Mr. August doesn't quite get the concept of beach volleyball.
I don't care what the calendar says. That is a volleyball net--ergo--beach volleyball.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Q & A
Q: What's so bad about fouling the duckling?
A: I don't know. He looks like he's asking for it, doesn't he?
[another carefully airbrushed--to remove the acne--post-eyebrow plucking cheesy "fashion" photo. He's just a baby for crying out loud! He's too young to be allowed to make decisions-like the one to pose for this--that he might regret later.]
Q: Are there any more photos of that tender moment capitano a capitano?
A: Yes, there are.
Q: Did the old guy really score in the Euros? You're making that up.
A: No I'm not.
The footstool is not supposed to be on the kitchen counter. Therefore, it is scary to Kirbys, and they won't go in the kitchen. Except for cookies. And then they only go in the kitchen the other way around.
A: I don't know. He looks like he's asking for it, doesn't he?
[another carefully airbrushed--to remove the acne--post-eyebrow plucking cheesy "fashion" photo. He's just a baby for crying out loud! He's too young to be allowed to make decisions-like the one to pose for this--that he might regret later.]Q: Are there any more photos of that tender moment capitano a capitano?
A: Yes, there are.
[Paolo isn't all that tall]
Q: Did the old guy really score in the Euros? You're making that up.
A: No I'm not.
[against the Romanians. That's ADP there behind the goalie.]
Q: Why won't Kirby go into the kitchen?
A: Well, the living room has been smelling pretty foul on account of an old undiscovered accident (courtesy of Yarn Bandit) that has dried. The Man and I have been waiting each other out on this one.
Dirtbunny: I think that Tiki peed somewhere, but I'm not brave enough to put my nose down there to find it.
The Man: Neither am I.
Dirtbunny: [looks at The Man and thinks "you do it"]
The Man: [looks at Dirtbunny and thinks "you do it"]
This morning, I sacked up, as they say, and put my nose down and I found it. And I am cleaning it up. Like this:
The footstool is not supposed to be on the kitchen counter. Therefore, it is scary to Kirbys, and they won't go in the kitchen. Except for cookies. And then they only go in the kitchen the other way around.
Together again
It's official. Capi is returning to Juventus. This is good. I haven't been a tifosa long enough to be angry at him for leaving in the first place. The last time he was in Bianconeri, they won the scudetto:
Good times. (I wonder if those are Camoranesi's chin pubes over there on the right. Mystery Man is too short to be the Big Swede.)
Capi and ADP have been able to see each other a little this year, such as when Juve and the Galacticos met at the group stage in Champions League:
[pats Capi on the head]
[hands-y even during the game]
[hugs]
[smiles. Hi there Gabi Heinze!]
[remember when breathe-right strips were all the rage?]
[how old was Dirtbunny when this one was taken? 93? 94?]
[so much joy]
2006, when Capi left Juve, was also the year Capi won the Ballon d'Or. Dirtbunny has no illusions that Capi 2009 is the same as Capi 2006. Or that ADP 2009 is the same as ADP 2006 either. (It must be said, however, that, despite the march of time, Dirtbunny 2009 is better than Dirtbunny 2006.) Juve have lacked team cohesion all year, and Gigi has been threatening to quit since about February. Capi brings the team cohesion and the leadership in the back that the Bianconeri have been missing, and he makes Gigi happy. Also, maybe he can teach Gio and that new kid Ariaudo some tricks. If he can handle that psycho Pepe, he can civilize the Juve back line.
Good times. (I wonder if those are Camoranesi's chin pubes over there on the right. Mystery Man is too short to be the Big Swede.)
Capi and ADP have been able to see each other a little this year, such as when Juve and the Galacticos met at the group stage in Champions League:
[pats Capi on the head]
[hands-y even during the game][hugs]
[smiles. Hi there Gabi Heinze!]
This kind of thing goes way back, because both ADP and Capi are old enough to remember the 80s, if not old enough to be active participants therein.
[remember when breathe-right strips were all the rage?]
[how old was Dirtbunny when this one was taken? 93? 94?]Of course, the ultimate was when they were Azzurri teammates and won the World Cup in 2006:
[so much joy]
2006, when Capi left Juve, was also the year Capi won the Ballon d'Or. Dirtbunny has no illusions that Capi 2009 is the same as Capi 2006. Or that ADP 2009 is the same as ADP 2006 either. (It must be said, however, that, despite the march of time, Dirtbunny 2009 is better than Dirtbunny 2006.) Juve have lacked team cohesion all year, and Gigi has been threatening to quit since about February. Capi brings the team cohesion and the leadership in the back that the Bianconeri have been missing, and he makes Gigi happy. Also, maybe he can teach Gio and that new kid Ariaudo some tricks. If he can handle that psycho Pepe, he can civilize the Juve back line.
p.s. the shaved head thing is not a good look for you, ADP. Do it again, and I'm getting a tennis-ball haircut.
No Sunshine Today
But that's not always true. Mr. May found plenty of sunshine, and here he urges you to take in the waters and umbrella drinks of his native Emilia-Romagna, so you can Quell der Gesundheit.
That looks like an ordinary hot tub to me, and he's awfully close to some wenches for someone who is trying to stay germ-free. And he usually shaves his chest (if not his face) before a photo-shoot. (Things are different over there. Sometimes, ADP shaves his pits.)
(ooooh. Tangent. My letter carrier just went by the window with his boss. Looks like my letter carrier is having his route counted or audited or whatever. I don't know whether this is a coincidence or not, but he is not wearing his union t-shirt today in front of the boss, and the mail is a lot earlier than usual. Just sayin.)
We have, in the past, also had sunshine that was quite enjoyable.
He is too enjoying the sunshine, albeit from the safety of underneath Dirtbunny's chair. Isn't he handsome?
That looks like an ordinary hot tub to me, and he's awfully close to some wenches for someone who is trying to stay germ-free. And he usually shaves his chest (if not his face) before a photo-shoot. (Things are different over there. Sometimes, ADP shaves his pits.)
(ooooh. Tangent. My letter carrier just went by the window with his boss. Looks like my letter carrier is having his route counted or audited or whatever. I don't know whether this is a coincidence or not, but he is not wearing his union t-shirt today in front of the boss, and the mail is a lot earlier than usual. Just sayin.)
We have, in the past, also had sunshine that was quite enjoyable.
He is too enjoying the sunshine, albeit from the safety of underneath Dirtbunny's chair. Isn't he handsome?
Yarn Bandit also likes the sun.
Geez Bunny. No segue or transition or anything! That's because some of you do not appreciate the results of my effort to build a satisfactory futbol team.
So that guy is Christian Panucci, aka OleMan Panooch, central defender for the Azzurri and Roma. He's even older than ADP, but he scored in the Euros, when neither ADP nor Looooca could. He's a big ole diva, and prone to crankiness (as you can see from the photo I chose), but he knows how to wear a suit without looking ridiculous (which can be tough for jocks to pull off). He scored the game-winner against Catania a few weeks back to keep Roma in the hunt for a berth in the Europa league, despite his advanced age of 36, so he's in. He can sit next to me on the bench and we can grump about those kids today.
Bianconeri and Milan
Yes, from several weeks ago. So what.
Oh hell. I was going to explain why the match was so important and blah blah blah, but we're only here to check in with the Dirtbunnies. So here are some Dirtbunnies:
Gian and Camoranesicamoranesicamoranesi.
Sleepy and ADP. See about the hair and the hotness points? See? SEE?! The hair issue is not mitigated (much) by the other Sleepy issue (which I will leave unmentioned). Hey, who's that other guy in Rossoneri?
That, my dear friends, is Paolo Maldini. He is 40 (context: this is not the NFL, or MLB, or the NBA where 40-year-old players may not be common, but aren't exactly freaks either. Futbol players in Europe peak at about 25, are considered washed up by about 33, and no one makes it to 40. Except in Italy, where they peak at about 32, and are washed up at 35. Except for ADP, who is not going to age. He promised me.) Ahem. Where were we? Paolo is 40. He has played for the Rossoneri for 25 years. He is retiring at the end of the season (i.e., this weekend). He is a legendary player, known for his talent and class and loyalty to one club for his entire career. Oh, and his looks. Paolo doesn't do it for me, but I can see what the fangirls see in him.
So the big match between the Bianconeri and the Rossoneri at one point meant that Gio fouled the duckling. Of course he did. That is his job. This led to something very unusual:
Oh hell. I was going to explain why the match was so important and blah blah blah, but we're only here to check in with the Dirtbunnies. So here are some Dirtbunnies:
Gian and Camoranesicamoranesicamoranesi.
Sleepy and ADP. See about the hair and the hotness points? See? SEE?! The hair issue is not mitigated (much) by the other Sleepy issue (which I will leave unmentioned). Hey, who's that other guy in Rossoneri?
That, my dear friends, is Paolo Maldini. He is 40 (context: this is not the NFL, or MLB, or the NBA where 40-year-old players may not be common, but aren't exactly freaks either. Futbol players in Europe peak at about 25, are considered washed up by about 33, and no one makes it to 40. Except in Italy, where they peak at about 32, and are washed up at 35. Except for ADP, who is not going to age. He promised me.) Ahem. Where were we? Paolo is 40. He has played for the Rossoneri for 25 years. He is retiring at the end of the season (i.e., this weekend). He is a legendary player, known for his talent and class and loyalty to one club for his entire career. Oh, and his looks. Paolo doesn't do it for me, but I can see what the fangirls see in him.
So the big match between the Bianconeri and the Rossoneri at one point meant that Gio fouled the duckling. Of course he did. That is his job. This led to something very unusual:
Paolo decided to let Gio have a piece of his mind. Paolo rarely loses it, and Gio rarely looks like he is going to pee his pants. But here it is, recorded on film for all time.
Fortunately, Gigi stepped in with his Hey-we're-all-friends-here-let's-kiss-and-make-up routine, thus saving Gio's life (goalkeepers and central defenders do have a special relationship after all) and defusing the situation, although it looks here like Paolo is not quite completely cooled off yet.
Everyone loves Paolo. And everyone loves ADP. So naturally, the game ended with this:
Despite all of this, Dirtbunny has decided not to call up Paolo. He deserves the honor, but more than that, he deserves the honor and dignity of a peaceful retirement. Instead of fetching Bunny her drinks, someone should be fetching him his drinks.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Let's get the bad stuff out of the way first
I grew up in a no-dessert-unless-you-finish-your-dinner finish-your-homework-before-you-go-out-to-play sort of household. We have a lot of catching up to do, and it's not all going to be pessimistic and negative, but let's finish the squash before we move on to pie. Here is some stuff that has happened recently:
1. I have pretty much stopped returning phone calls and responding to emails. However, I feel tremendous guilt and shame about this, so that's how you know I'm just chickenshit, not a bona fide sociopath.
2. I sprained my ankle. (It's almost better now.)
3. I lost my cell phone. (The Man found it in the bushes a day later. Did my phone fling itself from me and into the bushes? We don't know for sure.)
5. It's springtime, and this is that time of year that my depression starts to boil. I'm not sure why, but it has been a recurring theme of the last four years. I had been in a few years of relative mental health when things started going south for me in May 2005. Can't point to anything that happened to trigger it either. Spring 2006: Big professional disappointment (not related to the whole promotion fiasco). Spring 2007: Biggest professional disappointment of my entire career (also not related to the promotion thing) and the beginning of the era of Dirtbunny in Disgrace (which is still ongoing, although I care less now.) Spring 2008: Ah, yes, the spring of feeling suicidal, even before Pammie killed herself. Spring 2009: It's back. Why? Can't point to any particular trigger. I may sound all blase about this, and if you ask me how I'm doing, I'll say I'm OK, maybe going through a little down cycle in my mood, but OK. The truth is, it absolutely sucks, and I don't want to go back to the dark feelings of last year and I'm worried that I'm headed right back there. HOWEVER, this time, I have a plan. Writing about how the week is going is not officially part of the plan, so I might not write about it (and then again I might). But it is in place, and I feel good about it, and hopeful that things are going to start getting better. Soooo, fingers crossed for Dirtbunny.
Here is what Loooca looks like when he misses:
1. I have pretty much stopped returning phone calls and responding to emails. However, I feel tremendous guilt and shame about this, so that's how you know I'm just chickenshit, not a bona fide sociopath.
2. I sprained my ankle. (It's almost better now.)
3. I lost my cell phone. (The Man found it in the bushes a day later. Did my phone fling itself from me and into the bushes? We don't know for sure.)
4. Somebody peed on the treadmill. It wasn't me.
5. It's springtime, and this is that time of year that my depression starts to boil. I'm not sure why, but it has been a recurring theme of the last four years. I had been in a few years of relative mental health when things started going south for me in May 2005. Can't point to anything that happened to trigger it either. Spring 2006: Big professional disappointment (not related to the whole promotion fiasco). Spring 2007: Biggest professional disappointment of my entire career (also not related to the promotion thing) and the beginning of the era of Dirtbunny in Disgrace (which is still ongoing, although I care less now.) Spring 2008: Ah, yes, the spring of feeling suicidal, even before Pammie killed herself. Spring 2009: It's back. Why? Can't point to any particular trigger. I may sound all blase about this, and if you ask me how I'm doing, I'll say I'm OK, maybe going through a little down cycle in my mood, but OK. The truth is, it absolutely sucks, and I don't want to go back to the dark feelings of last year and I'm worried that I'm headed right back there. HOWEVER, this time, I have a plan. Writing about how the week is going is not officially part of the plan, so I might not write about it (and then again I might). But it is in place, and I feel good about it, and hopeful that things are going to start getting better. Soooo, fingers crossed for Dirtbunny.
Here is what Loooca looks like when he misses:
He is very dramatic. It has been said that "his protests are magnificent" and that his demeanor on the pitch is "operatic" which, by the way, is what Bossboy says about Dirtbunny.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
You're Never Too Old to Annoy Your Parents on Purpose
[tongue is out. he must be thinking about something] The Old Man doesn't get it about Loooca. The only solution to this problem is to bombard him with Loooca until he submits to the power of Loooca.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Please Stand By
Dirtbunny's wireless network is down. If you think that Bunny has handled this calmly and maturely, then you don't know Dirtbunny. The Man has been deputized to "handle it" while Bunny has taken to her boudoir with a wicked case of the vapors. All online activity must now be conducted
[gulp]
FROM THE BASEMENT!
[gasp]
It is hard to imagine that I can have any fun in the basement, so I don't know when I'll return to regular posting. That depends on The Man's "handle it" proficiency. (He seems to be trying hard, so my expectations are high. We''ll see.) In the meantime:
Kirby status: His cancer booboo got all scabby and flaky without ever really going through a crusty open sore stage, and now the top layer of scab-plus-hair is peeling off in flakes to reveal nice-looking pink skin. Flakes of scab-plus-hair all over the place are/is pretty goddamned gross, I must say. Kirby assists in the shedding process by doing a modified butt-scootch in which he drags his leg instead of his butt. It's a pretty effective exfoliant. He's no dummy. He is ready to stop wearing the e-collar, sez Kirby anyway, and he is acting like his normal self
except
he has kennel cough. Here is what happens during kennel cough. Dog hacks an ungodly hack deep from his diaphragm. The noise is heartbreaking. Hack, hack, hack, and then he hocks up whatever he has loosened, and then he either swallows it and repeats the process OR he barfs it up. If the dog is wearing an e-collar when he barfs up his foamy white phlegm, where do you think it goes? Good answer! It goes down the e-collar and drips down his neck and front and everywhere. Let me tell you, it is delicious. So that means you have to change the e-collar, wash down the dog as best you can short of a bath, wash down the e-collar, and put the collar back on him. Repeat all day Saturday until you run out of dog towels and start having to use the good towels.
That was then. We had one REALLY BAD DAY, and now he is recovering nicely. The barfing has stopped, he's sleeping through the night, and the coughing is greatly reduced. Tiki has not caught it and we are past the contagion period. So good news.
Going to the vet with kennel cough is an interesting experience. They don't let you come into the lobby. They met us in the parking lot and herded us through the back door like we were doing the rich person's version of a perp walk. Then they put on extra gowns and gloves and ask you to be the one doing most of the touching instead of the Vet Tech, and they ask you to please aim him that way so the cough hits the wall instead of going into the air, and yeah, we've seen this before, and you are shuttled out the back the way you came in and someone comes out to the car with the medicine and that'll be $150.00 please. It all took about three minutes. They do not want kennel cough germs in there at all. We were made to feel most unclean.
Bianconeri status: Have not won a game in weeks, but drew to AC Milan at the San Siro. In some danger of falling out of third place and having to go to the qualifiers for next year's Champions League instead of getting an automatic draw. Lots of rumors about temper tantrums in the dressing room and threatening to go play somewhere else and Il Mister is probably going to get fired and next week's game is not being broadcast and it's all very sad. However, the transfer of Capi from Real Madrid is virtually a done deal, so that's good.
Sleepy status: Pirlo got a very nerdy haircut this week and dropped at least 20 hotness points. I am hoping that the whole thing is the result of some father-son learning experience at the barber (maybe Sleepy Junior didn't want a haircut so they all went together so it wouldn't be so scary). At least I hope it's something like that, some kind of not-to-be-repeated mistake.
Big Swede status: The Inter fans have turned on him and he is rude in return and he has sold his villa outside Milan and is almost certainly leaving Serie A at the end of the season to go no one knows where. This is very bad news.
The weather: is beautiful. We have azaleas and irises and all the tress are in full leaf and it's breezy and lovely.
il coniglietto = bunny in Italian, so I guess that makes me a coniglietta.
And yes, I'm still knitting.
[gulp]
FROM THE BASEMENT!
[gasp]
It is hard to imagine that I can have any fun in the basement, so I don't know when I'll return to regular posting. That depends on The Man's "handle it" proficiency. (He seems to be trying hard, so my expectations are high. We''ll see.) In the meantime:
Kirby status: His cancer booboo got all scabby and flaky without ever really going through a crusty open sore stage, and now the top layer of scab-plus-hair is peeling off in flakes to reveal nice-looking pink skin. Flakes of scab-plus-hair all over the place are/is pretty goddamned gross, I must say. Kirby assists in the shedding process by doing a modified butt-scootch in which he drags his leg instead of his butt. It's a pretty effective exfoliant. He's no dummy. He is ready to stop wearing the e-collar, sez Kirby anyway, and he is acting like his normal self
except
he has kennel cough. Here is what happens during kennel cough. Dog hacks an ungodly hack deep from his diaphragm. The noise is heartbreaking. Hack, hack, hack, and then he hocks up whatever he has loosened, and then he either swallows it and repeats the process OR he barfs it up. If the dog is wearing an e-collar when he barfs up his foamy white phlegm, where do you think it goes? Good answer! It goes down the e-collar and drips down his neck and front and everywhere. Let me tell you, it is delicious. So that means you have to change the e-collar, wash down the dog as best you can short of a bath, wash down the e-collar, and put the collar back on him. Repeat all day Saturday until you run out of dog towels and start having to use the good towels.
That was then. We had one REALLY BAD DAY, and now he is recovering nicely. The barfing has stopped, he's sleeping through the night, and the coughing is greatly reduced. Tiki has not caught it and we are past the contagion period. So good news.
Going to the vet with kennel cough is an interesting experience. They don't let you come into the lobby. They met us in the parking lot and herded us through the back door like we were doing the rich person's version of a perp walk. Then they put on extra gowns and gloves and ask you to be the one doing most of the touching instead of the Vet Tech, and they ask you to please aim him that way so the cough hits the wall instead of going into the air, and yeah, we've seen this before, and you are shuttled out the back the way you came in and someone comes out to the car with the medicine and that'll be $150.00 please. It all took about three minutes. They do not want kennel cough germs in there at all. We were made to feel most unclean.
Bianconeri status: Have not won a game in weeks, but drew to AC Milan at the San Siro. In some danger of falling out of third place and having to go to the qualifiers for next year's Champions League instead of getting an automatic draw. Lots of rumors about temper tantrums in the dressing room and threatening to go play somewhere else and Il Mister is probably going to get fired and next week's game is not being broadcast and it's all very sad. However, the transfer of Capi from Real Madrid is virtually a done deal, so that's good.
Sleepy status: Pirlo got a very nerdy haircut this week and dropped at least 20 hotness points. I am hoping that the whole thing is the result of some father-son learning experience at the barber (maybe Sleepy Junior didn't want a haircut so they all went together so it wouldn't be so scary). At least I hope it's something like that, some kind of not-to-be-repeated mistake.
Big Swede status: The Inter fans have turned on him and he is rude in return and he has sold his villa outside Milan and is almost certainly leaving Serie A at the end of the season to go no one knows where. This is very bad news.
The weather: is beautiful. We have azaleas and irises and all the tress are in full leaf and it's breezy and lovely.
il coniglietto = bunny in Italian, so I guess that makes me a coniglietta.
And yes, I'm still knitting.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Luca Lunedi
Monday, Monday, can't trust that day.
I'm back from Indianapolis, complete with a brand new cold. (Ah choo!) It's cold and rainy, which is fine, but I was going to have a bean salad for lunch and I think I'd rather have something warm instead, only there isn't anything in the house that meets my exacting criteria.
While I ponder the lunch issue, here's our favorite half-witted beauty, Mr. November:
Look! He's trying to smolder! Isn't it sweet? And why is he wearing his bathing suit while he's getting a massage? Isn't that something one normally does while nekkid? Should there not be a towel draped over his big Italian butt for authenticity's sake? Oh, well. This is a German calendar. Maybe in Germany, they get their massages while fully clothed. Maybe in Germany they don't do massages at all, which is why they would be touting massages as a tourist attraction in Emilia-Romagna.
I don't get it. Neither does Looooca:
I'm back from Indianapolis, complete with a brand new cold. (Ah choo!) It's cold and rainy, which is fine, but I was going to have a bean salad for lunch and I think I'd rather have something warm instead, only there isn't anything in the house that meets my exacting criteria.
While I ponder the lunch issue, here's our favorite half-witted beauty, Mr. November:
Look! He's trying to smolder! Isn't it sweet? And why is he wearing his bathing suit while he's getting a massage? Isn't that something one normally does while nekkid? Should there not be a towel draped over his big Italian butt for authenticity's sake? Oh, well. This is a German calendar. Maybe in Germany, they get their massages while fully clothed. Maybe in Germany they don't do massages at all, which is why they would be touting massages as a tourist attraction in Emilia-Romagna.
I don't get it. Neither does Looooca:
[tongue must be out for brain to engage]
Friday, May 1, 2009
Dirtbunny's Architect
I'm sorry, Sleepy. I know that it's insulting to have to wait so long for your call-up while watching lesser mortals achieve the glory of FC Dirtbunny sooner.
Don't be mad. I can't do without you. Won't you please come play for FC Dirtbunny? You will? Awesome.
Are we cool?
Good. How is it that you out-cool Gigi, the coolest of them all? It's magic, I guess.
Here he is, Azzurri/A.C. Milan midfielder Andrea Pirlo:
That guy over on the right, if you noticed him at all, which I didn't, is Beckham. Sleepy overshadows Beckham, for crying out loud.
He's the invisible hand of the Azzurri. I'm only starting to be able to see what it is he does. Simply put, he sets the plays and directs the offense. He is indispensable. He can put the ball wherever he wants.
Rino and Sleepy together are the Odd Couple of the midfield. Fire and ice, hot and cold, passion and calculation, spicy salsa and ice cold margarita.
*sigh*
*sigh*
Don't be mad. I can't do without you. Won't you please come play for FC Dirtbunny? You will? Awesome.
Are we cool?
Good. How is it that you out-cool Gigi, the coolest of them all? It's magic, I guess.
Here he is, Azzurri/A.C. Milan midfielder Andrea Pirlo:
That guy over on the right, if you noticed him at all, which I didn't, is Beckham. Sleepy overshadows Beckham, for crying out loud.
He's the invisible hand of the Azzurri. I'm only starting to be able to see what it is he does. Simply put, he sets the plays and directs the offense. He is indispensable. He can put the ball wherever he wants.
Rino and Sleepy together are the Odd Couple of the midfield. Fire and ice, hot and cold, passion and calculation, spicy salsa and ice cold margarita.
*sigh*
Also, he is good at hugs.
*sigh*
He never forgets to kiss his wedding ring after he scores a goal, unlike some people.
*sigh*
And we've already shown that he knows how to shed a tear. *sigh*
Thanks, Sleepy, for anchoring Bunny's midfield.
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