead of stuff acquired for some other hobby.  I know I'm no better than anyone else when it comes to consumption and exploiting the labor and lax standards of industry in other countries.  I know that even to express misgivings about our American lifestyle or to confess my progressive liberalism is to invite ridicule, opprobium, and contempt.  I know no one is listening.

This is why I devote so much mental energy to soccer.

Marco Mercoledi

One of the many amazing things about Italian football is the wealth of Marcos.

This one is a Roman portiere who plays for Genoa.  And also, the Azzurri:

And this one is a Napolitano attacanti who is always injured.  He's a former Azzurri who warms the bench for Milan, and he's famous for his tattoo and his STD.  Really.  Look it up if you want, just not at work.  He's extraordinarily pretty, but is not, unfortunately, loved for his footballing skillz, although I would dearly love it if he would give me a reason not to be so shallow:

This one is another Roman, a centrocampista who plays for the Viola.  He is, again, an Azzurri, and Bunny's current favorite Marco.  He used to be in Bianconeri, but he was unhappy in Torino and transferred this summer.  Now he gets to play all the time.  After he had a couple of crap games, Bunny cast a magic spell on him and for once it actually worked.  His game markedly improved.  Really.  Look it up it you care to.   I has magic.

It occurs to me that my Italian grammar is probably all wrong.  I'm working on it.

Champions League this week.  I'm very very busy, so don't bug me.

Luca Lunedi

Have I mentioned this? Juventus and Bayern Munich are in the same group in Champions League, which means they compete against each other in group stage for two of the 16 coveted slots in the elimination round, and face each other directly twice. Their first meeting is this week. Later we will have to hate Loooca, but it's still only Monday, so today we love Loooca and his little delivery man Franck:

So cute together. I don't know whether Loooca will actually play this week (and if he doesn't, I won't have to hate him), but whatever may happen, I can go back to loving him on Friday. Note to Il Mister Ciro: plz to give up on Amauri; all the tifosi have; he hasn't scored in eight months; he sucks; don't waste a precious slot on him; thankyouverymuch.

Recent events you may have missed

1. While I was out and The Man was taking Yarn Bandit for a walk, Kirby learned how to open the screen to the sliding glass door. He opened it and set off, without his bling (that means no tags: No ID!), to join them. Luckily, he found The Man down the street without too much drama. Imagine The Man looking up and seeing Kirby merrily tripping towards him, big proud smile and tail flicking back and forth in self-satisfaction. Later today, I'll show The Man how the latch on the screen door works.
   
   



2. The Meat Man at the Glutton Place told The Man that it was illegal to sell ground pork. That's not true, by the way, so I had to make a trip out myself to find ground pork or a reasonable substitute because I have a hankerin for Salsa Bolognese and Bunny's hankerins must be satisfied or else..... well, we've learned the hard way that a hankerin's a hankerin and nothing else will do. News Flash: The Fresh Fields openly sells ground pork, so it's either not illegal to sell it or they (and I) are blatantly flouting the law. So be it. I hope I don't lose my license to practice law over this. (That's right. I have one, you know.) There will be Fettuccine alla Bolognese for dinner.
   
   



3. Dirtbunny's canned tomato of choice is Muir Glen organic diced tomatoes, no salt added. This has been what's in the pantry for years. When I write "can diced tom" on the shopping list, this is what I expect The Man to bring home, if they're available. He usually does, but every now and then he has a brain fart and forgets that this is what I want. A couple of trips ago, he came back with something else, which is not a big deal, really, but this was his explanation: "All they had was no salt added and that sounded gross, so I got another brand, but they're low sodium. I hope that's OK." When Dirtbunny burst out laughing, he couldn't understand why. I swear he's really, really smart about most other things. Really.
   
   



4. The Man isn't the only one with challenges. The last time Dirtbunny went to the Fresh Fields by herself, she noticed that they were finally carrying Amaranth again. Yipee! So she put three scoops worth in the bag, and then she lost them somewhere in the 10 meters between the bulk foods and the cash register. Ew. Wiki sez that the common name for amaranth is "pigweed." Blech. I wonder if I can still eat Pigweed Porridge?
   
   



5. The end of the year at the Teeny Tiny Government Entity is September 30, and Bunny is going to hit her performance target. It looked shaky for a while, what with the 10 weeks of bronchitis, the multiple depressive episodes, the Kirby cancer, and the general attitude problem. As usual, of course, Dirtbunny pulled it off. The taxpayers are lucky to have me.
   
   



6. The Bianconeri face Bayern Munich in a Champions League match this week. That means my beloved zebras versus my beloved Loooca. Also, Liverpool versus Viola. I really don't know how I'm going to handle these matches.
   
   


7. The Man just got punk'd by the screen door. It was latched. He didn't know it could latch, and he was trapped in the house. Maybe Bunny has won the Battle of the Door after all.
   
   
8. Let's be fair to The Man, shall we? Today he made the coffee, took the dogs out in the rain for their morning walk, fed them, did the breakfast dishes, cleaned up a Tikipuddle (damn dog), took down the shower curtain and put it in the wash, did the grocery shopping, cleaned the bathroom, let me watch an old La Liga game instead of the Spurs game he's saved from yesterday, and probably some other stuff I forgot. I'd say thank you, but that would be so out of character, he'd probably fall down dead on the spot. I'll just feed him instead (Salsa Bolognese, remember? That means MEAT!).

What's for breakfast today?

It was so good, I just had to share:



Toasted walnut bread (homemade) with mascarpone cheese and fig jam (homemade). So yummy. There are advantages to having a Dirtbunny around.

Mercoledi pros and cons

Pro: It's Marco Mercoledi!






Con: Let The Man have the car today. No yarn crawl this afternoon, and I really need to find something I can use the red merino Pam fingering weight for.



Pro: They sell yarn on the Interwebs.

Con: Sometimes when I read stuff I've written, I cannot believe how crappy my proofreading is. Given that my job is to write things, it's a miracle I'm still employed.

Pro: It's raining! sort of Yard maintenance crew across the street can't make as much noise with their leaf-blowers as usual when it's wet. Plus, rain is wonderful.



Pro: WCQs today!


Con: So far, Tiger has not shown up to accept my offer of asylum.


Pro: But that could just mean that he's recovering nicely from his disgrace. The offer is still open, baby!


Con: I keep buying eggplant, so now I have to cook some for dinner.


Pro: Ziti and eggplant, cheap Barbera, and the Azzurri make for a pleasant evening.



Con: I have really got to shave my legs. No messing around.


Pro: Maybe I can just wear pants to the office.


Con: I am very very thirsty, and too lazy to get myself a drink of water. What the hell is my problem?


Pro: Convinced the girlz to upgrade Marco in the Fangirl's Guide to Serie A! I spent all night on it and it worked! And I am getting better at HTML sort of


Con: This laziness/thirst thing is really disturbing. What, exactly, is keeping me from getting a drink of water?



Pro: I think this was the clincher that got me my upgrade for Marco:




Con: Fishing is gross. Eww

Pro: I managed to wrench myself out of the sitting position and have obtained water. It is cold, and wet, and good.

Con: In so doing, I had to enter the kitchen, and I noticed how grubby it is. Someone will have to clean it.


Con: We skipped Luca Lunedi this week.


Pro: There's always room for Loooca!



there he goes again, smiling with his tongue

Calcio Update

ISSUE NUMBER ONE




The Azzurri won their WCQ against Georgia yesterday by a score of 2-0. Dirtbunny is happy for the victory and for the three points in the Group Eight table, but there is no celebrating here. There is a problematic disconnect between the mids and strikers; the offense cannot seem to put the ball in the net, which is of course the object of the game. Gigi is playing like the rock star he is, for which we can all be grateful, but the team is not clicking.

Worse than that is the manner of this particular win. The Georgians scored two own goals. Actually, both own goals were scored by the same player.

Who happens to be the captain of the Georgian national team.

And the captain of the Georgian national team is .....

......Tiger.

Bad news for Tiger, and bad news for Tiger fans. He can't believe it. The Georgian press can't believe it. Some are saying that, with respect to the kidnapping and murder of Tiger's brother in 2001, well Tiger and Georgia are even now. Talk about a rough press. Poor guy.

I was probably going to call him up anyway, but now I definitely am. Welcome aboard. Poor guy.


Another unfortunate thing about Tiger is that he tends to take two kinds of photos. The unflattering candid sort, like this:

... and the embarrassing cheesecake sort, like these:

i guess we are meant to understand that one of Tiger's pasttimes is lurking in hotel hallways picking up johns. also, plz button your shirt.

what is it about cars?

He's a good-looking man, but these photos give Dirtbunny a skeevy feeling. Poor guy.

I am also doing something for Tiger that has never been done before. I am offering him asylum in the sovereign nation of Planet Bunny. He is a citizen now, and entitled to all the same privileges and protections that Planet Bunny's other citizen, that would be Dirtbunny, enjoys, for what it's worth. Planet Bunny is not recognized by anyone, anywhere (not the United Nations, not the Federation of Planets, not even TheManLand), but it's what I have to offer. Poor Guy.

So, Tiger. Ya want some time off, lay low and so forth? Or do you want to dive right back into training, get back on the horse, so to speak? Whatever you want, baby.

ISSUE NUMBER TWO

The summer transfer window is closed. Whew. Thank God for it. The Bianconeri benefited, on the whole, by signing some non-Dirtbunny Brazilians, and Capi and Fabi, although they lost Marco Marchionni to the Viola. One particular transfer has resulted in, well, he's DeadToMe (tm), so let's not mention it.

Most of the rest of the Dirtbunnies were stable this summer. Ole Man Panooch went from Roma to newly-promoted Parma. Sleepy was going to go to Chelsea, or not, depending on what day it was, but he stayed. Rino and Gian threatened to leave Milan, but didn't. ADP's evil agent/brother Stefano threatened to take ADP to China/Spain/MLS, but didn't. Capi, as I mentioned, went from Real Madrid to Juventus. Fabi, as I also mentioned, went from hell in France to Juventus. Olof left Juventus for Olympiacos, in Athens. Other threats were made, but in the end, everyone else stayed put.

The new season is beginning to shake out. Loooca is either injured or in disgrace, depending on who you ask, and is not playing. ADP is on the bench for reasons known only to Il Mister Ciro while lesser mortals like Vincenzo Iaquinta, That Wanker* and Amauri (grrr) get lots of playing time. League play is on an International Break for WCQs right now, but resumes this weekend.

SQUEEEEEE!

Fabi has returned to Serie A. To the Bianconeri.








http://www.goal.com/en/news/10/italy/2009/08/31/1472824/official-juventus-sign-lyon-left-back-fabio-grosso

Do you know what this means? DO YOU? This means that the Bianconeri defense consists of four out of five Azzurri defensive starters, plus a Czech International team starter, and the Bianconeri backup defense contains a backup Azzurri defender and an Azzurrini defensive starter.

To reward him for this excellent development, his rehab assignment is hereby over, and he can return to the seniors.







HappyHappyHappyHappy!

Luca Lunedi

Summer's almost over.


Can't you just feel the ocean breeze ruffling your hair? It has been said that Loooca smiles with his tongue in addition to thinking with his tongue.


Do you know what else is almost over? The summer transfer window. Today is the last day. Tomorrow the teams will be fixed. This is the last day for really bad things to happen, which we won't jinx by mentioning. This is the last day on which something really good might happen, which we won't jinx by mentioning. My fingers are crossed, and I'm checking the calcionews occasionally to see when stuff becomes official, but not in an obsessive way.

Back from the Dead

Bunny and The Man made it through the first half of yesterday's scorcher. By halftime, Bunny was dizzy and feeling the urge to vomit, and a half liter of water was selling for $5 (you aren't allowed to bring your own) and the idea of being trapped in the parking lot for two hours afterwards was too much for either of us to bear, so we bailed and watched the rest of the game at home on the toob. I only got a little sunburn, and my heat-induced headache and nausea were all better by about 8pm.


So what if not too many people left early? Dirtbunny is a delicate flower. Anyway, she got to see all of Cristiano Ronaldo's big fail in person. That was worth it. Cris is known for his amazing footwork. He likes to dance around and mesmerize his defenders. I call it the cha-cha. Thing is, everyone knows his schtick now, so it fools pretty much no one. It's cha-cha to no real purpose, which means it's just egomaniacal showing off. Dirtbunny does not approve of egomaniacal showing off on the pitch (and if you think I make exceptions, ask me about ADP's penalty kick in the Peace Cup final).

So I missed watching Raul play. 'Sall good. It's not like we didn't have our little--ahem--moment alone. And I got to see my booboo, Gonzo. Which reminds me. It's time for a call-up.


Here's a photo you see a lot during transfer season:


A recently-traded calciotorre, lying on the table with doodads stuck to him, giving a big cheesy grin (and often a gratuitous thumbs-up), getting his medical exam before the transfer is finalized so the gaining team "knows" it isn't getting a dud. This particular photo is of brand-new dirtbunny, Gonzalo Higuain, 22 year-old superstriker for Real Madrid, known as Gonzo, or as Dirtbunny's booboo. Gonzo is eligible for both the French and Argie national teams since he's an Argie national born in France. He hasn't been called up to Argentina yet but that's only because:

1. The Argie coach is Diego Maradona
2. who is insane
3. and corrupt
4. and who has lots of strikers to choose from
5. including, notably, his son-in-law
6. and Maradona is exactly the sort of guy who would call up his son-in-law just because
7. although the son-in-law is reportedly, allegedly cheating on Maradona's daughter
8. so who knows how long he'll remain on the team
9. because Maradona is exactly the sort of guy who would kick a guy off the team for insulting his daughter and
10. because it is well documented that Maradona knows drug lords and mobsters
11. and can have his son-in-law bumped off just by giving the signal on camera.
12. Will it be an ear-flick? A nose pick? An eyebrow waggle?
13. Shall we start a pool?

I love lists!

Anyhoo, Gonzo is waywayway better than the father of Maradona's grandson, so in a world that made sense, Gonzo would already have many caps for Argentina (and not just because I say so--this is not just fangirl bullshit), because wouldn't anyone play for Argentina instead of France if they had the option? Ooops. Maradona. Maybe not. 'S hard to say.


Hi there, Booboo.

Welcome aboard.

Luca Lunedi

The call-up sheet for the upcoming Azzurri friendly against Switzerland (boo, Lichsteiner!) is out. Idiot Il Mister Lippi continues to overlook ADP for no apparent reason except perhaps senility or a delusional sort of psychosis. (You will never convince me that ADP is too old and that Quag is better. Never.)



He has also booted Riccardo Montolivo, Rino, and DDR off the squad. (Yeah, his link is in Italian. Do you really want to tell me that you can't figure out what it says?) Oh, and Nicki. It's only a friendly. Nicki and Montolivo aren't really the best at what they do. Rino isn't at peak fitness following a longlonglong absence for injury last season. The DDR omission is inexplicable. Il Mister Lippi, that idiot, is known for punishing players with whom he has had little personal contretemps (for example, Marco Amelia, Antonio Cassano) and DDR is exactly the sort of personality who might get into a contretemps with, well, with just about anyone. The tifosi have all sorts of different opinions about who should be in Azzurri and who should not, but we're unanimous about DDR: he should be in. I assume that this will be rectified before the qualifiers resume.


Ahem. Another omission is our beautiful gormless boy, Loooca. All "meter ninety-six" and 200 pounds of him. That slump was going to catch up with him. Probably no one is surprised.

*sigh*

Maybe he'll get it together and come back. I hope so.

Football is suffering.