Ah, the 80s. Ground zero, if you're a Gen-Xer, for crappy music that sometimes maybe holds a sort of nostalgic appeal. Will I once in a while pull out my Journey albums and pretend I can hit the high notes like Steve Perry? Sure. If "Hungry Like A Wolf" comes on the radio, will I lurch desperately for the off button? No, probably not.
However, the 80s changed music forEVAR. I blame MTV. Heart was once a bad-ass girl group that could rock out. Then they started wearing frock coats and push-up bras and big hair and making videos and they sucked. I don't care how many records they sold. I don't don't care how many of those terrible songs hit the charts. They were nothing like the hard-rocking stuff form the early days. They were vapid and TV-ready. They sucked.
I was prompted to consider this on the commute home when Dire Straits' "Walk of Life" came on. I had to change the station after the first few bars. (Luckily, there was Green Day on the other station.) Dire Straits was an awesome, awesome band back in the day. "Sultans of Swing"? Are you kidding? Then they suddenly made a huge hit album and became horribly uncool. "Money for Nothing" and "So Far Away" were crappy songs, but at least if you tried hard enough, you could hear an occasional bit of bluesy guitar. Not so much "Walk of Life" in which insipid bouncy repetitive keyboard drowned out any hint of guitar that may once have been on the original session tapes. Dire Straits is all about the guitar, people. Kill it and what's the point? This started me thinking about other bands that once were cool that became awful during the 80s and so behold:
Bands Who Killed themselves with suck in the 80s:
1. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Before, "American Girl," "Refugee," "There goes my Girl," "The Waiting." Hell. "Stop Dragging my Heart Around" with Stevie Nicks, if you want to be generous with your definition of "Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers." After: "Freefallin'," a no. 1 hit by the way.
NB: If you listen to "American Girl" often enough, you will eventually stop immediately associating it with "Silence of the Lambs." Cos that was creepy.
2. Huey Lewis and the News. Before. "Workin' for a Living," "Do you believe in love?" Stay with me. That one is a little syrupy but it doesn't make me want to shove knitting needles into my ear canals. Then "Heart and Soul" and "I Want a New Drug" and they were slipping a bit, but still pleasing. And then "Stuck with You." O.M.G. I can't believe any self-respecting music producer let that one out into the world. Buy hey! Another no.1, so what do I know.
3. Phil Collins. Just kidding. His solo career was awful from the get-go, although "Sussudio" is a contender for All Time Nadir of Rock ad Roll. Or possibly "Groovy Kind of Love." Again though: no. 1 song. Holy shit! "Groovy Kind of Love" was no. 1 too! Who was buying records back then?
4. Fleetwood Mac. Before: Everything off Tusk, and Fleetwood Mac, and Rumors. After: "Oh Diane" started it, but "Little Lies" was positively heinous.
5. Belinda Carlisle. When she was with the Go-gos, she and her coke-addled band mates looked like the kind of people with which I'd like to put up my hair in little ponytails and go splash around in a fountain. After: She straightened her hair, dropped a lot of weight, and put out "Mad About You" and "Heaven is a Place on Earth." So the slightly naughty cool chick was writing greeting cards. Ick.
TANGENT: Good thing I keep heading off to Google to spell-check. I was calling her "Melinda."
6. Journey. They are one of my all-time faves, but I have to pretend that Escape was their last studio albums. Yeah, I know. "Open Arms" is wholly sappy, but I give it a pass. I knew it was over when they came out with Frontiers and "Faithfully." Don't get me started on Steve Perry's solo no. 1 "hit" with "Oh, Sherrie." Dude, it's 30 years later and I'm still convinced that (a) she should have worn a bra and (b) she's not a very convincing beard.
7. Hall & Oates. Before: "Sara Smile," "She's Gone." After: "Maneater." BTW: If anyone knows what the hell was going on in the video for "Method of Modern Love," please call me.
8. Van Halen. Before: "Dance the Night Away," an ass-kicking cover of "Pretty Woman," and another ass-kicking cover of "You Really Got Me." After: "Jump." QED
9. Jefferson Airplane. Before: Oh dear, where do I begin? After: they became "Starship" and gave us "We Built This City." I hope they're ashamed of themselves.
10. Cheap Trick. Before: "Surrender," "I Want You to Want Me," "Dream Police." After: "The Flame." I weep for humanity.
Special Mention: The Traveling Wilburys. You'd hope that when you put Dylan, George, Tom Petty, Roy Orbison, and Jeff Lyne together and then took Jeff Lynne out back and shot him and made the rest of them write songs together that you would get something worth listening to. You would be wrong.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Phone rant
In the olden days, we had a voice mail system. If you were at your phone, you could access your voice mail. If you were not at your phone, you could call your own phone number and get into your voicemail by dialing *.
Now we have a computerized system. Supposedly, your computer notifies you that you have a message and you can just click on it and listen through the computer. Not. At least not for me, as mine doesn't appear to be connected to my sound. If I am not at my phone and I want to listen to my voice mail, I need access to my work email or I'm SOL. The system emails me a voice message that I can't listen to, BUT I can email it to myself and listen to it from me personal email account through my personal hardware. Then I can just click on the damn thing and listen to it.
It took me 45 minutes to discovery this through trial and error.
We have an intranet where we can share useful information like How to Work Your Phone. I searched and searched for anything remotely resembling "So you don't know how to work your stinkin' phone," but no. If it's there, it's not findable.
Your tax dollars at work.
P.S., I'm still providing my own pens. And pencils. And erasers.
Now we have a computerized system. Supposedly, your computer notifies you that you have a message and you can just click on it and listen through the computer. Not. At least not for me, as mine doesn't appear to be connected to my sound. If I am not at my phone and I want to listen to my voice mail, I need access to my work email or I'm SOL. The system emails me a voice message that I can't listen to, BUT I can email it to myself and listen to it from me personal email account through my personal hardware. Then I can just click on the damn thing and listen to it.
It took me 45 minutes to discovery this through trial and error.
We have an intranet where we can share useful information like How to Work Your Phone. I searched and searched for anything remotely resembling "So you don't know how to work your stinkin' phone," but no. If it's there, it's not findable.
Your tax dollars at work.
P.S., I'm still providing my own pens. And pencils. And erasers.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Old Lady Post: Udinese and Siena
Originally posted on February 13, 2012
Juventus 2:1 Udinese
OK, so I can't keep that up, but the match did happen so long ago that I don't remember anything except Win! and Snow!
BUM has slowly been losing it over the past week weeks. It can't be long before he pulls one of his psycho things that he does.
Claudio's steely determination.
I love snow.
I wonder how much product it takes to keep the hairz up when it's wet outside. If it's my hair, then the answer is "there's not enough product in the universe."
Three things I like about Andrea right now: His plain shoes. His ring finger tattoo. His tanned (!) knees.
His hair stays bouncy and flowy in the snow.
Hey there, Samir.
First look at Quags's right arm disappearing up to the elbow. Then look at Gelson Fernandes's expression of surprise. I know I'm not the only one who's thinking it.
It's true. Matri was a beast and scored two.
He did his Super Secret Selebration instead of the weird surfing thing from a few weeks ago.
Ummm, Matri looks like he could be a bit happier here.
Yeah, Leo. As if you had much to do with it. And don't be late for dinner.
After that, the Zebes traveled to Parma, where their match was snowed out. It's rescheduled for Wednesday.
After that, The Zebes were home to more zebras, from Siena this time.
Juventus 0:0 Siena
Um, this was a boring and disappointing one. As usual, I remember very little. One thing I know for sure, however...
Mirketto was dire. I mean seriously bad. Conte left him on the pitch for far too long.
When Conte finally subbed in Borriello, he was tragic as well.
So Marco tried to make up for his fail by baiting the ref. Despite his insanely tender years, Mr. Peruzzo didn't bite.
While taller strikers were on the pitch exploring the limits of Suck (hint: Suck has no limits), my boyfriend spent the match, as usual, in the stands.
Lichtsteiner is starting to come unglued.
Paolino is starting to get his form back, which is bad news for Bonucci.
This guy, whoever the fuck he is, had the match of his life. *sigh* Unknown keepers from second-rate teams are not supposed to be able to stop the mighty Zebes.
The refereeing was bad, but I don't remember exactly what he did wrong.
Gigi gave the ref a little talking-to after the match. For some reason, I think the reffing was bad all over that weekend, but I've blocked it all out now.
By the way, how cold is it in northern Italy?
it's so cold in northern Italy that Keyser Giorgio, Giorgio of the Jungle, our sweet Gio, is training in tights like a pussy.
Milos is still here, in case you were wondering.
El Pelado is hanging with the cool kids, of which he is certainly one. Meanwhile, Vidal has started brooding about how he thought he was the cute brown one. To which I say, Aw honey, you're very cute. And here's the part I don't say: But Martin is smokin' hot. Mamma Mia!
(Oh dear. I'm watching a replay of Inter-Novara and Caracciolo has just scored. Martha must be spitting nails. *pats her*)
So that's it for the other zebra-stripey squads. Perhaps now we can get back to kit selections that makes sense.
A long, long time ago, in a place far, far away from Bunny's house, there were two tribes of zebras who met in battle on a wet, snowy day to decide which zebras were the most awesome. What actually happened on that day has now passed into legend as there is no one left who is alive to remember. However, there is some mention in church records that the battle was won by the Zebras of the West and that they were led by a strange Matri!beast with flowing brown hair and a strange star on his chest.
Historians, however, have recently discovered some strange etchings on a ruin in an abandoned town in southwest Lombardia. After carefully removing millennia of dirt and grime, they have uncovered a single, crucial word that gives the etchings meaning: Matri. It is widely accepted among academics that this important finding is indeed a contemporaneous record of the largely forgotten battle between zebra and zebra. For the first time ever, copies of the mysterious images have been made available for public viewing.
Historians, however, have recently discovered some strange etchings on a ruin in an abandoned town in southwest Lombardia. After carefully removing millennia of dirt and grime, they have uncovered a single, crucial word that gives the etchings meaning: Matri. It is widely accepted among academics that this important finding is indeed a contemporaneous record of the largely forgotten battle between zebra and zebra. For the first time ever, copies of the mysterious images have been made available for public viewing.
Juventus 2:1 Udinese
OK, so I can't keep that up, but the match did happen so long ago that I don't remember anything except Win! and Snow!
BUM has slowly been losing it over the past week weeks. It can't be long before he pulls one of his psycho things that he does.
Claudio's steely determination.
I love snow.
I wonder how much product it takes to keep the hairz up when it's wet outside. If it's my hair, then the answer is "there's not enough product in the universe."
Three things I like about Andrea right now: His plain shoes. His ring finger tattoo. His tanned (!) knees.
His hair stays bouncy and flowy in the snow.
Hey there, Samir.
First look at Quags's right arm disappearing up to the elbow. Then look at Gelson Fernandes's expression of surprise. I know I'm not the only one who's thinking it.
It's true. Matri was a beast and scored two.
He did his Super Secret Selebration instead of the weird surfing thing from a few weeks ago.
Ummm, Matri looks like he could be a bit happier here.
Yeah, Leo. As if you had much to do with it. And don't be late for dinner.
After that, the Zebes traveled to Parma, where their match was snowed out. It's rescheduled for Wednesday.
After that, The Zebes were home to more zebras, from Siena this time.
Juventus 0:0 Siena
Um, this was a boring and disappointing one. As usual, I remember very little. One thing I know for sure, however...
Mirketto was dire. I mean seriously bad. Conte left him on the pitch for far too long.
When Conte finally subbed in Borriello, he was tragic as well.
So Marco tried to make up for his fail by baiting the ref. Despite his insanely tender years, Mr. Peruzzo didn't bite.
While taller strikers were on the pitch exploring the limits of Suck (hint: Suck has no limits), my boyfriend spent the match, as usual, in the stands.
Lichtsteiner is starting to come unglued.
Paolino is starting to get his form back, which is bad news for Bonucci.
This guy, whoever the fuck he is, had the match of his life. *sigh* Unknown keepers from second-rate teams are not supposed to be able to stop the mighty Zebes.
The refereeing was bad, but I don't remember exactly what he did wrong.
Gigi gave the ref a little talking-to after the match. For some reason, I think the reffing was bad all over that weekend, but I've blocked it all out now.
By the way, how cold is it in northern Italy?
it's so cold in northern Italy that Keyser Giorgio, Giorgio of the Jungle, our sweet Gio, is training in tights like a pussy.
Milos is still here, in case you were wondering.
El Pelado is hanging with the cool kids, of which he is certainly one. Meanwhile, Vidal has started brooding about how he thought he was the cute brown one. To which I say, Aw honey, you're very cute. And here's the part I don't say: But Martin is smokin' hot. Mamma Mia!
(Oh dear. I'm watching a replay of Inter-Novara and Caracciolo has just scored. Martha must be spitting nails. *pats her*)
So that's it for the other zebra-stripey squads. Perhaps now we can get back to kit selections that makes sense.
Old Lady Post: Coppa coppa Cáceres
Originally posted on February 4, 2012
Of course he would. Conte plays to win every effing match. It's the only way to maintain the proper grinta.
Before we dive in, let's consider this photo:
If it's January 2010, I think we all look at the smirk and the wink and think eeewwwwww. But this is 2012, and we all love him now, and his creepy facial expressions are no longer all that upsetting. Go figure.
JUVENTUS 3:0 ROMA
Come with me if you will to January 24, to the Coppa match against scary A.S. Roma. The Giallorossi had just come off a 5-1 pounding of lowly Cesena whereas the Zebes were worried that their non-losing streak might come to an end. Some of us hoped that we might see some lost boys in the line-up, given that it was a Coppa match. However, Bunny favorites Vincenzo and the Green-Eyed Gorilla of Love were nowhere to be seen in any of the photos of the January training sessions, so it looked unlikely that either would appear. Would Conte play to win?
Of course he would. Conte plays to win every effing match. It's the only way to maintain the proper grinta.
Before we dive in, let's consider this photo:
If it's January 2010, I think we all look at the smirk and the wink and think eeewwwwww. But this is 2012, and we all love him now, and his creepy facial expressions are no longer all that upsetting. Go figure.
Old Lady Post: Sardines, La Dea, e la Neve
Originally posted on February 3, 2012
So this week, Dirtbunny went on a full-blown football blackout to avoid finding out the results of the Parma match before I could see it for myself, only to discover after three days that the match was snowed out. I deprived myself of footie for nothing. I deprived myself of last-minute mercato drama for nothing. Poop.
So now I'm grumpy, and grumpy is the only way to look back at the crap-fest that was the Cagliari match last month.
But first, Mirko "trains" in the snow. Looks like he learned his training methods from Seb Frey.
So this week, Dirtbunny went on a full-blown football blackout to avoid finding out the results of the Parma match before I could see it for myself, only to discover after three days that the match was snowed out. I deprived myself of footie for nothing. I deprived myself of last-minute mercato drama for nothing. Poop.
So now I'm grumpy, and grumpy is the only way to look back at the crap-fest that was the Cagliari match last month.
But first, Mirko "trains" in the snow. Looks like he learned his training methods from Seb Frey.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Eat, Beagle, Eat!
Breakfast:
- Bread chunks soaked in milk? No
- Dog food? Hell no.
2pm when Bunny Gets Home:
- Bread chunks soaked in milk? Yes, please.
- Banana? Um, okaaay, I guess.
- Tuna salad that fell out of Bunny's sandwich? Yes, oh God yes!
- Teeny chunk of cheese? Meh.
Suppertime:
- Dog food in the dog dish? No way.
- Cucumber chunks from the salad Bunny is making? Yum.
- Dog food from Mr. D's hand? Mmmmmmaybe, but only a little.
- Bell pepper chunks from the salad Bunny is making? Chew chew, spit it out.
- Lettuce from the salad Bunny is making? Lettuce! AWESOME! Chew chew. Wait. I hate lettuce. Why do you keep giving me lettuce? Spit it out.
- Broccoli bits off Bunny's plate? Yum.
- Bits of ham off Bunny's plate? Yum.
- Cooked carrots from the special supper plate of people food Bunny made just for beagles? Yay! Yum.
- Bits of ham from the special supper plate of people food Bunny made just for beagles? Ecstasy!
- Cooked carrots from the special supper plate of people food Bunny made just for beagles offered after the beagle realizes that there is ham? Ptooey. Where's the ham?
- Broccoli bits from the special supper plate of people food Bunny made just for beagles offered after the beagle realizes that there is ham? Sniff, sniff. That is NOT ham. *rejects*
- Bits of ham from the special supper plate of people food Bunny made just for beagles? *Snoopy dance*
- Cold boiled potato from the special supper plate of people food Bunny made just for beagles offered after the beagle realizes that there is ham? BRING ME THE HAM, WOMAN!
- Cucumber chunks offered after the ham is gone? bleck
- Cold boiled potato mixed with a little milk and the scrapings of ham bits from the serving platter? Yes, but I'm leaving behind the bits of potato that are still solid.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Old Lady Post: Lost Boys in the Middle East
Originally posted on January 12, 2012
Um, yeah. So it turns out that there is such a thing a a post that's too large. I was surprised to discover this given some of the monstrously oversized Inter posts we have seen in past days, but there it is. That means the end of the last post now gets to be its own post.
OK, then, let's get in the way-back machine and head back to December. Let's join the boys in training, shall we?
I was going to say that maybe I can back off Defcom Golf because I could look at Pepe without wanting to punch him, but now I see that he's twiddling his facial hair like a cartoon villain. Safety first. We remain at Defcom Golf.
OK, then, let's get in the way-back machine and head back to December. Let's join the boys in training, shall we?
I was going to say that maybe I can back off Defcom Golf because I could look at Pepe without wanting to punch him, but now I see that he's twiddling his facial hair like a cartoon villain. Safety first. We remain at Defcom Golf.
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