Dinner is in 20 minutes so let's move this along

ISSUE NUMBER ONE

[cue tranquil music]


Oh, Little Tiki. How cute you are. How sweet your little sleeping face. How soft your fuzzy little coat. How velvety your little beagley ears.


Just because it's wrapped up all pretty and hiding in The Man's closet doesn't mean it's for you.


This pretty lacquered box with elephants on it was a birthday present to me from The Man's mother. I didn't get to open it. Someone else found it first, pulled it out of the bag, dragged it halfway across the house, and opened it.




And tasted it, too, as you can see by the chew marks at the upper right, and the little droplets of drool that I'm sure were not there when this was wrapped for me back in December.

ISSUE NUMBER TWO

In other beagle news, we have a mouse chip somewhere in the yard. This is how I know. Kirby will snuffle around in the mulch, retrieve a large flat piece of what looks like mulch, and chew it. He will not drop it or respond to commands. It makes a nasty crunching sound that makes us realize this is not a piece of mulch, and it is not falling apart the way a leaf would. One bends down to take it from his mouth. In an instant, one identifies that this thing has wee little feet and one flings it away in panic. Yikes!!! A few moments later, one realizes that it is now back in the mulch, hiding, undetectable to humans, and waiting for Kirby to find it again. Repeat daily.

ISSUE NUMBER THREE

Announcing the first member of FC Dirtbunny: Gennaro Gattuso.





Rino is a midfielder for AC Milan and on the Azzurri. He is the heart of FCD because he's always on fire. He's always in it. He never gives up.





When everyone else on the pitch is playing like a bunch of losers, Rino gets angry and does whatever he can to fire the side up. He is the Dirtbunny on the field, and my indispensable player.

His superpower is that he can set things on fire with the fierce righteousness of his glare.

Also, he is a hairy, stubby Calabrian, just like my hairy stubby Calabrian ancestors (although some of them ended up freakishly tall).

AC Milan may have to play without him while he mends, but his contract with FCD will never expire.