Old Lady Post: Lost Boys in the Middle East

Originally posted on January 12, 2012


Um, yeah.  So it turns out that there is such a thing a a post that's too large.  I was surprised to discover this given some of the monstrously oversized Inter posts we have seen in past days, but there it is.  That means the end of the last post now gets to be its own post.

OK, then, let's get in the way-back machine and head back to December. Let's join the boys in training, shall we?



I was going to say that maybe I can back off Defcom Golf because I could look at Pepe without wanting to punch him, but now I see that he's twiddling his facial hair like a cartoon villain.  Safety first.  We remain at Defcom Golf.

Old Lady Post: Lecce

Originally posted on January 12, 2012

So I'm sure you all know by now that the suits brought in another striker.



I wish I could get on board with this, but I keep circling back to the thought that it is well and truly over for Loooca and Vincenzo now.  We all love football, but we come to this comm because we all have at least some non-football reasons for loving football.  Urge to love Borriello at war with urge to keep Loooca and Vince.  All this conflict is going to make my head explode.

Old Lady Post: Not Losing in December

Originally published on January 9, 2012

Il Mister is grateful that his hair plugs turned out well.

We're slowly getting caught up here.   Here are the salient facts: The Zebes have yet to lose, they got an ugly win against Lecce yesterday, and they haven't offloaded Amauri yet.  Before I get to any of that, though, I hope your enjoy another "best of"-style half-assed Tardy!spam recapping the last three matches of December.

Old Lady Post: Seahorses and Napolitani

Originally posted on December 31, 2011



To pick up where we left off, it was time finally to visit the San Paolo.  Giornata 11 had been postponed because Tio Aurelio is soooooo afraid of the mighty mighty zebras that he conspired with God to make it rain so the match could not be played on November 6.  Or something like that.  I didn't pay much attention to the silly theories.  I don't read the Napoli press, but I imagine they were saying similar things about Agnelli and his evil minions.  Napoli is having an odd season.  They're performing
wonderfully in Europe but underachieving in league play.




On the other hand, Juventus was unbeaten and that surely cannot last.  They have to crash at some point and the San Paolo is kind of a scary place to play, so it seemed likely that this would be a nail-biter.  And it was.

Old Lady Post: Pinks and Laziale

Originally posted on December 30, 2011

Gee.  I wonder what the 29s are for? *smirk*


I have to wonder how many of you are still out there.  Spams have been slow in coming, I know, but I thought maybe I'd finish the year with some make-up spams and see if I can bring everyone up to date before the winter mercato starts bringing us actual facts instead of crazy rumors.

Buon Natale da Juve

Originally posted on December 20, 2011


As Martha and Inter have so aptly demonstrated, football suits of all varieties, through their evil PR minions, will never tire of forcing their players to sacrifice whatever tiny amount of dignity they might have by doing stupid things that may or may not help sell more t-shirts.  Juventus is no exception.  Here is their Christmas message, in two parts.

Now before you click, think about what you are about to see.  There will be some awkwardness, obviously.  Some bad singing, natch.  Some people who are just so damn happy to be allowed to represent for the zebes in public that they are about to burst.  Some people who clearly have contracts exempting the from this sort of shit.  Some language-impaired people.  Some disturbingly enthusiastic people.  Some grumpusses.  And one super-classy guy who perfectly finds the sweet spot where he can be a good sport without being a tool. 

I'm sure you won't be surprised by who turns out to be the biggest goober.






No!  I WON'T do an lj-cut!





&hearts to one and all


P.S.  There are renewed rumors about Martin Caceres coming back.  It's probably bullshit, but maybe it could happen if we all ask Santa.

P.P.S. Every time I play the one with Mirko, my beagle Tiki growls.

Old Lady Post: Interspam--Still Gloating

Originally posted on November 7, 2011



Inter 1:2 Juventus


You all know by now that Sunday's match against Napoli was rained out and has purportedly been rescheduled for December 14.  Thus, no Napspam and also a de facto extension of time for Dirtbunny to post an Inter spam.  Lucky lucky me!


WOOT!  WE BEAT INTER!



Let's not even bother with the whole "Inter isn't really Inter right now bit."  I'd rather beat Inter when Inter is at the top of their form, but matches happen when they happen and right now, Inter is what it is  and Juventus beat them.  At the San Siro.  Maybe it can't last.  Surely the other shoe will drop soon enough.  For now, though, Juventus is still unbeaten in Serie A.




Holy crap.  Even Milos looks half-decent in a suit, if you disregard the hair.

Old Lady Post: Alespam

Originally published on October 28, 2011

Juventus 2 : 2 Genoa
Juventus 2 : 1 Fiorentina

Four days, two matches, four points.  Not so bad, and it gives the worldwide Juventini contingent something else to think about.  It's still not OK, OK?  Life, however, goes on.  So:


Welcome back, bb, and thanks for bringing those eyelashes with you.

Before the jump, I have something I want to say.  I'm Juventina.  I didn't come about it by rational decision-making.  It just happened.  Also, I'm a known Inter-hater, tho I hope a fairly kindly and gentle one.  I didn't know I was supposed to hate Inter.  I came about it naturally and honestly.  Now:  The Big Match is tomorrow, and the Juve fansites, all full of the Viola win and Matri magic, are talking smack. I imagine the Inter ones are too, but whyever would I go there to find out?   OK, rivalries are fun and all that.  However, I am not down with calling Inter "Merda."  That, for me, is too much.  Just please don't ask me about Chelsea, OK?    /lecture

Half-Hearted Old Lady Post: Chievo. Bleh. Whatever

Originally posted on October 19, 2011




Chievo Verona 0:0 Juventus

It's not like I expected the Donkeys would crush the Zebes.  It's just that, well, you know, they can, and they have, and last year they did.  (Oh wait.  The andata last year was a draw.  It felt like a loss at the time and it still does.)  This time around, Juve managed a clean sheet on  a decent defensive performance and a lackluster offensive performance.  A null-null draw.  Just like nearly everyone else in Serie A last weekend.  How very exciting.


The star of the show:



And not just because he always is, either.  Because he came on as a SuperSub, immediately fired things up, made a crucial goal line clearance, and was mighty unlucky to knock a fine shot off the post.

I'm going to be blunt.  I'm really not in the mood for any of this.  However, it's not the players'  fault that I'm so bummed, and it's not your fault either.  I've got about 75 photos and some of them are pretty good and the Zebes survived an away game against the Donkeys.  Woo.  Hoo.  So on I go as is my  duty  privilege.  Fortunately, nothing much happened, so there wouldn't be much to say anyway.

Old Lady Post: Triple Dose of Coulda Been Worse

Originally posted on October 1, 2011


Hey Tifosi!


Remember me?

Like Gio, I've been around; you just haven't seen me.  I blame my boss, Uncle Sam, who can be a real dick sometimes.  But that's all done now, and Gio and I are both back.  The Milan match is tomorrow and I'll need to start drinking early, so here's the Cliff Notes version of the last three matches.

Old Lady Post: Something is Different

Originally posted on September 13, 2011

JUVENTUS 4:1 PARMA



Guess which one scored a goal.

Old Lady Post: Fail. FAIL FAIL FAIL

Juventus whatever:  Everyone else  Forty Billion


So.  Three matches, two points, Zebes can't keep a lead, Delneri is canned, mercato rumors blah blah blah.  Is there really any point to a big rehash?  No.  No there isn't.  It might have been different.....




...but it wasn't.

Old Lady Post: How I love those stripey morons!

 Lazio 0:1 Juventus



Lichtsteiner can't believe it and neither can I.


Just when you think you can get some distance from the fail and maybe even go on with your life, they do something wonderful and before you know it, you're forgiving them and letting them move back in with their ugly sofa, even though you know in two days two hours they'll have their asses parked on that sofa, watching WWE Smackdown,  spilling beer and getting Cheetos dust all over the place.   You know you'd be better off with some other squadra, one that at least puts some respectable effort into their fail, but you just can't live without them.  Bastards.

Zebras:  What?  *BELCH!*
DB :  *sigh*

So here they are with their low-hanging pants and backwards baseball caps and they flex their biceps and do some idiot new skateboard trick* and say "Aw, come on baby.  You know you're my girl."  And here I am tripping over their stinky gym shoes, doing their laundry, and fetching stuff from the fridge, loving every minute of it and hating myself for loving it.


*Was "cool" once, but may no longer be cool.  I'm old.  Please substitute updated imagery if necessary.

Old Ladzzzzzzzz

 Fiorentina 0:0  Juventus


It's kind of difficult to complain much.  Maybe the zebes aren't actual shit, but they play football like they're shit.


Sooooooo boring.  The whole match was a Festival Of Feh in which the most exciting thing that happened was that Leo yelled at Sorensen for getting a stupid yellow card.  Roma lost, so the boys had the chance to move into sixth, and they didn't do it.   Actually, they didn't do much of anything.  Fortunately, neither did Viola.

Old Lady Post: The Juventus Defense----60% of the time, it works every time

 Cesena 2:2 Juventus



What a big improvement!  Instead of the Zebes uniformly playing shit, they only played partly shit.  It was an exciting match.  Juventus went up 2-0, then gave up a penalty that could have been a whole lot fucking worse than it was, and then the second half was thirty five minutes of nail-biting to see if the boys could hold.  Alas, they could not.  Also, I'm pretty sure that Lady Luck hates seahorses.

Old Lady Post: Um....Ouch. Plus, Breaking Gio News

Sampdoria 0:0 Juventus





Any questions?


Oh boy.  This was a match in which only the brutes and Pepe stood out.  There was kicking and screaming, pushing and shoving, eye-poking and hair-pulling, shootings and stabbings, military coups and counter-revolutions, and one poor excuse for Zorro in a tricked-out mask saving the day.  OK, not really, but this was a crazy physical match that probably has every single player for both sides in the whirlpool as we speak.  Poor babies.  And the bit about the Zorro is true.

pagelle

Old Lady Post: Due Principini

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON JANUARY 19, 2011

*crosses fingers, cuts-and-pastes from notepad, and strikes off to edit html codings that I don't really understand*


Juventus 2:1 Bari



So that brings us to Sunday, which was the day that the Reds did not lose the Merseyside Derby, and the first day of the Ritorno for Juventus. Juve met Bari. Bari is at the bottom of the table, and the match was at the Stadio Olimpico, and Bari has already beat Juventus this year, and the only Juve striker who is not broken is Niccolo Giannetti. Four reasons for Juventus to choke hard. Did they?



I'm told this is a celebration.  Romans.  *shakes head*


No they did not.

Pagelle

Old Lady Post: Coppa Spam

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON JANUARY 18, 2011




Juventus 1:0 Catania

It was a busy week.  Juventus advanced in the Coppa Italia and beat Bari at home to scrape up three much-needed points.  There were some injuries and some recoveries and some transfers that ended up not happening, but by far the most important thing that happened was this:
Gigi is back.



That face!

His back is squared away.  His hair is squared away.  His form is squared away.  His attitude is squared away:

It’s a beautiful emotion that for someone who has won a World Cup, played in a Champions League final, and played in so many important stadiums like me, that this night meant so much to me even if it was “just” a Coppa match. I must thank the fans who often said “Why the hell are you staying here when you could leave and win in other places?” I don’t think I could find this kind of affection anywhere else, and maybe it’s true that I could leave and win elsewhere, but the love they give me is worth more than any kind of victory, it’s amazing. I thank them from the bottom of my heart.  source

He loves us back!

Catania pagelle

Old Lady Post: Life After Quags

Originally posted on January 10, 2011.



 Napoli 3:0 Juventus




On the one hand, that blew, obviously.  On the other hand, it was an honorable loss to a good team on a day when their creepy striker was insanely good.  I dunno about you, but I for one am more satisfied with this match than I was with the Chievo draw.

Lanzafame is officially gone to Brescia to be near Zebina, which is the worst punishment that the suits could come up with.  Another blow for us Attitude Problems, poor misunderstood problem children that we are.  Speaking of attitude problems, I really really really really want to believe that this Mutu rumor is bullshit, but I'm getting ready to panic just in case, and no Martha, the photo..... 

... is not helping me see any positive possibilities.  This Fernando Torres rumor is almost certainly crap and please dear God let this Ryan Babel rumor be wrong, which it probably is, since it comes from Goal.com.  I live in a Liverpool-Juventus household and those teams trading their problems back and forth does neither of us any good.  Oh, and Dzeko has gone to Man City, so that's over at least until the summer window.

Old Lady Post: Excellent Elf Brace Leads Juve to Fabulous 4-2 Victory!

Originally Published on January 7, 2011




JUVENTUS 1:4 PARMA

JUVENTUS 4:2 PARMA




What a week!  And what a time for Elf to come alive!  All season long, he's been struggling with only one goal, but Thursday he scored TWO beautiful goals.  His Juve masters are surely beaming with pleasure.  I know I am.  Everything good happened, but even more important, nothing bad happened!  Nothing bad at all!

Match Report