- It stopped raining on Sunday. So why is that on the front porch?
- Dirtbunny may run out of yarn before she finishes the Ray-Ray hat/scarf combo, which means she'll have to rip back a few inches of scarf to come up with yarn to complete the hat.
- Heat on or heat off? It's 75 during the day and 45 at night.
- Can't mail package to Oregon because just realized out of packing material. Have to buy more.
- Can't go to nearby office supply store because it has been razed to make way for another high-rise. Have to find some other source.
- Should probably eat remainder of bean soup today, but it is disgusting.
- Champions League this week. Also, recurring cable issue has returned this week. The problem: weak signal. We need a cable booster but cable company doesn't want to give us one. In the 3 1/2 years since we went digital, we have had One television, Seven cable boxes, and Six service calls (at least) all for same weak signal problem, which remains unresolved.
- Champions League is broadcast on Fox Soccer Channel. Fox Soccer Channel is channel 725. Channel 725 is the channel the most affected by signal problems. (726 is watchable. 723 is fine. There is no 724). Oh, and is most affected during afternoon hours (noon to about 8pm) which is when the Champions League games are carried live.
- The whole house is in an uproar, and my major source of peace and pleasure (futbol) is unavailable. So I've been eating too much. Which means I feel vaguely sick all the time, plus I hate myself for eating too much.
- When I start hating myself for one reason, my brain automatically searches through the memory archives for more evidence of my suckitude so my self-hatred can blossom and flourish. This means that I will suddenly find myself ruminating about all sorts of bullshit I'd rather not be thinking about, such as:
--The fact that The Man squished a slug on Monday and didn't clean it up even though he knows I have a special thing about slugs and so I was trapped in the house and could not go outside because ~IT~ was out there and I was going to vomit if I saw ~IT~ again and he should have considered my special sensitivity to slugs and spent the 60 seconds to take care of it instead of leaving it there for me to freak out over all day, and
Et cetera. Need I go on?--various professional disappointments, from the recent stuff to the not-so-recent stuff
--childhood incidents such as that time I wringed/wrang out the dishrag on Sherry's head in elementary school (why did I do that?), and
-- like the time I was supposed to test drive a new laptop and I lost it on the Metro on the way home,
-- to the time I postponed my honeymoon to go to a job interview because the Regional Director was too inflexible to allow me to reschedule so I had a job interview the Monday after my wedding and I still didn't get the job
-- to the time I sent that embarrasing email trashing "Joe" to "Joe" himself,
-- to the time I wasn't allowed to reserve the hearing room for a function because if I reserved it for a function then other people wouldn't be able to reserve it for their functions if they happened to need it on the same day, and no one but me saw any problem with that logic
-- to the time I cracked wise to Pammie about something and inadvertently hurt her feelings really bad
-- to the time I dumped an entire cortadita on myself and ruined a suit right before I had to take a deposition in Miami, and
-- the time in college I went to a party with the grad students on my research team and seriously overstayed my welcome and was too socially tone-deaf to notice, and
-- that dumb thing I said at lunch in Indianapolis.
- This leads to what is known around here as a Shame Spiral. It is bad.
- ADP is broken, Marco is broken, Diego Milito is broken, Claudio Marchisio is broken, Seb Giovinco is broken, Loooca sucks, Gigi it turns out is a sexist schmuck (not really surprised, but disappointed nonetheless), someone messed up Roberto Rossetti's wiki, one of my favorite Genoa players is all mixed up with the mob, Juve hasn't won a game in something like six matches, Landon Donovan got player of the year in the US, and all the stuff I was upset about on this day are still true.
- I'm starting to think that maybe making a list of all the things I am upset about was not a good idea.
- I can't end a list with number 13.
Juventus is playing Maccabi Haifa in Israel right about now. IF the cable gets fixed in time, the game will be broadcast in the middle of the night and I can watch it tomorrow.
2 comments:
We all do things that we later regret; often hurting people whom we didn't wish to harm. This is part of life and it flows both ways. We tend to remember these things long after everyone else has fogotten because of the "shame spiral". Try making a list of the good things you have done helping others when it wasn't a requested and think about the lasting good you have done. I'm sure you will see that you are a positive not a negative in the world. Because you are a good person and you wish to be seen a good.
Agree with the earlier comment. I sometimes think that I am the world's most inept stupid person while other people seem to have it all together. The truth is that I'm just aware of all the mistakes I've made but don't know about all the stuff they've messed up. And the mistakes I make generally don't strike others as that big a deal and they cut me slack for them. So I try to cut myself slack too. Just a long-winded way of saying that you don't suck and that "the list" doesn't add up to that, just to you being a good person who worries.
So to cut down on the worries, I hear from The Man that the slug and the umbrella are gone, cable is working, Juve won. The tide is turning!
The Shadow
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