Old Lady Post: Paolino Lives

 A fair number of photos from the Napoli match were posted late, and we have some mercato news to catch up with (nothing you don't already know, of course), so let's dig right in.




Hooray for Loooca! A meter ninety six of green-eyed gorilla love. *swoon*



Ah, Loooca, how do I love thee?  I love thine demented dramaz.  I love thine saggy socks.  I love thine hairy man-legs.   I love thine free price tag.



I love the suggestion of thine junk in thine pants.  I love the lock of hair ALWAYS plastered to thine forehead in the same spot.  I love that thou canst reach the top shelf of my kitchen cabinets so I can get down the blender to make mayonnaise without having to get out the step stool.  &hearts

Time for a quiz:  WHO IS THE NEXT MISS THANG?  Answer to be revealed shortly.


Hooray for Claudio!



He's letting his hair grow out a bit.  It looks fine most of the time, but it's approaching hobo stage and it requires product to keep its shape.



Then again, he's on vacation as soon as this round of qualifiers is over.  Maybe he'd like nothing better than to lounge around without hair product and let His Wife Robert run her fingers through it all summer.



That could lead to additional progeny, tho.  While his offspring so far is painfully cute, I think I'd rather he spend the summer keeping his weight up and not burning any unnecessary calories.  If he goes at it like a rabbit, he may come back to training camp all transparent or something.


Hooray for ADP!



Oops.  Beaten by Maggio.



Sorry. Just melting into a puddle here.


How is it that he never seems to have any junk?  I know for a fact that he has some.  He must tuck it in.


Hooray for Matri!



Scuttlebutt is that his "loan" with an option to buy is a forced option or something and that he's staying.  Please let that be true.


Hooray for Gio!



Oh wow.  Handssss.  That boy can probably hold a baby chick without crushing it.  &hearts


Hooray for Boniperti!



That's right.  He's the new Miss Thang.  The press has Grand Expectations of him on account of his ancestry.  Poor bastard.  I'm just happy to see him.



TANGENT:  I love that rat-faced Giuseppe Mascara.  I mean, my GOD what a mug.  &hearts


But back to Boniperti.



and his barely-legal pants problem




Crap.  He's already got a tattoo.  Well, at least his hair is normal.  For now.



Oh, baby.  Let me get you Santon's phone number so you can help him out with the skin care regimen.  (You learned from Alessa, didn't you, sneaky devil).




One last photo from the Napoli match, and it's the most important one.




Paolo De Ceglie!  We've been waiting for you so long!  You cannot imagine the defensive lows we have suffered without you.  We promise never to take you for granted again.


Speaking of fullbacks, the suits finally went out a found a decent right back.



The chiseled cheekbones!  The over-the-knee socks!



The lickable caramel-colored skin!



The glorious shiny dark hair!



The RAWR!



The, um, um,  the Diego Lugano's phone number on speed dial!

Yeah.  I wish.  Although in retrospect, he would have been no more expensive that Martinez.


Nope.  We get:



Reto Ziegler.  None of the fabulosity of Martin Caceres.  Just nice, boring, milky-white bland Swiss competence.  The key word there is "competence."  And we got it for free.  *still crossing fingers for Cassani*



Juventus has also signed a genuine regista.  Perhaps the regista of all registas.



I have to admit I am a bit ambivalent about this.  Don't get me wrong.  I love Andrea Pirlo.  I have, after all, been carrying his love child since the Chelsea v. Milan match in Baltimore in July 2008 (like his father, li'l Sleepy can't be assed unless he damn well feels like it).  I'm not happy about his tendency to get disturbingly bad haircuts every few years, but that's not the problem.

Here's the problem.  They say that we can't have both him and Albertino.

It's a tough choice.  They both have problem ears and grow their hair long to cover them.   Albertino has more of his career ahead of him and already has decent chemistry with his co-mids.  However, he's expensive and is never going to be as good as Sleepy was at his best.  On the other hand, Sleepy is free.  He's still capable of greatness, but he doesn't actually produce greatness as often as he used to.  It would be nice if he could teach his secrets to one of the bbz so we could grow another regista for the future.  However, please take a look at Milan and tell me which one of their remaining mids is the new regista.  I'm not sure what that says about Pirlo's teaching abilities.


Given, however, that I have exactly zero say in whether we keep Albertino or not, I might as well celebrate Sleepy's arrival.  So:

Hooray for Pirlo!  He is wonderful on many non-football related levels (in addition to his unequaled regista skillz):



1.  The force is strong with him.  Admit it.  You can't look away.  Not even for Beckham.






2.    Plz ignore Captain Dead-to-Me.   He has feelings and he cares.  Boy do we need a truck full of that






3.  Ohai Dogfish!








4.  He's got a lot going on down there.

5 to infinity.  There are a lot more but that's a good start.


There are lots of rumors that I'm trying not to hear about, but here is one more confirmed fact that should make everyone happy.


Juve has signed Sorensen until summer of 2015.  Thank God for that.