Sunday, September 6, 2009

Calcio Update

ISSUE NUMBER ONE





The Azzurri won their WCQ against Georgia yesterday by a score of 2-0. Dirtbunny is happy for the victory and for the three points in the Group Eight table, but there is no celebrating here. There is a problematic disconnect between the mids and strikers; the offense cannot seem to put the ball in the net, which is of course the object of the game. Gigi is playing like the rock star he is, for which we can all be grateful, but the team is not clicking.

Worse than that is the manner of this particular win. The Georgians scored two own goals. Actually, both own goals were scored by the same player.

Who happens to be the captain of the Georgian national team.

And the captain of the Georgian national team is .....

......Tiger.

Bad news for Tiger, and bad news for Tiger fans. He can't believe it. The Georgian press can't believe it. Some are saying that, with respect to the kidnapping and murder of Tiger's brother in 2001, well Tiger and Georgia are even now. Talk about a rough press. Poor guy.

I was probably going to call him up anyway, but now I definitely am. Welcome aboard. Poor guy.


Another unfortunate thing about Tiger is that he tends to take two kinds of photos. The unflattering candid sort, like this:

... and the embarrassing cheesecake sort, like these:


i guess we are meant to understand that one of Tiger's pasttimes is lurking in hotel hallways picking up johns. also, plz button your shirt.


what is it about cars?



He's a good-looking man, but these photos give Dirtbunny a skeevy feeling. Poor guy.

I am also doing something for Tiger that has never been done before. I am offering him asylum in the sovereign nation of Planet Bunny. He is a citizen now, and entitled to all the same privileges and protections that Planet Bunny's other citizen, that would be Dirtbunny, enjoys, for what it's worth. Planet Bunny is not recognized by anyone, anywhere (not the United Nations, not the Federation of Planets, not even TheManLand), but it's what I have to offer. Poor Guy.

So, Tiger. Ya want some time off, lay low and so forth? Or do you want to dive right back into training, get back on the horse, so to speak? Whatever you want, baby.


ISSUE NUMBER TWO


The summer transfer window is closed. Whew. Thank God for it. The Bianconeri benefited, on the whole, by signing some non-Dirtbunny Brazilians, and Capi and Fabi, although they lost Marco Marchionni to the Viola. One particular transfer has resulted in, well, he's DeadToMe (tm), so let's not mention it.

Most of the rest of the Dirtbunnies were stable this summer. Ole Man Panooch went from Roma to newly-promoted Parma. Sleepy was going to go to Chelsea, or not, depending on what day it was, but he stayed. Rino and Gian threatened to leave Milan, but didn't. ADP's evil agent/brother Stefano threatened to take ADP to China/Spain/MLS, but didn't. Capi, as I mentioned, went from Real Madrid to Juventus. Fabi, as I also mentioned, went from hell in France to Juventus. Olof left Juventus for Olympiacos, in Athens. Other threats were made, but in the end, everyone else stayed put.

The new season is beginning to shake out. Loooca is either injured or in disgrace, depending on who you ask, and is not playing. ADP is on the bench for reasons known only to Il Mister Ciro while lesser mortals like Vincenzo Iaquinta, That Wanker* and Amauri (grrr) get lots of playing time. League play is on an International Break for WCQs right now, but resumes this weekend.


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tiger gets asylum in the nation of every person who actually has a heart. Poor guy. No one deserves that, no one. I hope Nesta doesn't say anything about it when he goes home.....

The Shadow

Anonymous said...

So Gigi plays like a "rock star". I guess this means he doesn't show up until an hour after the match starts, is surrounded by girls with low self esteem, has links to suppliers of certain pharmacueticals, pouts for the fans and most importantly routinely trashes hotels.