Season Survey Post

Originally posted on June 10, 2011


I am so effing bored! The offseason absolutely sucks and checking for mercato news every ten minutes is not exactly calming me down or making me happy. I was looking for football on the TV listings and I actually paused to consider watching the USL, so help me God.

Since there is no new material, let's look back at Serie A 2010-11.


Today's topic is: THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME

There were many, of course, and these are only a few.

Best video evar of the year:






For me, it's the Norwegian fruit advert, first brought to our attention by Martha. Among other things, this introduced me to Morten Gamst Pederson, which means I was paying attention the day Joey Barton sucker punched him on the pitch for no reason.  Meaningless violence = awesome, as long as it's not IRL.

Old Lady Post: Why We Love Quags--and Udinese Spam---But Mostly Quags

Juventus 1:2 Udinese


Let's all pretend that the match ended here, mkay?


That blew.  I'm not even sure what the problem was.  Gigi had an awesome save or two.  Claudio scored a miraculous Quags-style goal.  Pretty much everyone else failed to deliver.  It's too painful to do an actual spam with my usual uninformed commentary, so I'm just going to post some photos.

pagelle


After that, we have an important birthday to celebrate.

Old Lady Post: Um....Ouch. Plus, Breaking Gio News

Sampdoria 0:0 Juventus





Any questions?


Oh boy.  This was a match in which only the brutes and Pepe stood out.  There was kicking and screaming, pushing and shoving, eye-poking and hair-pulling, shootings and stabbings, military coups and counter-revolutions, and one poor excuse for Zorro in a tricked-out mask saving the day.  OK, not really, but this was a crazy physical match that probably has every single player for both sides in the whirlpool as we speak.  Poor babies.  And the bit about the Zorro is true.

pagelle

Old Lady Post: Coppa Spam

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON JANUARY 18, 2011




Juventus 1:0 Catania

It was a busy week.  Juventus advanced in the Coppa Italia and beat Bari at home to scrape up three much-needed points.  There were some injuries and some recoveries and some transfers that ended up not happening, but by far the most important thing that happened was this:
Gigi is back.



That face!

His back is squared away.  His hair is squared away.  His form is squared away.  His attitude is squared away:

It’s a beautiful emotion that for someone who has won a World Cup, played in a Champions League final, and played in so many important stadiums like me, that this night meant so much to me even if it was “just” a Coppa match. I must thank the fans who often said “Why the hell are you staying here when you could leave and win in other places?” I don’t think I could find this kind of affection anywhere else, and maybe it’s true that I could leave and win elsewhere, but the love they give me is worth more than any kind of victory, it’s amazing. I thank them from the bottom of my heart.  source

He loves us back!

Catania pagelle

Old Lady Post: Life After Quags

Originally posted on January 10, 2011.



 Napoli 3:0 Juventus




On the one hand, that blew, obviously.  On the other hand, it was an honorable loss to a good team on a day when their creepy striker was insanely good.  I dunno about you, but I for one am more satisfied with this match than I was with the Chievo draw.

Lanzafame is officially gone to Brescia to be near Zebina, which is the worst punishment that the suits could come up with.  Another blow for us Attitude Problems, poor misunderstood problem children that we are.  Speaking of attitude problems, I really really really really want to believe that this Mutu rumor is bullshit, but I'm getting ready to panic just in case, and no Martha, the photo..... 

... is not helping me see any positive possibilities.  This Fernando Torres rumor is almost certainly crap and please dear God let this Ryan Babel rumor be wrong, which it probably is, since it comes from Goal.com.  I live in a Liverpool-Juventus household and those teams trading their problems back and forth does neither of us any good.  Oh, and Dzeko has gone to Man City, so that's over at least until the summer window.

Old Lady Post: Excellent Elf Brace Leads Juve to Fabulous 4-2 Victory!

Originally Published on January 7, 2011




JUVENTUS 1:4 PARMA

JUVENTUS 4:2 PARMA




What a week!  And what a time for Elf to come alive!  All season long, he's been struggling with only one goal, but Thursday he scored TWO beautiful goals.  His Juve masters are surely beaming with pleasure.  I know I am.  Everything good happened, but even more important, nothing bad happened!  Nothing bad at all!

Match Report

Old Lady Post: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON NOVEMBER 6, 2010




Juventus 0:0 Salzburg

In many other team sports--especially from an American point of view--a zero-zero result is unacceptable.  It means that nothing happened and no one won.  In a country entrenched in the Winners &  Losers construct, it is intolerable not to have a winner.  How can there be a tie draw?  It's as unthinkable as shaking hands and agreeing to disagree.  This is a very Manichaean sort of place, even if most of us don't know what that means and like to make fun of the pointy-headed brainiac Sheldonians who do.   Football teaches us that a nuthin-nuthin tie  nil-nil draw can be not only be a just and appropriate result among well-matched opponents, it can also reflect a humdinger of an exciting match.

But not this one.  It was so dull that I couldn't find anything worth writing down in my notes.  Here's the upshot:  Most of the seniors are either broken or cup-tied; the babies are still babies; you can't play old guys twice a week all year long and expect world-class performances every night; Amauri will never be a trequartista; and even if the zebes win their last two matches, they may not make it out of group stage.  My friends, the situation in Europe is dire.

Old Lady Post: Garlic Can Wait \\\o///

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON OCTOBER 18, 2010

Yeah, it was a trip in the box.  Suck it up.


So the team that dresses like fast-food hamburger peddlers from the early 1970s came to Turin.  (Dudes, I did a Google image search on this and I swear to God I ended up with an image of David Beckham in a crew cut.)


There was all kinds of awesome.  Choose your flavor:



 

 spicy?



Sweet? 

The Hairz were there

Old Lady Post: Hellooooooooooo Milos!

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON OCTOBER 1, 2010

I HAVE NOT YET SEEN MAN CITY--JUVENTUS.
I WON'T UNTIL FRIDAY, 8:00PM EDT.
PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED. 

Never mind.  Dirtbunny blew it all by herself.



Whew.  It is New Years Day for my employer, which means the last week has been ridiculous and that puts me way behind on everything I can't earn money doing.  So I'm sorry.  :(

But I'm here now, and I don't remember much and my notes are indecipherable, but you know what we're going to talk about:

OMG  MILOS KRASIC!






I must admit that I was pretty damn nervous.  Juve can beat the Sardines on paper, but Juve can beat Bari and Palermo on paper too.  I have to admit that after Anime Vargas  Matri got his goal, I was so despondent I had to retire to my boudoir for a sulk.  It took me two days to get through it.

So, shall we then?

Old Lady Mini-Post: Back to Normal

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON SEPTEMBER 24, 2010

 Must I?  I suppose I must.  Juve lost at home to Palermo 1-3.  The Bianconceri looked tired going in, gave up a goal in the second minute, and looked even more tired after that.  Mr. Orsato made a couple of crap calls during the first half, and the zebes got demoralized and never really came back.  Like all of last year, they gave up.



This about sums it up.


Alessa got another start and had some good shots,  but he looked slow and exhausted and went off at about the 60th.  And he brought his real-life pregnant wife who I am sure is a very nice person and this always makes me upset because it confronts my denial.

Milos and Melo kept working until the bitter end, long after everyone else stopped bothering to make runs or get on the ends of passes.
Pepe was terrible, and repeatedly gave the ball away by passing to no one, as usual.  One encouraging sign is that Of Blacks took him off at the half and--get this--tried something different.  It didn't help, but at least he tried.  Amauri, Iaquinta, and Aquilani all came in as subs.
Amauri and Vinenzo put in decent efforts and Vince actually got a goal late in the match, but Aquilani looked worn out, and he has no reason to be tired so he must be either not fit or lazy.  All in all, I despair.