A fair question and one that’s hard to answer. I’ve discarded several posts on this already because I can’t seem to get it right. I can’t find the proper balance between disclosure and discretion. But, I’ve been asked, so here goes.
It’s the new year, and my birthday is tomorrow, and those events lead into an introspective what am I doing with my life sort of mindset. I’ve been competing for a promotion at work for about three years. I’m a strong candidate, but not the only strong candidate, and I truly do not know how it is going to work out.
I also have had a work disagreement over a legal issue. This is not uncommon among lawyers. (For that matter, it is not uncommon for lawyers to say “not uncommon” when any normal person would say “common.” But I digress.) In the course of that, I made the painful and shocking discovery that someone I greatly admire and respect, and who I thought respected me and my work, apparently does not hold me in the esteem I imagined.
There’s more—a lot more—but I really don’t want to do a long boring work rant. In short, recent events at work have evoked very strong feelings and I’ve been preoccupied and since I haven’t been able to think of anything appropriate to say, I haven’t said anything.
This weekend, I made the difficult decision to withdraw from competition for the promotion. I would have been great at that job. I have been great at that job (part of the competition process has been extended try-outs). But the higher-ups recently decided to extend the competition again, and the cost of competing for so long was too high for me.
No regrets. I feel as though I’m off probation for the first time in three years. I am more relaxed, I stopped having anxiety attacks as soon as I communicated my decision, and I am no longer vomiting every morning before work. I am starting to feel like myself.
P.S. I haven’t smoked a death stick in three weeks. How’s that for managing my feelings more constructively?
1 comment:
Work sucks. Rinse, repeat.
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