You tell me. The game is about to start and you discover that Gigi, Gio, and ADP are all hurt. Then you see the Line-Up of Low Expectations and discover, to your horror and disbelief, that Not Ciro is starting the two worst fullbacks in Serie A at the same time. You consider their shitty current form and then you see Mirko hit a screamer that Marcostorari saves (just barely) and then you see Mirko take a selfish, crappy shot when Matri was wide open. As the first half continues, Roma's attack looks more and more dangerous, Marcostorari is forced to make miracle saves that no one should ever have to make, and Krasic continues to act like a selfish twat. Did you actually think the match could possibly turn out the way it did? I sure as hell didn't. In fact, I kept a sickening sensation of impending doom in my stomach until the final whistle blew.
Shall we start at the very beginning?
Everyone knows, even Not Ciro, that Roma's coach is way hotter than our coach.
Matri has a banner now. I think we've seen Melos banner before, but it's a nice one and worth looking at again.
Gigi was apparently running a fever. Or he wasn't running a fever and he and his peeps were working on a big transfer to
He was extraordinary. Simply extraordinary.
Can you even imagine the season without him?
An absolute fucking beast all night. We are so lucky to have him
Roma started out hot, so Marcostorari had to start out hot too. But not so much the rest of the team. There are no photos of Marcolino, but my notes say that he took a selfish and pathetically wimpy shot when he should have passed to Milos, and he had an especially bad haircut.
Speaking of Milos, he scored the first goal and he got the most attention, so let's get him over with.
Wow. What an overbite.
He was NOT back to himself by any means, but he worked hard going forward
Ew. Menez's junk.
The hairz were there.
LOL Grosso in the background trying to catch flies.
He's still pretty easy to defend. He's either going to run it up out on the wings and get trapped in the corner, or he's going to cut to the middle and get stopped at the top of the box. At least when he's having one his selfish days, that's what you can expect.
Today started out like that, but then something happened that no one expected: Fabio Grosso Did Not Suck. In the 60th, he ran up the line, faked out DDR in the corner and made some space and some room for himself, and crossed it beautifully to Milos....
...who was wide open and whop took the ball on the volley and shot it hard BOOM right into the net.
You know perfectly well what happened next.
Poor Fra, pretending he doesn't know what just happened.
Hold the phone! His mouth isn't smiling, but I think maybe his eyes are.
Does he want us to say his name? Well, he has no affectionate nickname, so let's just call out "Milos Krasic."
That's it. Possible smile is finished.
Oh crap. I thought we were past this.
Ha! Even those infamous whores Pepe and Claudio want no part of this.
That's enough. There are a lot more of these, but you get the idea and I think I've given it more attention than it deserves.
One more of these out of order.....
...and now let's look at the no-thumb group hugs. Hee! Claudio and Pepe sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
It was a nice goal and all, but the euphoria didn't last long. By minute 63, I was waiting for the inevitable collapse.
Geez Claudio. This is what happens when you are careless with a delicate man. It's just another
I'm not sure if this photo goes with Milos's goal but why not put it here. Eep! Grosso looks like a zombie dipped in cheap American chocolate.
My boy Leo had a good day.
He mostly kept Mirko from getting a good shot. He also saved a goal when Marcostorari saved Totti's shot but couldn't get it cleared. When one of i lupi (I think Mirko) tried to knock in the rebound, Leo was there to make a goal-line clearance. Whew.
Sorry Mirko. This was one of those days when it was better for me if you failed.
Barza did OK too, even though he looks terrified of Fra's shot.
Melo had a spectacular match. He played super deep and really backed up the Leo-Barza partnership that hasn't been working so well.
*peeks through fingers* Oh good. Menez's junk is gone.
Albertino. Oh Albertino.
You didn't suck, exactly, but you weren't very good either.
So they booed you. Weren't you expecting that? Where's your mental toughness?
Well, the good news for Marie is he didn't score against Roma.
That Mirko is some kind of sexy.
And now for Pepe Papillon. BRB *looks it up* hm. Farfalla. I knew that. "Papillon" has better alliteration.
At minute 68, I wrote "Pepe seems to think the object of the game is to kick the ball to Doni."
I imagine he was just as frustrated about that as I was. He also got robbed a few times when he got open in the box and his teammates decided not to pass.
You're better with hair, sweetheart. Now let's look into laser tattoo removal.
Captain Claudio is looking a little less sickly.
Riiiiiight. Never mind.
Fabio Grosso. What the fuck are you doing here?
The tan was ridonkulous. I suspect he got it while conducting business in Hell with Satan. He had to have made some sort of deal. How else do you explain his performance? He played like the fullback I thought Juve was buying when he came over from OLyon.
Matri had a hard time getting into the match.
Not so much, kiddo.
Yeah, nice pass. He's sorry he blew it.
At minute 72, I wrote "Eli's coming."
At minute 73, my pessimism was validated when Menez hit the crossbar and Vucinic powered in the rebound. Marcostorari was forced to make a brilliant save. And then something happened that I did not expect.
Matri came up the field on a beautiful wide-open counter-attack and nutmegged Doni for the second goal.
\o/
Mr. D and I simultaneously said "Where did THAT come from?" so I rewound the DVR and watched the play again.
It was Grosso on the outlet pass. Grosso. Fabio Grosso.
I know I joke around about being a lush but I was stone cold sober this time. It was Fabio Grosso.
Props to Grosso. But let's not forget that Matri hit the goal. We have all seen plenty of times when a Zebe striker has completely fucked up a beautiful chance like that. Matri didn't. He finished.
Look how needy and clingy Pepe is. He's like the Dirtbunny Italiano. No wonder I find him so hard to like.
That Other Ale sure can smile!
Can you imagine a Juventus with both Matri and Quags?
At minute 81, I wrote "Stop doing the math" to remind myself to let go of calculating all the ways in which it could still go horribly wrong, and just watch the match. So I did, but Roma kept coming.
At minute 84, Leo made a crucial block. At minute 86, DDR had an excellent chance, but he shanked it and was called offside.
I could hardly believe it when the whistle finally blew. I wrote "HOLY CRAP!"
Melo thanked his peeps.
Marcostorari thanked his Favorite Brazilian, without whom lord only knows what disaster might have happened.
Agnelli tried to play it cool but he had "Holy Shit" written all over his hairy face.
God's Favorite Brazilian made no attempt to play it cool.
Claudio and DDR traded jerseys. Poor Danielino. *pats him* Then I saw Leo walk by and I wrote "Leo whai is your shirt still on?"
All the boys went over to the curva to thank the tifosi. Awww, Leo.
There is something extraordinary going on over on Other Ale's right, but I'm not going to jinx it by saying what it is.
After the big jump, they all went to the wall and threw their jerseys into the crowd.
EVERY DAMN ONE OF THEM WAS WEARING UNDERLAYERS. BOOOOOO!
Next match is home against Genoa. We get the Sunday
1 comment:
damn good win! I want my Quaglia on 24 may match against M.U (Gary Nevile's retirement and he chose us to play against)...
it's still a little chance to qualify in champ league, so we need those three points with Genoa, Forza Juve!!!
p.s I want Pepe next season in Juve...
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