Dirtbunny's Big Day

So's The Man is gone today to take care of some important business. This means that Bunny is free to do whatever she wants for twelve whole hours with her two best friends:

Did you think I was going to say someone else?

Also, it's a very good day because early poll results indicate that Bunny has TWO WHOLE READERS who are not The Man.

So whatever shall I do with myself? Lessee. Tomorrow, Bunny has some people coming over to help her with the secret knitting project. I have to get the house into a non-embarrassing state before they get here. I could try to guilt The Man into doing it tomorrow, but that would not be nice. Plus, the most embarrassing thing in the house is the one thing that The Man is not competent to handle to my standards. That embarrassing thing is eau du chien. I have started to notice a distinct smelliness around here. If I can smell it, God knows how bad it will be to my friends. Thus, I must spend at least part of the day attempting to eradicate Bad Smells from the Dogs.

Culprits:

1. The Boys themselves. Beagles are prone to stinky ears, and GK in particular has a chronic case of unspeakably foul ear gunk. Bunny cleaned beagle ears last night, but GK could probably use another go-round. Also, I think it's time for a (shhhh) B-A-T-H. GK is licking again, which means he's itchy, and YB doesn't smell as sweet at he should. Bathtime is not easy without The Man, but it's doable.

2. The Boys' stinky collars. They have never been washed and that smelly fact is now unavoidably obvious. They're wet anyway because of all the rain, so I might as well give them a soak.

First, remove the bling:

Then put them in a bowl of soapy water:

Oh gross. Look how dingy that water is. Nasty.

3. Also, the beagle blankets. Unfortunately, my camera has been unable to capture the miasma of stank rising off these things. They are in my room, people. I cannot even describe their funk to you, for which you should thank me. So these go in the laundry. As do the dog bed covers. And with those gone and the rain abating, I can open windows and get some fresh air in the bedroom.

4. This, however is the biggest job:

This is the rug on which the coffee table sits up against the legs of which YB likes to go when he's bored with pretending to be house-trained. The Man helped me move the coffee table this morning, and the rest is up to me. My guests will be in this room tomorrow, and if it smells foul to me, it will probably make them choke and gasp. So, we will scrub the bad spots with Nature's Miracle (we're out of paper towels, so that should be loads of fun because The Man took the car and I can't go get more), then I will deodorize with baking soda and an herb or spice, then I'll vacuum, and repeat as necessary. Plus open the windows. Plus figure out how to keep The Boys out of the baking soda so we don't have white powdery footprints all over the furniture. This usually involves putting up The Baby Gate of Injustice:

Bunny is so mean! What is she doing in there? Unfair to beagles!

What herb/spice shall I use this time? I've decided on a blend of cinnamon, lavender, chamomile, rose, and "sleep herbs blend" from Mountain Rose Herbs. I hope my guests don't fall asleep. More importantly, I hope the herbs can counteract the stench rising off YB's rug stains of dominance.

So far, I have accomplished exactly zero. I have, however, wasted a lot of time writing about what I'm going to do, eventually, probably. And now I'm tired and I'm going to watch TV.