Old Lady Post: Udinese and Siena

Originally posted on February 13, 2012

A long, long time ago, in a place far, far away from Bunny's house, there were two tribes of zebras who met in battle on a wet, snowy day to decide which zebras were the most awesome.  What actually happened on that day has now passed into legend as there is no one left who is alive to remember.  However, there is some mention in church records that the battle was won by the Zebras of the West and that they were led by a strange Matri!beast with flowing brown hair and a strange star on his chest.




Historians, however, have recently discovered some strange etchings on a ruin in an abandoned town in southwest Lombardia.  After carefully removing millennia of dirt and grime, they have uncovered a single, crucial word that gives the etchings meaning:  Matri.  It is widely accepted among academics that this important finding is indeed a contemporaneous record of the largely forgotten battle between zebra and zebra.   For the first time ever, copies of the mysterious images have been made available for public viewing. 

Juventus 2:1 Udinese

OK, so I can't keep that up, but the match did happen so long ago that I don't remember anything except Win!  and Snow!




BUM has slowly been losing it over the past week weeks.  It can't be long before he pulls one of his psycho things that he does.




Claudio's steely determination.




I love snow.




I wonder how much product it takes to keep the hairz up when it's wet outside.  If it's my hair, then the answer is "there's not enough product in the universe."



Three things I like about Andrea right now:  His plain shoes.  His ring finger tattoo.  His tanned (!) knees.




His hair stays bouncy and flowy in the snow.




Hey there, Samir.




First look at Quags's right arm disappearing up to the elbow.  Then look at Gelson Fernandes's expression of surprise.   I know I'm not the only one who's thinking it.




It's true.  Matri was a beast and scored two.



He did his Super Secret Selebration instead of the weird surfing thing from a few weeks ago.



Ummm, Matri looks like he could be a bit happier here.




Yeah, Leo.  As if you had much to do with it.  And don't be late for dinner.


After that, the Zebes traveled to Parma, where their match was snowed out.  It's rescheduled for Wednesday.

After that,  The Zebes were home to more zebras, from Siena this time.

Juventus 0:0 Siena

Um, this was a boring and disappointing one.  As usual, I remember very little.  One thing I know for sure, however...



Mirketto was dire.  I mean seriously bad.  Conte left him on the pitch for far too long.



When Conte finally subbed in Borriello, he was tragic as well.



So Marco tried to make up for his fail by baiting the ref.  Despite his insanely tender years, Mr. Peruzzo didn't bite.



While taller strikers were on the pitch exploring the limits of Suck (hint:  Suck has no limits), my boyfriend spent the match, as usual, in the stands.



Lichtsteiner is starting to come unglued.



Paolino is starting to get his form back, which is bad news for Bonucci.




This guy, whoever the fuck he is, had the match of his life.  *sigh*  Unknown keepers from second-rate teams are not supposed to be able to stop the mighty Zebes.


The refereeing was bad, but I don't remember exactly what he did wrong.

Gigi gave the ref a little talking-to after the match.  For some reason, I think the reffing was bad all over that weekend, but I've blocked it all out now.


By the way, how cold is it in northern Italy?



it's so cold in northern Italy that Keyser Giorgio, Giorgio of the Jungle, our sweet Gio, is training in tights like a pussy.




Milos is still here, in case you were wondering.



El Pelado is hanging with the cool kids, of which he is certainly one.  Meanwhile, Vidal has started brooding about how he thought he was the cute brown one.  To which I say, Aw honey, you're very cute.  And here's the part I don't say:  But Martin is smokin' hot.  Mamma Mia!

(Oh dear.  I'm watching a replay of Inter-Novara and Caracciolo has just scored.  Martha must be spitting nails. *pats her*)

So that's it for the other zebra-stripey squads.  Perhaps now we can get back to kit selections that makes sense.

Old Lady Post: Coppa coppa Cáceres

Originally posted on February 4, 2012

JUVENTUS 3:0 ROMA

Come with me if you will to January 24, to the Coppa match against scary A.S. Roma.  The Giallorossi had just come off a 5-1 pounding of lowly Cesena whereas the Zebes were worried that their non-losing streak might come to an end.  Some of us hoped that we might see some lost boys in the line-up, given that it was a Coppa match.  However, Bunny favorites Vincenzo and the Green-Eyed Gorilla of Love were nowhere to be seen in any of the photos of the January training sessions, so it looked unlikely that either would appear.   Would Conte play to win?

Of course he would.  Conte plays to win every effing match.  It's the only way to maintain the proper grinta.

Before we dive in, let's consider this photo:


If it's January 2010, I think we all look at the smirk and the wink and think eeewwwwww.  But this is 2012, and we all love him now, and his creepy facial expressions are no longer all that upsetting.  Go figure.

Old Lady Post: Lost Boys in the Middle East

Originally posted on January 12, 2012


Um, yeah.  So it turns out that there is such a thing a a post that's too large.  I was surprised to discover this given some of the monstrously oversized Inter posts we have seen in past days, but there it is.  That means the end of the last post now gets to be its own post.

OK, then, let's get in the way-back machine and head back to December. Let's join the boys in training, shall we?



I was going to say that maybe I can back off Defcom Golf because I could look at Pepe without wanting to punch him, but now I see that he's twiddling his facial hair like a cartoon villain.  Safety first.  We remain at Defcom Golf.

Old Lady Post: Lecce

Originally posted on January 12, 2012

So I'm sure you all know by now that the suits brought in another striker.



I wish I could get on board with this, but I keep circling back to the thought that it is well and truly over for Loooca and Vincenzo now.  We all love football, but we come to this comm because we all have at least some non-football reasons for loving football.  Urge to love Borriello at war with urge to keep Loooca and Vince.  All this conflict is going to make my head explode.

Old Lady Post: Not Losing in December

Originally published on January 9, 2012

Il Mister is grateful that his hair plugs turned out well.

We're slowly getting caught up here.   Here are the salient facts: The Zebes have yet to lose, they got an ugly win against Lecce yesterday, and they haven't offloaded Amauri yet.  Before I get to any of that, though, I hope your enjoy another "best of"-style half-assed Tardy!spam recapping the last three matches of December.

Old Lady Post: Pinks and Laziale

Originally posted on December 30, 2011

Gee.  I wonder what the 29s are for? *smirk*


I have to wonder how many of you are still out there.  Spams have been slow in coming, I know, but I thought maybe I'd finish the year with some make-up spams and see if I can bring everyone up to date before the winter mercato starts bringing us actual facts instead of crazy rumors.

Buon Natale da Juve

Originally posted on December 20, 2011


As Martha and Inter have so aptly demonstrated, football suits of all varieties, through their evil PR minions, will never tire of forcing their players to sacrifice whatever tiny amount of dignity they might have by doing stupid things that may or may not help sell more t-shirts.  Juventus is no exception.  Here is their Christmas message, in two parts.

Now before you click, think about what you are about to see.  There will be some awkwardness, obviously.  Some bad singing, natch.  Some people who are just so damn happy to be allowed to represent for the zebes in public that they are about to burst.  Some people who clearly have contracts exempting the from this sort of shit.  Some language-impaired people.  Some disturbingly enthusiastic people.  Some grumpusses.  And one super-classy guy who perfectly finds the sweet spot where he can be a good sport without being a tool. 

I'm sure you won't be surprised by who turns out to be the biggest goober.






No!  I WON'T do an lj-cut!





&hearts to one and all


P.S.  There are renewed rumors about Martin Caceres coming back.  It's probably bullshit, but maybe it could happen if we all ask Santa.

P.P.S. Every time I play the one with Mirko, my beagle Tiki growls.

Old Lady Post: Interspam--Still Gloating

Originally posted on November 7, 2011



Inter 1:2 Juventus


You all know by now that Sunday's match against Napoli was rained out and has purportedly been rescheduled for December 14.  Thus, no Napspam and also a de facto extension of time for Dirtbunny to post an Inter spam.  Lucky lucky me!


WOOT!  WE BEAT INTER!



Let's not even bother with the whole "Inter isn't really Inter right now bit."  I'd rather beat Inter when Inter is at the top of their form, but matches happen when they happen and right now, Inter is what it is  and Juventus beat them.  At the San Siro.  Maybe it can't last.  Surely the other shoe will drop soon enough.  For now, though, Juventus is still unbeaten in Serie A.




Holy crap.  Even Milos looks half-decent in a suit, if you disregard the hair.

Old Lady Post: Alespam

Originally published on October 28, 2011

Juventus 2 : 2 Genoa
Juventus 2 : 1 Fiorentina

Four days, two matches, four points.  Not so bad, and it gives the worldwide Juventini contingent something else to think about.  It's still not OK, OK?  Life, however, goes on.  So:


Welcome back, bb, and thanks for bringing those eyelashes with you.

Before the jump, I have something I want to say.  I'm Juventina.  I didn't come about it by rational decision-making.  It just happened.  Also, I'm a known Inter-hater, tho I hope a fairly kindly and gentle one.  I didn't know I was supposed to hate Inter.  I came about it naturally and honestly.  Now:  The Big Match is tomorrow, and the Juve fansites, all full of the Viola win and Matri magic, are talking smack. I imagine the Inter ones are too, but whyever would I go there to find out?   OK, rivalries are fun and all that.  However, I am not down with calling Inter "Merda."  That, for me, is too much.  Just please don't ask me about Chelsea, OK?    /lecture

Half-Hearted Old Lady Post: Chievo. Bleh. Whatever

Originally posted on October 19, 2011




Chievo Verona 0:0 Juventus

It's not like I expected the Donkeys would crush the Zebes.  It's just that, well, you know, they can, and they have, and last year they did.  (Oh wait.  The andata last year was a draw.  It felt like a loss at the time and it still does.)  This time around, Juve managed a clean sheet on  a decent defensive performance and a lackluster offensive performance.  A null-null draw.  Just like nearly everyone else in Serie A last weekend.  How very exciting.


The star of the show:



And not just because he always is, either.  Because he came on as a SuperSub, immediately fired things up, made a crucial goal line clearance, and was mighty unlucky to knock a fine shot off the post.

I'm going to be blunt.  I'm really not in the mood for any of this.  However, it's not the players'  fault that I'm so bummed, and it's not your fault either.  I've got about 75 photos and some of them are pretty good and the Zebes survived an away game against the Donkeys.  Woo.  Hoo.  So on I go as is my  duty  privilege.  Fortunately, nothing much happened, so there wouldn't be much to say anyway.

Old Lady Post: Made of Win

Originally posted on October 4, 2010



JUVENTUS 2:0 MILAN

I have stuff going on IRL (if you care, you can read about it here) so the euphoria of Juventus' glorious victory had faded a little, but then I came across a link to this video........






...and it's all back, baby.  This might be the last Bianconeri win of the season but, courtesy of the international break, I intend to savor it for the next two weeks. Look at it! Look at Conte glomping Andrea and Gigi! Look at Bonucci and Gio lifting il Mister clear off the ground with mighty arms and hearts full of RAWR! Look at Lichtsteiner all "Oh, we're hugging. Ew. Okay. *pat pat* Can I go now?"  And Pepe all "Hey coach!  Hug me too!  Hug me!"  Thank goodness my ovaries are old and shriveled because I'm probably past the age where I can get pregnant over the Interwebs.



Or maybe not.

Old Lady Post: Triple Dose of Coulda Been Worse

Originally posted on October 1, 2011


Hey Tifosi!


Remember me?

Like Gio, I've been around; you just haven't seen me.  I blame my boss, Uncle Sam, who can be a real dick sometimes.  But that's all done now, and Gio and I are both back.  The Milan match is tomorrow and I'll need to start drinking early, so here's the Cliff Notes version of the last three matches.

Old Lady Post: Paolino Lives

 A fair number of photos from the Napoli match were posted late, and we have some mercato news to catch up with (nothing you don't already know, of course), so let's dig right in.




Hooray for Loooca! A meter ninety six of green-eyed gorilla love. *swoon*

Can you smell that?

If you ask Mr. D, he will almost invariably say "no."  His official position is that he can't smell anything.  So when you overhear him muttering this to the Yarn Bandit:

I can't stay mad at you, even though you reduce our environmental conditions to that of a hellhole.

...then you know you have a serious problem.  It's not like we don't clean up after the devilish urinator--we do--but he can be really sneaky, and it's hard to get it completely out.  Over time, and especially when it gets hot and humid, an above-and-beyond-the-call cleansing of the Hellhole is unavoidable.  And so, this morning, we rolled up the rugs, salvaged the salvageable rug pad and tossed the others, and took the rugs out to be professionally cleaned.  We will be back to the bare wood floors for three or four weeks.

Luca Lunedi

Dude is still out injured, but we miss him, don't we?  Here's an old one from last summer.  

Starting from 12:00 and going clockwise, that's Daniele Bonera, Sleepy, JoeBeppe, Monty, and Dogfish.  Loooca's in the center, looking confused and asking a question of Monty.  Monty actually has an education, so it's possible Loooca got a response that made sense. 

Now that's over, it's time for Random Monday!  Queue up der list-macher.

1. 
   
   It's raining, but there is still well over a foot of snow in the yard.   I think all my shrubs are crushed/dead, but I can see them under the snow, so I'm pretending everything is fine.
2. 
   
   I know many of you believe that workin' for Uncle Sam is all roses and sunshine and coffee breaks, but sometimes, like now, I get to do something legally correct but personally distasteful.  I have been working on it FOREVER, and I've been working hard, too, on a roll like I haven't seen in a very long time.  My ass has been in this chair for ten hours today.  Did I finish?  No.  Hooray.  I get to work on it again tomorrow.
3. 
   
   Bossboy is retiring.  His last day is Thursday.  Weirdly, the thought of him being gone has led to a new feeling of competence.  I actually know how to do my job!  I don't need Bossboy to protect me.  I'm going to be just fine.  If you had asked me last month, I would have predicted that I would spend this week and the month of March in the fetal position.  Go figure.
4. 
   
   I loathe how broadcasters lurve to tell you the results in other matches, matches you were saving to watch later, but now the suspense is ruined.  ESPN360dotcom did that to me today, ruining a Juve game for me.  Have they never heard of the DVR?  Do they not understand that maybe we want to watch?
5. 
   
   I am trying very hard to enjoy the Olympics.  Really I am.  I am enjoying the curling, which is on for several hours a day on CNBC.  I would like to enjoy some Nordic skiing and some speed skating, but that is apparently not allowed.  "They" seem to think that all we want to see is XTreme events, two star US alpine skiers, Shani Davis, and promos for NBC shows and for movies belonging to one of the NBC companies.  I think, but am not entirely sure, that athletes from other countries are competing, and I surmise that some of them are kinda good.
6. 
   
   We watch very little commercial TV, except the soccer channels, and what we do watch, we see on DVR so we skip all the commercials.  We are seeing commercials for the first time in a long time during the Olympics.  They're horrible!  An alien landing here would think from our commercials that Bud is a tasty beer, Walmart is a worker-friendly company bringing goodness and light to everyone, and life without a smart phone is not worth living.  How do you people cope?
7. 
   
   Here are the commercials we see:
• 
  
  Bosley hair treatment.  (They all look better in the before pictures when they were bald)
• 
  
  Some credit counseling/debt-reduction service that looks like a news report
• 
  
  That guy standing in front of a urinal.  My Spanish is terrible, but I surmise that he is selling some sort of prostate thing.
• 
  
  Magical extermination devices ("Ratas!  Ratones!  Y Cucarachas!")
• 
  
  Proactiv skin care treatments featuring celebrity chicas I have never heard of (they all look better in the after pictures when the acne is gone).  The dermatologist chill-in-chief doesn;t do this for the money, you know.  She does it because she was once an acne victim (o!  the humanity!) and she wants to help the world so it doesn't have to suffer.
• 
  
  Some home improvement buying club ("The savings are significant!")
• 
  
  Edward James Olmos doing Farmers Insurance ads in espanol.
• 
  
  Occasional promos for two other shows.  My favorite is the spanish-language football discussion group, which apparently consists of five pudgy middle-aged guys in suits, and one young buxom brunette lady in a low-cut blue sequined mini-dress.
8. 
   
   These low-budget babies are terrible, but they are, some of them anyway, refreshingly honest.  Five guys in suits and one beauty with big boobs?  You pretty much know what you are going to get.  Magic extermination?  If you fall for it, that's on you.  But if you drink a Bud expecting a transcendent experience, you will be sorely disappointed.
9. 
   
   I have renewed my contempt for judged sports.  Why do we need style points for ski jumping?  How about longest jump wins?  What's wrong with that?  I have also renewed my contempt for sports that are all about the equipment (bobsled) or are pretty much about going for a ride (bobsled, luge, skeleton). 
10. 
    
    More contempt:  That Russian figure skater who won the silver medal saying "It's a sport, not a show" while wearing his sparkly costume.
11. 
    
    And more contempt:  The Washington Post reporting that American skiers have lived up to the hype.  As if they had nothing to do with creating the hype in the first place.
12. 
    
    Oh dear.  I'm getting myself all worked up.  Let's see.  Happy thought.  Happy thought.  Hmmm.  This is hard.
13. 
    
    OK, how about this.  The Man, who has only recently mastered the social custom of saying "your hair looks nice" to someone who has just had her hair done, remembers exactly what the roses I carried at my wedding looked like, and he always tried to get roses just like them when he buys me roses.  Awwwwwwww.
14. 
    
    And, to wrap things up, you know I can't end a list with 13. 

~Fin~

This post powered by wearing the black hat on behalf of the people of America

Calcio Update

ISSUE NUMBER ONE




The Azzurri won their WCQ against Georgia yesterday by a score of 2-0. Dirtbunny is happy for the victory and for the three points in the Group Eight table, but there is no celebrating here. There is a problematic disconnect between the mids and strikers; the offense cannot seem to put the ball in the net, which is of course the object of the game. Gigi is playing like the rock star he is, for which we can all be grateful, but the team is not clicking.

Worse than that is the manner of this particular win. The Georgians scored two own goals. Actually, both own goals were scored by the same player.

Who happens to be the captain of the Georgian national team.

And the captain of the Georgian national team is .....

......Tiger.

Bad news for Tiger, and bad news for Tiger fans. He can't believe it. The Georgian press can't believe it. Some are saying that, with respect to the kidnapping and murder of Tiger's brother in 2001, well Tiger and Georgia are even now. Talk about a rough press. Poor guy.

I was probably going to call him up anyway, but now I definitely am. Welcome aboard. Poor guy.


Another unfortunate thing about Tiger is that he tends to take two kinds of photos. The unflattering candid sort, like this:

... and the embarrassing cheesecake sort, like these:

i guess we are meant to understand that one of Tiger's pasttimes is lurking in hotel hallways picking up johns. also, plz button your shirt.

what is it about cars?

He's a good-looking man, but these photos give Dirtbunny a skeevy feeling. Poor guy.

I am also doing something for Tiger that has never been done before. I am offering him asylum in the sovereign nation of Planet Bunny. He is a citizen now, and entitled to all the same privileges and protections that Planet Bunny's other citizen, that would be Dirtbunny, enjoys, for what it's worth. Planet Bunny is not recognized by anyone, anywhere (not the United Nations, not the Federation of Planets, not even TheManLand), but it's what I have to offer. Poor Guy.

So, Tiger. Ya want some time off, lay low and so forth? Or do you want to dive right back into training, get back on the horse, so to speak? Whatever you want, baby.

ISSUE NUMBER TWO

The summer transfer window is closed. Whew. Thank God for it. The Bianconeri benefited, on the whole, by signing some non-Dirtbunny Brazilians, and Capi and Fabi, although they lost Marco Marchionni to the Viola. One particular transfer has resulted in, well, he's DeadToMe (tm), so let's not mention it.

Most of the rest of the Dirtbunnies were stable this summer. Ole Man Panooch went from Roma to newly-promoted Parma. Sleepy was going to go to Chelsea, or not, depending on what day it was, but he stayed. Rino and Gian threatened to leave Milan, but didn't. ADP's evil agent/brother Stefano threatened to take ADP to China/Spain/MLS, but didn't. Capi, as I mentioned, went from Real Madrid to Juventus. Fabi, as I also mentioned, went from hell in France to Juventus. Olof left Juventus for Olympiacos, in Athens. Other threats were made, but in the end, everyone else stayed put.

The new season is beginning to shake out. Loooca is either injured or in disgrace, depending on who you ask, and is not playing. ADP is on the bench for reasons known only to Il Mister Ciro while lesser mortals like Vincenzo Iaquinta, That Wanker* and Amauri (grrr) get lots of playing time. League play is on an International Break for WCQs right now, but resumes this weekend.

Hot

This is the icon that the National Weather Service has been using for the last few days to describe the forecast for today. It is undoubtedly going to be the hottest day of the year so far.

.

.

.

Dirtbunny hates hot weather. And she is cursed. And doomed. So it is only fitting that today we are going to see the Galacticos play DC United at [product placement] Field where the Redskins play. And it is only fitting that game time is 3:00, because it's hard to imagine a hotter time of day than 3:00-5:00.

.

.

.

.

.

Dirtbunny is afraid she is going to die in the heat. She'll either cook, dry up, sweat to death, or turn into one red blister and explode. However, Raul will be there. If Dirtbunny doesn't go, she will never find out whether it is possible to be pregnant with two imaginary love-childs from two different fathers at the same time conceived weeks apart. [Little Sleepy is doing well. Thanks for asking.] Science demands that I give it a try.

.

.

.

.

.

[Product Placement] field is about, oh, 40-45 minutes from here (in Maryland, again). The game starts in about 4 hours. I'm not sure when we are leaving, but I expect it to take at least 90 minutes of travel time. Maybe more. Thus, the odds of The Man losing his shit in traffic--or worse: the parking lot--are pretty high, and so we have another potential death-of-Dirtbunny scenario to be concerned about. I think I'm going to have to take one of my special Bunny-Be-Calm pills. Wish me luck.

Disastro!

Act One

1. The stove is broken.


2. Repair guy comes on Tuesday.


3. Need foods we can eat cold, microwave, or George Foreman grill.


4. Mmmmmm. Italian deli products!


5. Off to the Glutton Place.


6. Fresh figs? Ooooh. Yes. Check


7. Prosciutto? Check


8. Ciabatta? Check


9. Balsamic vinegar? Check


10. Piave Vecchio?


11. Piave Vecchio?


12. Piave Vecchio?


13. [Bueller? Bueller?]


14. Scuse me cheese guy. Do you have any Piave Vecchio?


15. No ma'am, and we probably won't be ordering any more.


16. But....


17. What he actually said next was professional, courteous, and irrelevant. Translated into Bunny's simple but beautiful language, he said No one likes it but you, so we're not going to sell it any more.


18. But....


19. [wail of despair]


20. [raises fist to the sky and curses underdeveloped palates of other Glutton Place patrons]


21. [secret pride in Bunny's own sophistication compared to the great unwashed of McLean, Virginia]


22. [You might want to Google McLean, Virginia if you want to actually get that last joke]


23. Awww, Fuck it. They sell Piave at the Fresh Fields.

Act Two

Gigi: Did ya hear about Sleepy?

Capi: Yeah. Chelsea is bidding for him, but hasn't coughed up enough money for Berlusconi.

Gigi: What're we going to do if Chelsea buys him?

Capi: I don't know. Maybe we can get Il Mister Lippi to kick him off the Azzurri.

Gigi: If he left Italia to play for Bayern Munich, I would be sad, but I'd get over it. If he left Italia to play in France, I'd question his sanity, but I'd get over it. If he leaves Italia to go to Chelsea, I don't think I could ever forgive him.

Capi: The Blues of Satan. I can't think of anything worse.

Gigi: I only tolerate it from Petr because what else is he gonna do? Play in the Czech Republic?

Capi: Really.

Gigi: So what if AC Milan is on the skids? I stuck around when Juve got demoted to Serie B.

Capi: umm, erm

Gigi: Maybe we ought to change the subject.

Capi: Yes, let's. Meet me in the hotel after the game?

Gigi: I'll be the one with a hibiscus flower behind my ear.

Capi: [bacio, bacio]

Gigi: [bacio, bacio]

<>

Bianconeri versus Aston Villa in the Peace Cup final today at 3pm. Don't bother me. I'll be busy/drunk.

Gestating

And so the highlight of my year has come and gone. Dirtbunny has been to Baltimore to see her Dirtbunnies play in person. Dirtbunny, The Man, and 71,000 other people. It sold out. I had no idea. From the underwhelming response I've felt from around here, I thought I was alone in my futbol love. Nope. Other tifosi, wearing their team colors, shrieking delightedly at all the plays, groaning dramatically when the ball bounced off the crossbar, cheering madly when their favorite players took the pitch. I was with my peeps. It was awesome. I almost expired from all the love.




*sigh*



Here's some proof:




You know it's proof, because if I lifted these photos from someone else, they would have been good photos. Can you guess who that is in his "Aquarius" colored kit and specially designed bombardier helmet of brain injury avoidance? (I'm not kidding about the "Aquarius." That is apparently what Adidas calls that color.)



And down there are some Dirtbunnies. I know one of the longer-haired ones in white is Sleepy, and the black one in white is Clarence Seedorf, and I know that Rino is not in the picture because he hadn't come on yet, but otherwise, even I'm not sure what that is a picture of. Except Drogba. I can tell Drogba by the number on the blue jersey. Great. I went all the way to Baltimore and all I have to show for it is a photo of Didier Drogba.




So I got to see all of my Dirtbunnies play who were there (Petr Cech, Sleepy, Rino, Gian) except Deco. And I also got to see all the non-Dirtbunnies I was hoping to see (Borri, Pippo, Tiger). And I scouted some new Dirtbunnies material that you will be hearing about eventually.


I will say this. The next time we go to Baltimore, we will go the day before and get a hotel room. If you see The Man, it would be best not to ask him about the traffic. Or the parking lot.

Or how long it took to go 55 miles. There were times when we thought it wasn't worth it. But it was. Good times.

38 Days 'til Serie A Season Opener

So the Azzurri went to Confederations Cup. At first, all was well and it looked like they were going to the final, mostly because of this guy:




That would be Giuseppe Rossi, Jersey Boy. Beppe/Joe may or may not be transferring to Juventus this summer. I wouldn't know, because I'm not following the transfer rumors any more. He really is a good player. He belongs in Serie A, not playing for some third or fourth best Spanish team. Joebeppe had a great game against the USA. And also, there was a red card for a hard foul on Rino that gave him a wicked wedgie that he didn't bother to clear. (That's what you do with wedgies, right? You clear them?)




There he is, number 8, showing off his hamstring and glutes. It was an excellent game, although Loooca didn't score, which brings his streak to, I don't know, something like two years without a goal in international play.


And then the Azzurri played Egypt, which is a far inferior team, although not a terrible team. There's a reason Egypt keeps winning the African Cup of Nations. Their goalie was awesome. He played with a bloody rag wrapped around a seeping head wound for most of the game. A real tough guy. Yes indeedy. But the Azzurri lost. Here you see idiot Il Mister Lippi looking pained and Rino exhorting his boys to excellence from the bench:



Rino does not look happy, does he? But he's always en fuego, which is why we love him, and why he was Dirtbunny's first call up.



And after that, the Azzurri had to play Brazil, which are currently number one in the FIFA world rankings. The Azzurri were probably going to lose, but geewhiz it was going to be a humdinger of a game! Only it wasn't. And then we started thinking, well, damn, all you need to advance to the quarter finals is score one measly goal, even if you end up losing the game. They can score one measly goal. Only they couldn't.

Gian and Sleepy both on their backs while Robinho (Roe-bean-yo, not Robbin-hoe) uses them both utterly. Yeah. That pretty much sums it up.

And so does this:

[Rino looking on in stunned, pained disbelief while the rest of the bench tries to look invisible. How could his boys suck so bad?]

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The end result of all of this is that the Azzurri got knocked out of the tournament in the group stage, and the USA advanced. And then there were some exciting games with USA versus Spain and USA versus Brazil, and they were good to see, but they weren't the Azzurri. And because the Americans were playing, ESPN dropped the knowledgeable and entertaining broadcast teams of Tommy Smyth/Derek Rae and Adrian Healy/Robbie Mustoe in favor of some blathering idiot American commentators, so we were all deprived of excellent commentary as well as Italian futbollers. It was too sad.

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We are trying to fill the holes in our hearts with Le Tour de France brought to you in glorious high definition by Versus HD. There aren't any hot Italians, but there is a hot Swiss guy with an Italian name, and there's as much Lance Armstrong as any human being could reasonably be forced to bear. There are also some club friendlies coming up next week, to include our big trip to Baltimore to get impregnated by Sleepy--I mean--to see AC Milan sans Kaka kick some Blues of Satan buttocks. I might make it, if I knit more.

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Tangent: You may not think I proofread this, but I do, although not very carefully. Up there in the bit about the Egypt game, I started out with "There goalie." Does that make your head hurt? Mine too. I fixed it right away, to "They're goalie" and went on my merry way. Are you screaming inside with the dissonance? It's horrible, isn't it? Imagine if your job entailed spending all day reading crap from idiots who can't get their "it's" and "its" together! Anyway, because of the glories of proofreading, I caught my mistake in time. You're welcome. I don't know where it came from. I don't normally have trouble with this.