The Daily Decrepit

Surprise!

That bit of rotted-out wood under the roofline?  That's not trim.  That's structural!

Option A:  Rip off the 3-year-old roof, replace the beam, rebuild the roof, and then paint.

Option B:  Treat it as best you can, cover it carefully with a piece of composite trim, caulk it half to death, and then paint.

Option C:  Give up, sell the house, and live in a box in the woods down by the elementary school.

Marco Mercoledi

No, this is not a Champions League week.  That's next week.  This is an International Break week, with WCQs for some and friendlies for everyone else.  Italy played the Oranje on Saturday in a game that was not nearly as interesting as it should have been.  They play Sweden later today, which should be interesting because ....  never mind.  He's DeadToMe so what do I care?

One cool thing about friendlies is that there is nothing at stake so Il Mister will sometimes use the matches as opportunities to try out experimental lineups, which means that he calls up people he might not ordinarily call up.  Like Marco.  see what I did there?  I got to the point.  One would like to believe that Marco is getting a genuine opportunity to prove himself to Il Mister so he can get a call up to the big show next summer.  Il Mister, however, is a rigid idiot who already knows who he is going to call up and nothing that happens in the meantime is going to change his mind even if it should no matter how hard Gigi tries to talk sense into him behind the scenes.

Ahem.  Marco.

Here he is fixin to take a strike on goal against Liverpool FC in Champions League earlier this year.  He plays for the Viola.  Viola and The Reds are in Group E along with Hungarian underdogs Debrecen and the French national diving team Olympique Lyon.  There are two games left, with three points available per game, the top two teams in the group advance to the knockout stage, and the table looks like this:

Froggies:  10 pts
Viola:       9 pts
Reds:        4 pts
Debrecen:  0 pts (sad but true)

The Man likes a lot of football teams, but his absolute favorite is The Reds.  Bunny likes The Reds more than any other stupid English Premiere League team, but she likes Viola more.  She likes Marco and she likes JuanManuelVargas and she likes Seb Frey and she likes Comotto and Gamberini and Dainelli and she kind of likes Alberto Gilardino and his perma-gloom and  she finds all the drama of Adi Mutu very entertaining.

So there's that.  Also, it is nearing time for UEFA to re-run its coefficients to determine how many Champions League slots are allotted to each league and the conventional wisdom is that Italy will lose one of its four slots to the Bundesliga (!!!!!) if the Italian teams underperform in Champions League this year.  I have no idea how UEFA's coefficient system works, but I do know that UEFA's coefficient system seeded AC Milan higher that Inter Milan this year, and Bayern Munich higher than Wolfsburg, and Sevilla higher than Real Madrid.  Clearly, UEFA's coefficient system is fucked and cannot be trusted.  Ergo, Italian teams must do well in Champions League this year.  And that's another reason for Dirtbunny to prefer Viola over The Reds.

Have you done your math yet?  For The Reds to advance, they must win both of their remaining matches AND Viola must lose both of their remaining matches. 

Let's pause while you consider the implications of that, and I'll learn you on the remaining Group E schedule:

Nov. 24:  Debrecen v Liverpool; Viola v the frogs

Dec. 9:    Liverpool v Viola; the frogs v Debrecen


On November 24, Dirtbunny will be rooting for The Reds and Viola.  The Man will be rooting for The Reds and the frogs.  The Frogs.  The Frogs to beat Viola at Viola.

On December 9, Dirtbunny will be rooting for Viola and the Hungarian Underdogs.  The Man will be rooting for The Reds and the Hungarian Underdogs.

My cyberfriends are shocked and horrified that The Man and I actually watch matches together when we have comepting rooting interests, and we do pretty well once he acknowledges the obvious superiority of my preferences, but we have never faced a situation like this before.  I dunno.  We certainly agree that Lisandro is evil (even though he is an Argie and we generally like Argies), but how can I live with someone who wants Lisandro and his ilk to beat my Viola?

Hellhole Roll Call

DB:  Let’s begin. Okay then. Dennis?


Dennis: Yo.

DB: Do you have the keys to my shed? We couldn’t get in there this weekend.

Dennis: Yeah. Sorry bout that.

DB: Gilberto?

Gilberto: Yes, ma’am.

DB: Happy Birthday.

Gilberto: Thank you.

Kirby:  I’m here. *trembles*

DB: I know sweetie.

Anxiety: BOO!

DB: Wait your turn. Carlos?

Carlos: Yes.

Kirby:  I’m here. *trembles*

DB: Jose?

Jose: Si.

Kirby:  I’m here. *trembles*

DB: Yes, Kirby. Mike?

Carlos: He’s coming later.

DB: OK.

Anxiety: Yayayayayayaya! *cackles*

DB: I said wait your turn.

Gilberto: Excuse me. May I show you something in the garage please?

DB: *sighs* Yes. I’ll be right there.


~pauses to examine garage~


DB: Okay. That was fun.

Kirby:  I’m here. *trembles*

Anxiety: NINETY NINE BOTTLE OF BEER ON THE WALL, NINETY-NINE BOTTLES OF BEEEEEEEERRRRRR...

DB: *ignores* Uncle Sam?

Uncle Sam: I’m here. You know it. I know it. The American people know it.

Kirby:  I’m here. *trembles*

DB: *pats Kirby*

Anxiety: TAKE ONE DOWN AND PASS IT AROUND, NINETY-NINE BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL....

DB: Tiki?

Tiki: zzzzz, huh? food? wha? no? zzzzzzzz

Kirby:    I’m here. *trembles*

Anethea the dog walker: TEEEEEEEKEEEEEEEE! KIRRRRBEEEEEEE! WHERE’S MY BOYEEEEES?

Kirby: ONOZ! *hides*

Tiki: zzzzzzz wha? gimme a belly rub *rolls over*

Anxiety: YOU SUUUUUUUUUUCK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOSER!

DB: Shut up and wait your turn. Garage door guy 1?

Garage Door guy 1: yeah

DB: Garage Door guy 2?

Garage Door guy 2: yeah. Hey. Can you get them to move the truck?

DB: Yes. Just a minute. *large crash from the attic*

Anxiety: I WON’T SHUT UP! juuuuust SIT RIGHT BACK AND YOU’LL HEAR A TALE. A TALE OF A FATEFUL TRIP. THAT STARTED FROM THIS TROPIC PORT ABOARD THIS TINY SHIP

DB: Garage Door guy 3?

Garage Door guy 2: He’s outside.

DB: Very well. Major Depression, Chronic, Recurrent?

Major Depression, Chronic, Recurrent: *rolls over and pulls covers over her head*

DB: That’s constructive.

Anxiety: THE MATE WAS A MIGHTY SAILING MAN, THE SKIPPER BRAVE AND SURE. FIVE PASSENGERS SET SAIL THAT DAY FOR A THREE HOUR TOUR.

DB: Window man?

Anethea the dog walker:  SEE YA TOMORROW!!!!

Kirby: Save me Bunny *trembles*

Anxiety: A THREE HOUR TOUR!

Major Depression, Chronic, Recurrent:   Fuck you all!

DB: Window man? *power tool revs up in garage*

Window Man: um yeah. Where’s the window?

DB: *shows him*

Anxiety: THE WEATHER STARTED GETTING ROUGH, THE TINY SHIP WAS TOSSED.  IF NOT FOR THE COURAGE OF THE FEARLESS CREW THE MINNOW WOULD BE LOST.

Carlos: May I use your bathroom?

DB: Of course. *shows him*

Anxiety: THE MINNOW WOULD BE LOST! *LIGHTNING CRASHES*

*telephone rings*

The Man:   Hey Bunny, How’s it going?

Anxiety: THE SHIP SET DOWN ON THE SHORE OF THIS UNCHARTED DESERT ISLE

DB: Can I call you back?

Gilberto: Excuse me. May I show you something up on the roof?

The Man: I guess. *grumps* Bye. *hangs up*

Anxiety: WITH GIIIIIILIGAAAAANNNNNNNNN

DB: *goes with Gilberto*

~pause to examine the roof~

DB:  *returns*

Kirby:  Where were you?  It was terrible! *trembles*

Major Depression, Chronic, Recurrent: I told you so

Carlos’s Boss: *comes in and starts poking around*

Uncle Sam:  Ahem.  I am paying you to write memos, aren't I?

DB:  Yes sir right away sir.  *writes a memo*

Anxiety: THE SKIPPER TOOOOOOOOO

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

Window guy: Can I get you to sign something?

Major Depression, Chronic, Recurrent: dumbass. what were you thinking? living in a hellhole is all you deserve 

DB: Gio?

Imaginary Gio: Yes, love. What do you need?

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

DB: Alessa?

Anxiety: THE MILLIONAIRRRRRRE

DB:  ALESSA?!

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

ADP: You’re OK. Take a deep breath.

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

Anxiety: AND HIS WIFE

DB: *whimpers*

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

Imaginary Gio: I’ve got this. You go talk to Alessa. I can handle these guys.

DB: *pats Kirby*

Anxiety: THE MOOOOOOOVIE STAHR!

Gilberto: Excuse me. May I show you something outside?

Imaginary Gio: Yeah, Gilberto. Why don’t you talk to me about this? *goes off with Gilberto*

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

DB: *whimpers*

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

Kirby: I’m here. *trembles*

Anxiety: THE PERFESSER AAAAAND MARYAAAAANNNNNNNNN

ADP: *puts arm around DB* I’ve got you.

Anxiety: HEEEEEEERE ON GIIILIGAN’S IIIIIIILSE!

ADP: Let’s pretend it's raining. I’ll close all the blinds so it’s dark, put on the thunderstorm CD really loud, and light some candles. You just relax and take a deep breath.  Kirby, you go sit over there on your dog bed and hush, OK?




DB: *sits over there and takes a deep breath*



ADP: Have a Prosecco, Bunny. *loud crash from the attic*

DB: *whimpers*

ADP: Don’t worry about that. Let Gio handle it.  *puts arms around Dirtbunny and rocks her*



DB: *takes a deep breath*

ADP: Good girl. You can do it.





DB: Oh Alessa, you’re so good to me.

ADP: Only the best for my Dirtbunny.

Luca Lunedi

Here he is in happier days, training with the smurfs, who may or may not have won their friendly against the Oranje on Saturday (I'll find out soon enough)

Clockwise:  Loooca, Marco Amelia, DDR (with hair!), Alberto Gilardino, Fabi, Vincenzo Iaquinta That Dumbass* (with too much hair), Angelo Palombo, and Daniela Bonera.

The Daily Decrepit

I love rain, but every silver lining has a cloud.

The Daily Decrepit

There are so many layers of decrepit here, I don't know where to begin, so I'll let you do the counting.  By the way, the metal grill there belongs to a package heating and cooling unit that is itself a noisy/stinky/inefficient/energy-wasting piece of crap.  Plus ugly, on the inside AND the outside.

Don't worry.  Even though he was not allowed outside during the photo shoot, Kirby kept close tabs on me.  Yarn Bandit is over there on the blue cushion, taking care of number one and not giving a damn about me.

The Daily Decrepit

Guess how much it is going to cost to replace this tiny little rotted-out window in the attic?

If you want to see my latest rant and don't usually bother with the stupid knitting stuff, click here.

The Daily Decrepit

You could probably kick the garage door down if you wanted, at least you could if you have legs.  If you don't have legs, you'll have to use a flyswatter.

That's OK though, because this is what's in the garage.

Except the tools, which went home with Edwin.  So where, you might ask, is all the stuff one customarily finds in Dirtbunny's garage?

It's in the house.  I try not to think about it.

The Daily Decrepit

Do we have bugs?

Yes.  Yes, we do.

Dirtbunny Loves Edwin

Edwin is Dirtbunny's electrician.  He fixes bad stuff and makes it work.  He is a highly-trained, licensed professional, just like Dirtbunny.  When the wiring that powered, among other things, the television (OHNOZ!) blew a few years ago, it was Edwin who pointed out that we could run (get this) an extension cord from a good outlet to power the toob until the bad wiring could be replaced.  Dirtbunny is living proof that no mere layperson could figure that out; it takes a qualified electrician.  Not only did he give that advice, he did not follow it with "you idiot," "dumbass," "morons," or anything of the like.  He has kept this nightmare of a DIY-built shack from bursting into flames.  I love him, and you can't have him.

The Daily Decrepit

If you come for a visit, please don't use the front stairs.  We don't want to get sued.  Thankyouverymuch.

The Daily Decrepit

A.  No gutters, OR

B:  This gutter:

You decide.