JUVENTUS 2:1 LAZIO
JUVENTUS 2:1 LAZIO
at last Of Blacks has found someone willing to hug him.
Juventini have seen this sort of thing before, plenty of times, even a few times this season: the match looks sewn up, the result certain, and then something shitty happens in the dying seconds that changes everything. Boo. Well, it happened again, only this time, Juventus saved itself from an unsatisfying draw with a last-gasp goal to take the win over second-place Lazio. \o/ Let me tell you, it may be crappy when it costs your team a win, but it's magical when it gives your team the win. Juve now sits second in the table courtesy of a massive goal differential. SECOND! I know, I know. Don't count on anything. It'll probably all go to hell against Chievo, but let's enjoy the moment, shall we?
So before the match, in the pre-match run-up on Fox Soccer Channel, two important things happened: Alena was in the house! She was looking quite fine, as always, but there was no Gigi with her. She wouldn't have come alone, of course, so let's assume Gigi just happened to be at the bar.
Speaking of Gigi, it appears that Of Blacks gave an interview in which he said something along the lines of Gigi is not indispensable. Who knows whether Gigi cares about this, but his agent is raging at the supposed disrespect and the rumors about Gigi leaving for that EPL team based in the same city as Manchester City have started up again. Now Gigi is, well, he's Gigi. He belongs to Juve and Juventini adore him and want him back and any team would be better with him on it. But the Zebes are doing fairly well with their accomplished number two, so what Del Neri said is true, if impolitic. Meanwhile, you have to think Marcostorari wonders exactly what he has to do to get any attention.
Unfortunately, Marcostorari did not have a perfect night. Lazio got a corner kick, and in the ensuing melee, Marcostorari came out to attack the ball, but he didn't claim it and it wasn't cleared properly, and in the end, Pouty Zarate put it home. Oops.
Yeah. It was a home match, but Juventus wore its away kit, and Lazio was wearing black, which I've never seen before. It was all very disturbing.
The second important thing that happened is that Fox announced that Marco Motta would be starting at right back. Mr. D and I threw a right tantrum and screamed at the television to give us Sorensen instead. And then I saw Sorensen milling around in the tunnel with the starters, but not Marcolino. Thus, someone important has noticed that Sorensen is much better as a non-attacking right back than Motta is as a non-defending/non-attacking right back, and has made an adjustment to the line up.
The photographers haven't caught up yet, but they will. I have two more things to say about Sorensen. First, while I got lucky this time with my shout-at-the-television-and-demand-that-it-change protest, I've tried it many hundreds of times before without success. I suggest that if you want to change the world, or even the coach's tactics, yelling at the television yields a depressingly low return. Also, it appears that Juve's option on Sorensen is one hundred fifty thousand euros. 150,000 euros! His current estimated market value is 5 million. JUVE MUST BUY HIM!!!!! They must! They spent 12 million on Martinez. Spurs got Rafa van der Vaart for a paltry 8 million. 150,000 euros is only $ 200,000. I swear to God I'll raise the money myself. I can borrow against the house, cash in my retirement money, sell blood, take in laundry, and pimp my spouse to perverts. I'll do it, I swear I will.
By the way, if there was any doubt, he played wonderfully.
Grosso started over on the other side.
This is the only picture, which is just as well, because the limited attention at is pretty consistent with his contribution to the match. The photographers were probably aiming for Floccari. In fact, although Grosso hasn't completely sucked, I think his best contribution to the squad this season is his half of this photograph:
Guess what? Leo got noticed!
ONOZ! He has gone off and gotten himself one of those awful haircuts that everyone else has. Oh, sweetie. Don't be a sheep. It doesn't look good on Borriello and it doesn't look good on you.
But thanks for the junk.
Alessa started on the bench so that means Gio was captain. He spent a lot of time shutting down Mauri.
No, it's not the same photograph. It's slightly different. Are you really asking for less Gio? I thought not. OK then.
OK, now that right thigh there is a bit scary. EAT SOMETHING FFS!
Marchisio started in the left side of the midfield, but got no photog love, although he was everywhere, especially in the first half. He had one play where he took the ball out of the sky, settled it on his chest, dropped it gently towards his feet, caught it on the volley on the way down, and sent a lovely accurate pass to Vincenzo. *sigh* How--HOW--can they do these wonderful things? Lazio sent most of its attack up the left hand side, so Claudio was a very busy boy. He went out for Pepe in the 67th and again, no pictures.
Melo and Aquilani started in the middle.
Albertino seemed a little flat to me, but he seems to have gotten good ratings. Maybe I was too mesmerized by Claudio to notice.
His hair was active....
...and his bitchiness.
He took a monster strike from distance, and he knocked a free kick off the crossbar, but he also muffed some passes.
Melo had some crap passes too.
He also got a yellow for one of those, um, tackles of his.
It was just a tackle, OK? There were no weapons and it was in the run of play. It's not like he just randomly snuck up behind someone and shivved him in the kidneys.
I'm fussing about the central mids, but Juventus had the bulk of possession and they held Lazio well.
Out wide on the right, Milos started.
He started out like gangbusters, but it didn't take very long for Cavanda to figure him out.
Who the hell is Cavanda anyway? *goes off to check*
Cripes. He's only 19. Looks like Juventus has many years of battling against him to look forward to.
He and Milos fought hard all day. Milos didn't have a lot of success until the very end, but it was a sorta-fail of honor.
Respect.
Up top, we had Vincenzo.
Vince also has the haircut. Honestly, they're a herd of goats.
Vince worked it hard all day.
Unfortunately, Lazio's defense did a superior job of reading Juve's movements, and they had an answer for pretty much everything, damn them.
That whole reading-the-attack-and-shutting-it-down thing worked well against Quags. He pretty much blew.
Srsly, he was NOT feeling it and was replaced by ADP in the 71st.
Alessa had one of those glorious free kicks, from a sharp angle on the right, and it was so going in, but Muslera saved it. Boo. Also, Alessa got fouled pretty spectacularly. Dias hooked a leg around Ale's waist from behind and dragged him down, then held him down as he tried to get up.
Capitano was not pleased. After he squirmed his way out of the iron grip of Dias' thighs and managed to come to his feet, he turned around and proceeded to tell Dias just how much of a dick move that was.
This prompted Edy Reja to come over and shove Alessa. Since when do coaches get to leave the technical area to put their hands on opposing players? The players weren't doing any shoving. Speaking of dick moves. Do you know what this means?
It means that Reja has made himself an Enemy of Dirtbunny. You suck, pal, and you better watch yourself.
Anyhow, naturally there were no cards for anyone for any of this nonsense although you can see from the photos that Bergonzi was right there for the whole thing.
So that there was the match flotsam. Now for the good stuff.
Minute 2: Albertino takes a corner kick and....
...Capitano Gio heads it in.
That ape-like chest-pounding thing is back. *headdesk* But it didn't last long and there was lots of nice, familiar prancing.
is that......? *examines crotch closely*
I think it is! Hey there little Gio. We've missed you.
There's a Gio somewhere in the middle of that huddle, or so Daylife said.
GFB! DAW!
But that was minute 2. It didn't take very long for Lazio to equalize and then everyone settled in for the long haul. Juve kept bringing the attack, but they got stuck somewhere between the mids and the forwards just like last year. By minute 53 or so, I was feeling the effects of the grape, and I knew--I just knew--it was already over with. Juve didn't up, they kept flinging the ball in the general direction of the goal, but I had that feeling so familiar to us all that It Was Not Going to Happen.
Four minutes of stoppage time. Whatever. Just blow the damn whistle and put us all out of our misery. Minute 93. Minute 94. Lord, will this ever be over with?
93:30. Tick. 93:38. Tock. 93:46. Tick. 93:51. Tock.
93:56. Holy Mary Mother of God. Milos does one of his crazy squirmy slippery runs from the corner along the goal line and Floop! He puts it in. Four seconds to go and Juventus scores to get the win.
some are scoring this as a Muslera own goal, but to hell with them; I'm counting it for Krasic
\o/
Sorry, Nando. For the Zebes to succeed, you must fail.
Now this is where it gets interesting. See he kisses the ring.
But the thumb is not entering the mouth.
And the shirt is not coming off.
If anyone knows that it's bad to take off the shirt, it's Vince. Has he been counseling Milos?
After a while, the nice respectable celebration is over and gives way to......
INCOMING!
...Gio!joy.
Awww. How happy!
The kid is working a pretty impressive fist-pump himself. And Not Ciro's just looking for someone to sodomize. ICU Enemy. You better watch yourself.
Gio has not run out of Gio!joy yet, and Of Blacks seems to be preying on Leo. Well, they say that the stupid are more vulnerable to predators, and with hair like that, it's easy to be mistaken for stupid.
Marcostorari!joy, along with proof of Claudio.
Oh, good. Leo has wriggled free.
93:56, remember? It's over. Time for the big jump.
There's mah bb there in the middle, but don't foget to check out God's Favorite Goofball over towards the right.
proof of Pepe, if you needed it
Um, hey Serbo! You just sank the game-winner in the last second of the match! SMILE!!!!!
Yeah. So between the ADP!aggro, the exciting big finish, and the sugar-bomb slice of cake I had during the game, it was well-nigh impossible to sleep last night. I was starting to wonder what's wrong with me to care so much about some stupid sport across the ocean that I lose sleep over it except on the nights I dream about it, and then I came across this and now I don't think I'm crazy at all. Someone at Reuters took a picture so all the world could see someone's shoes:
Guess who? *eyeroll*
Next match is a meaningless Europa League tie at home against Manchester City on Thursday. Next real match is Sunday, away at Chievo Verona.
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