FCD prepares for WC10

Clarabelle will not permit me to give up, so I'm going to try to do this properly.  It's time to take stock before preliminary squad lists are due.  Where is FCB the weakest?  It would have to be the midfield.  Who've I got?  Rino (old), Cesckipoo (broken), Camoranesi (old and broken),  Deco (skeevy), Franck (perverted and possibly in disgrace), and Pirlo (only brings his A-game if he's feeling it that day).  That's not enough even when they all work properly.  This is bad.  V. bad.

BRB *dashes off to make a call*


Whew.  That's accomplished.

Welcome Daniele De Rossi, centrocampista for Roma and gli Azzurri.  He is possibly the best Italian mid in the game right now, and we certainly could use some quality in the center.  DDR, for the uninitiated, is known for four things.



One:  Dude got game.

He has power, he has distance, he has long-range accuracy, he can hold possession, he can defend, and he haz dead ball skillz. 




Two:  Dude plays rough.


If your only access to football is through the American sports media, then you may have heard about a little incident in which Jeffery Dahmer  DDR elbowed Brian McBride in the face during a match at WC2006.  FIFA sanctioned our boy John Wayne Gacy DDR with a red card, a four-match ban, and a fine.  Danielino apologized, and BMcB declared him "classy."  Is that the end of it?  No.  As far as the American media is concerned, Ed Gein DDR's crimes are at least as awful as flag-burning or expressing criticism of United States Foreign Policy from 2000-2008, although perhaps short of terrorism.  And by that  I mean actual terrorism.  What Ted Bundy DDR did is as awful as aiding and abetting terrorism.  And no member of the USMNT has ever received a red card in international play, because they are all Dudley Do-Rights, unlike the whining homosexual Italian cheaters.

If I felt like it, I could probably dig up a photo of the BMcB incident, but I don't, so I give you this Confederations Cup incident from 2009.  You might want to light your torches and sharpen your pitchforks.

See?  He's kicking Jay DeMerit in the face.  Almost as good.


Anyway, it's not like he doesn't get his share of cards.

This one seems undeserved.  You can tell by DDR's smile of disbelief and by the expression on Panooch's face.  (Panooch, by the way, transferred to Parma over the summer and has now retired from Serie A.  But not from FCD.  FCD is a lifetime gig.) 

This one seemed legitimate at the time, but given what we have learned about this ref since, it might not have been.  I know, he hasn't pulled it out yet, but his hand's in his pocket.  A card is coming.


Three:  Dude puts on a show.


Perhaps you know that it is traditional for players to exchange jerseys after a match.  This means that it is fairly common for football players to walk around shirtless after the game.  There are also occasional outbursts of pantslessness.  Sometimes, there's a need to change kits on the touchline during the game.  Sometimes, a player will celebrate a goal by taking off his shorts.  Taking off the shirt is a cardable offense, so a cheeky few have tested the rule to see what happens if they take off their pants.  Umm, it gets a card.  Duh.  But these are rare events.  Only two players are known for regularly stripping down to their underpants and parading around in front of the fans.  And yes, they are both Italian.  One is Antonio Cassano.  Now ole Cheetos in his underpants is no big thing.  However, DDR is the other one, and Danielino is ......  unusually um ..... gifted.  Whether this is a show you want to see or not, it starts right after the final whistle.  I'll let those who are interested go off and find their own photographs.




Four:  Dude brings the manlove.

Fabi, Rino Morgan, and Quags.  The silver-haired coach is Idiot Il Mister.  We hates him.

This goal brought such joy!  I think Rino wants to have DDR's baby, and even Morgan has rousted himself. 

Who?

Morgan De Sanctis is Italy's number two. It's not like he's getting off the bench any other way.

What?

Well, Gigi is Italy's number one, and that means Morgan is not going to start unless Gigi is dead.   Nor is he getting any playing time if Idiot Il Mister decides to try one of his experimental line-ups.  Morgan is a grown-up fully developed highly competent adult goalkeeper, not a baby.  If Gigi gets subbed out during garbage time, Idiot Il Mister will put in one of the baby keepers who needs some international experience and some confidence-building.  I doesn't sound like much of a job, maybe, but Morgan is a world champion just like Gigi, even if he rarely plays.  I don't think I've ever even seen him out of his warm-ups when he's Azzurri.


Look out.  Action sequence!

clockwise: Quags, DDR,  Sleepy (smiling!), Capi, Andrea Barzagli, and Alessandro Gamberini

DDR tends to run around the pitch after he scores until he finds his Special Friend. 

left to right:  ADP's elbow, Quags (eve from the side his smile is creepy), Sleepy (still smiling!) DDR, Morgan, Capi, and Drea, right hand. 

DDR's current Special Friend is his trainer.  See if you can guess who his Special Friend was during the Euros.

ADP (with bad Euros haircut), Quags, Sleepy (still!), DDR, Capi, Morgan, Gambit, and Drea

 Is it getting creepy for you yet?

ADP, Quags, Marco Borriello, Gambit and DDR locked in a tender embrace,  Capi, and Sleepy (still!)

That's right.  DDR's Special Friend of the Euros was Gambit.  Good guess.  BTW, umm, Alessa?  Why are you clutching at Marco's jacket.  If you want to see the rest of his tattoo, you can just check him out in the showers later.  You don't have to rip his clothes off him right there on the pitch, mkay?  (If you do see the whole tattoo, please report back.  Me n the girlz want to know what it is.  And don't get too close to him in the shower.  I don't want to have to hose you down with antiseptic when you come home.)

Sleepy (again with the happy!), JoeBeppe, Nicki Leggs, DDR (please note humping action), some tall guy with straight hair (that disqualifies Fabi) behind Gio is it possibly Vincenzo Iaquinta, That Wanker*?,  Gio, Gian, Gila (that is his happy face), and Monty (who is not nearly as broad of chest and shoulder as the camera angle implies)

Danielino loves the love.  Yes indeed.

Gambit, DDR, and Marco Materazzi

And he's not overly particular either.  *rimshot*  (Sorry Marco.  Just kidding.)





But he has one important requirement.  He wants to be on top.

Hey there Loooca.

Some guys Deki Stankovic want to be on the bottom of the manpile, but DDR wants to be on top.

You betcha!  And here's the same manpile from a different angle:

Hee!  Can you see Gigi's tanned hairy arms?  Most of the rest of them are more fastidious about removing their body hair.  Don't ask me why.  I'm a GenX American woman.  Our straight men keep their body hair.

this post powered by Caffeine Free Diet Coke, a greasy turkey reuben, and a heapin helpin o' flattery from my work buddies.  it's nice to be treated like a smart person again.