The match against El Tri confirmed my suspicions that the Azzurri are afflicted with the Juve-suck of no effective attack and sleepy defending, although the match against the Swiss was much more encouraging. There is definitely something missing from the squadra (and I don't mean you know who), but it's almost time to stop griping about the make-up of the team and support what there is (except Quags. Never Quags.) I can see a good-guy explanation for all of the cuts except one. Rossi has been injured/inconsistent all season, though I would have preferred to see him stay. There's no point in keeping both Borriello and Rossi, so one of them had to go. Cossu who? Yeah. Fabi Grosso has been terrible all year and Antonio Candreva is probably not ready. Salvatore Sirigu is a tough loss, but it was either him or Federico Marchetti, and Marchetti makes Gigi (and Dirtbunny) happy, so that's that.
Mattia Cassani is my indefensible cut. He's a fabulous fullback and he deserves to be on the squad. Boo to Idiot il Mister for that.
And Boo for Quags. He's my unexplainable keep. Yes, I loathe him, but that's beside the point. He had a crappy year and he's inconsistent and undependable even when he's playing well. I don't know why Idiot il Mister loves him so damn much. Either Rossi or Borriello would have been a better keep than Quags. In fact, everyone is better than Quags except Amauri, only Amauri has marginally fewer detestable personal qualities. In particular, Italian strikers who could have been selected instead of Quags? Well, Rossi and Borriello, certainly. But also Luca Toni, Fabrizio Miccoli, Antonio Cassano, ADP, Fra Totti, Sergio Pelissier, Alessandro Diamanti (even though he's an attacking mid), Marco Di Vaio, Alessandro Matri, Tomasso Rocchi, geez even Mario Balotelli. For that matter, even Osvaldo (if only he'd get the hairdo and pornstache squared away) is at least as good as Quags. *snort*
I am especially upset with Quags right now for having scored a spectacular goal-from-nowhere against the Swiss. He'll go months without doing anything except spreading misogyny and the herpes simplex virus, and then all of a sudden he'll pull a great goal from out of his ass just when a great goal is needed. If he were completely sucky all the time, it would be easier to loathe him more completely. Now, however, I am put in the impossible position of hoping he'll do well, because there is actually a slim possibility that he will do well and because it's good for the squadra as a whole.
ISSUE NUMBER TWO: How to Tell Them Apart
I have two great new devices for remembering player names. I'm very proud of them, so I've decided to share/brag.
Real Madrid edition: Which one is Arbeola and which one is Albiol? They are both dark-haired, bescruffled defenders who weren't there last year (2008/09). Here's the trick: The one I think is Arbeola? He's Albiol. And the one I think is Albiol? He's Arbeola. BUT GUESS WHAT? His name is actually Arbeloa! Sneaky, huh?
Azzurri edition: Who the hell are these new guys I've never seen before? OK, it works like this. The sorta squared-off vaguely robotic looking one? He's Maggio. The one who looks a lot like Antonio Candreva only you know it's not Candreva because Candreva got cut? That's Leo Bonucci. And the other one? The one that makes you think Who The Fuck Is That? That's Cossu, who got cut, but is traveling with the
ISSUE NUMBER THREE: Time to Drink the Kool-aid
So there they are, your twenty-three glorious Azzurri, poised to defend their world championship. They're locked in now, for better or worse. They are the Italian National Football Squad. Dirtbunny's
1 comment:
"spreading misogyny and the herpes simplex virus, and then all of a sudden he'll pull a great goal from out of his ass just when a great goal is needed"
Sounds like quite a workout for Quags, with social dysfunction, social disease, and, um, a butt workout. So exhausting!
Re Albiol and Arbeloa, I guess we could act like people from Texas and rename folks with annoyingly foreign names, so that we call Nguyen "Nick" or "Patel" Paddy.....
Also, the next time I see someone on the metro who looks vaguely familiar and start thinking Who the Fuck is That, I'll know - it's Cossu!
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