Yeah, like I'm not still obsessing over transfer rumors.
Even if ADP came to play in DC (and why would he when China and Spain undoubtedly could pay him better), and even if he moved in next door (and why would he want a crappy 60-year-old colonial with no garage, a crappy yard, and crazy loud Dirtbunny neighbors), it would be bad.
Real-life ADP: golf-playing, bad-haircut-getting, NBA-loving, man-purse-carrying, married-with-children.
Imaginary boyfriend ADP: none of the above, bears at best only a passing resemblance to real-life ADP's carefully-managed public image.
We have learned from "Back to the Future," "Harry Potter," etc. that time travel is not to be messed with cuz bad stuff happens.
Imaginary boyfriend ADP, perfect as he is, must never meet real-life ADP-next-door with family and flaws, or some sort of breach in the space-time continuum would ...., it would......, I dunno, something bad would happen. Something really bad.
ADP must stay in Italy.
This is all crap anyway, right? This is just his agent trying to set up a strong negotiating position, right?
Monday, June 15, 2009
Luca Lunedi
Screw it. Who can think about Loooca when ADP's agent is upsetting us all with vague statements such as (to paraphrase) "His contract is up soon, and if you don't want him, there are plenty who do."
Here is one such statement:
http://www.channel4.com/sport/football_italia/jun15g.html
Here is another:
http://www.goal.com/en/news/10/italy/2009/06/15/1325791/juventus-icon-alessandro-del-piero-tempted-by-la-primera
Here is the sound of Bunny's head hitting the floor when she passes out:
[thunk!]
Spain?
China?
MLS?
The only possible non-Bianconeri solution is for him to sign with DC United. The house next door is for sale, hovel that it is. He could live here practically incognito because no one gives a shi--oops--hoot, yeah, no one gives a hoot about futbol. But even that (although good for my relationship with ADP) would be the kiss of death for his career.
And if he did move in next door, I'd have to cut down all those expensive bushes so I could spy on him more effectively--oops--I mean so we could swap recipes over the fence more easily. Kirby likes to escape over there. Maybe I could stop discouraging that behavior. "Kirby! Where'd you go little fella? Kirby! Oh hi neighbor. Seems my little explorer has crossed over again. I'm looking for him. That's why I'm creeping around under your windows. Have you seen my little buddy?"
Nay! It is bad! Bad!
[thunk thunk thunk!]
Monday, June 8, 2009
Luca Lunedi
Mr. February:
This one is clearly more about the car than the calciotorre.
OK, I just made that word up.
Ahem. Anyway, do you think there's enough leg room in that little roadster for him? It's a nice-looking car. I'd feel really bad if I scraped that car on a parking garage pylon.
This one is clearly more about the car than the calciotorre.
OK, I just made that word up.
Ahem. Anyway, do you think there's enough leg room in that little roadster for him? It's a nice-looking car. I'd feel really bad if I scraped that car on a parking garage pylon.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
FC Dirtbunny update
So yesterday, a team of Azzurri juniors and second-stringers met Northern Ireland in an international friendly. The Azzurri won handily 3-nil on goals by, well, it's a long story.
1. One goal by Rossi, the Azzurri from Teaneck, NJ who plays in Spain. His Jersey-ness detracts from his Azzurri-ness every time they mention it, which they do a lot, since they are broadcasting to an American audience and assume that we will love him more if they keep harping on the fact that he's not Italian. He is a good player however, only that is bad for ADP because he plays the same position as ADP.
2. One goal by Foggia, who is evil because he plays for Lazio, which is evil because it is the most fascist team in Italy. And by that, I do not mean, woah Man your bogus rules are fascist. I mean fascist as in political fascists, the party of Mussolini, and proud of it. Also, Lazio beat the Bianconeri twice in the Coppa Italia.
3. One goal by Serge Pelissier, who scored a hat trick against the Bianconeri for the Flying Donkeys. Despite myself, I find myself liking the donkeys even though the Bianconeri should have beaten them.
I have three other things to say about the game.
1. Rino played. He is coming off a long injury. God how I love him! Watching him scramble around the pitch made my heart all warm and happy.
2. How pretty is Federico Marchetti anyway and how come I haven't noticed him before?
3. Fabi's new sideburns are an abomination, even by Italian standards. I hereby sentence him to tonsorial rehab. He can continue to train with the Dirtbunnies but he gets no playing time and can't sit next to me on the bench until he gets his facial hair sorted out. It hurts me to have to impose discipline, but some things are just flat-out unacceptable.
The Azzurri have another friendly this week against New Zealand, and then they start the confederations cup next week, at which point the seniors will presumably play, although not ADP, because Marcello Lippi is an idiot.
1. One goal by Rossi, the Azzurri from Teaneck, NJ who plays in Spain. His Jersey-ness detracts from his Azzurri-ness every time they mention it, which they do a lot, since they are broadcasting to an American audience and assume that we will love him more if they keep harping on the fact that he's not Italian. He is a good player however, only that is bad for ADP because he plays the same position as ADP.
2. One goal by Foggia, who is evil because he plays for Lazio, which is evil because it is the most fascist team in Italy. And by that, I do not mean, woah Man your bogus rules are fascist. I mean fascist as in political fascists, the party of Mussolini, and proud of it. Also, Lazio beat the Bianconeri twice in the Coppa Italia.
3. One goal by Serge Pelissier, who scored a hat trick against the Bianconeri for the Flying Donkeys. Despite myself, I find myself liking the donkeys even though the Bianconeri should have beaten them.
I have three other things to say about the game.
1. Rino played. He is coming off a long injury. God how I love him! Watching him scramble around the pitch made my heart all warm and happy.
2. How pretty is Federico Marchetti anyway and how come I haven't noticed him before?
3. Fabi's new sideburns are an abomination, even by Italian standards. I hereby sentence him to tonsorial rehab. He can continue to train with the Dirtbunnies but he gets no playing time and can't sit next to me on the bench until he gets his facial hair sorted out. It hurts me to have to impose discipline, but some things are just flat-out unacceptable.
The Azzurri have another friendly this week against New Zealand, and then they start the confederations cup next week, at which point the seniors will presumably play, although not ADP, because Marcello Lippi is an idiot.
Stuppid
[look it up on Bunny's FAQ]
So two weeks ago, Professor The Man was at Pork Barrel University and at some point early on during that week, Dirtbunny's answering machine kicked the bucket. Ever since, we have been meaning to get a new one. We know we can get a really good one for lots of money at the big box electronic store, but that means driving and crazy parking garages and escalators and all of those commercial-experience things that give Dirtbunny anxiety attacks.
Or we could get an inexpensive one at the local Radio Shack, and not be entirely sure of the quality of what we get.
Or we could sign up for voicemail through the Phone Company, but I suspect that will cost us $5 per month plus maybe another $8 per month in inexplicable fees and taxes, and I'm opposed to giving more money to the Phone Company, especially if I don't know what my billing statement means.
So we have been dithering. We almost went out for one yesterday, but Dirtbunny had a case of the vapors and had to retire to her boudoir. Whilst asleep, Dirtbunny had a dream. A wonderful dream about an answering machine. In which Dirtbunny examined an answering machine and saw that it had an "on/off" switch.
Dirtbunny retained that dream (most of them go off into the ether once she wakes up). And this morning Dirtbunny asked herself, I wonder she sez does our answering machine have an on/off switch? She disconnected the machine from the wall and flipped it over. Nope nothing on the back but nine years of dust. Nothing on the sides except volume controls. Oh well. It was worth a shot.
Dirtbunny put the machine down on the kitchen counter and looked at the face of the machine one last time. There sure are a lot of unnecessary buttons and switches on the front, that's for sure.
Wait!
Oh. My. God.
A button labeled on/off.
Could it be?
Bunny presses the button. The answering machine indicator lights up. There is a message! Dirtbunny plays the message. The answering machine works. Shopping trip is unnecessary, and answering-machine money can now be spent on vet bills or yarn.
I haven't felt this dumb since I started taking the wrong pills and made myself seriously sick for a week.
So two weeks ago, Professor The Man was at Pork Barrel University and at some point early on during that week, Dirtbunny's answering machine kicked the bucket. Ever since, we have been meaning to get a new one. We know we can get a really good one for lots of money at the big box electronic store, but that means driving and crazy parking garages and escalators and all of those commercial-experience things that give Dirtbunny anxiety attacks.
Or we could get an inexpensive one at the local Radio Shack, and not be entirely sure of the quality of what we get.
Or we could sign up for voicemail through the Phone Company, but I suspect that will cost us $5 per month plus maybe another $8 per month in inexplicable fees and taxes, and I'm opposed to giving more money to the Phone Company, especially if I don't know what my billing statement means.
So we have been dithering. We almost went out for one yesterday, but Dirtbunny had a case of the vapors and had to retire to her boudoir. Whilst asleep, Dirtbunny had a dream. A wonderful dream about an answering machine. In which Dirtbunny examined an answering machine and saw that it had an "on/off" switch.
Dirtbunny retained that dream (most of them go off into the ether once she wakes up). And this morning Dirtbunny asked herself, I wonder she sez does our answering machine have an on/off switch? She disconnected the machine from the wall and flipped it over. Nope nothing on the back but nine years of dust. Nothing on the sides except volume controls. Oh well. It was worth a shot.
Dirtbunny put the machine down on the kitchen counter and looked at the face of the machine one last time. There sure are a lot of unnecessary buttons and switches on the front, that's for sure.
Wait!
Oh. My. God.
A button labeled on/off.
Could it be?
Bunny presses the button. The answering machine indicator lights up. There is a message! Dirtbunny plays the message. The answering machine works. Shopping trip is unnecessary, and answering-machine money can now be spent on vet bills or yarn.
I haven't felt this dumb since I started taking the wrong pills and made myself seriously sick for a week.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Life without futbol
......sucks. Seriously. I actually watched 30 seconds of "According to Jim" last night before The Man pried the remote from my catatonic hands and sent me to bed.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Luca Lundei
His protests are magnificent, remember?
Also, news flash. If That Wanker, Iaquinta, has---oh----10,000 or so more games like the last few he's had for the Bianconeri, it is possible, maybe, that Dirtbunny might allow him to rehabilitate himself. Maybe. For now, he's That Wanker*.
Also, news flash. If That Wanker, Iaquinta, has---oh----10,000 or so more games like the last few he's had for the Bianconeri, it is possible, maybe, that Dirtbunny might allow him to rehabilitate himself. Maybe. For now, he's That Wanker*.
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