JUVENTUS 4:1 PARMA
Guess which one scored a goal.
Have you seen the new house?
Fancy. The San Siro can bite me.
If Juventus ever gets back to Europe, the English press is going to wet itself.
They brought out some icons to say "Welcome."
I see Gigi forgot to get his pants hemmed properly.
The old guy and the other old guy. Heroes of past and present. (What an awful tie. I hope they didn't make Boniperti wear that.)
Awwwww. *dabs at tears*
After a while, they turned the lights on and had a friendly against Notts County. For the new Juventini, Notts County is where Juventus got the whole black and white thing from.
Here's the newest New Guy, who's thrilled to be playing for a squad that a month ago wasn't big enough for him
If he plays well and watches his mouth, I'll forgive him. Mostly.
Marcolino. *sigh* I really don't know what he's even doing here any more. They paid money to actually buy him, you know. After they saw how he did last year, too.
Matri! Hm. That #11 in the background doesn't look like Amauri. *chortle*
OMG I AM SO GLAD FOOTBALL IS BACK! I LOVE THESE BOZOS SO MUCH!
Everyone wants to put his hands on Matri.
Capitano
Still bearing his summer tan. *iz jealous*
I didn't see and haven't even bothered to look it up, but I presume that Loooca got a goal.
Green-eyed Gorilla of Love. Check him out while you can, because I don't see him getting very much playing time this season.
Enough with the antipasto. Let's have the main course.
Boyz. Each one with his srs bz face. & hearts Look! Pepe has lined himself up in the back with the talls, with the unintended consequence of making himself look teeny. Hee!
San Gigi and his barrettes are back.
He's still not quite Gigi yet. He didn't have much to do, but he made two saves that were just fine but maybe not as clean and crisp as they could have been.
The BUM.
Was he whiny and obnoxious? Yes.
Do I still worry that he'd be out committing aggravated assaults over things like line-cutting at Starbucks if he didn't have football as a place to channel his rage? Yes.
Is he the best right back by far that Juve has had in three or four years? Yes. We knew that already. No points.
Did he score the first goal in the new house? Yes. Yes he did. +1
ADP staring at BUM's ass" I'm gonna tap that
Did he convert an amazing pass from Pirlo and make Pirlo smile? Yes. +1
TANGENT: Did Pirlo bring his crotch issues with him from Milan? Yes! Glory be! Yes!! A'ight then, lads. This proves that it's not the kits. My expectations have just ratcheted way up.
OMG SO HAPPIES
Did his goal lead to a celebration involving a full-on manpile?
Yes Yes Yes! +1
LOL ADP trying/failing to roll BUM over on his back.
Claudio has at last arrived. What's a manpile without the Team Ho? Wait. To hell with BUM, he's trying to get himself a piece of il capitano.
Pepe's having his own little manpile of one.
This is an awesome manpile. +3 for BUM
Pepe: We're humping Alessa? Make room for me!
Proof of Giorgio
Champions. Le sigh.
I'm not sure if this actually belongs here, but it's as good a place as any to show that we have a coach full of RAWR who is probably going to give himself a stroke.
*passes him a Xanax*
Barzagli started in the center with Gio. You know, Barza is really pretty good. Much better than Legrottaglie was at the end. He can do more than park himself in the box and wait for you to run at him.
I'm glad to have him and I'm glad there are pictures. However: where are all the goddamn pictures of Gio? Foto Fail
Paolino!
Because it's been so long since Juventus has had even a minimally competent left back, he probably looked better than he actually was. I thought he did wonderfully. He ran up and down. He defended deep. He sent in beautiful crosses. He seethed grinta. &hearts
That's it for defenders, believe it or not. We have 37 midfielders on the first team squadra, so you can bet there were plenty of those.
Anyone heard of this guy? World Champion Andrea Pirlo? He's been dead inside for at least two years, but my friends, he has woken up.
Remember that invisible force field at about the trequartista area? The line beyond which the Zebes have been unable to deliver the final ball into the box? That's gone. Andrea can put the ball into the box on the very foot of the striker.
I don't know when I've seen him play so consistently excellently. I feel waaaaay better about letting Albertino go.
See? AWAKE! (Hello Martha's Bald, whose name I can't remember)
Perhaps it goes without saying, but providing effective service to the strikers really makes a difference. Who knew?
(Krasic: *takes notes*)
TANGENT: Morrone. That's Martha's Bald's Name.
Milos came on as a sub towards the end. He didn't do much, which is fine considering the score. He's still running up to the goal line and losing possession. Needs practice.
Best Milos Photo EVAR?
It's Giaccherini! His eyes are, um, intense. He's a meter 67, which means ADP is no longer the shortest. GiaccheriniwhoneedsashortnicknamesoIdon'thavetotypeout"Giaccherini"allthetime started on the left in front of PDC. Ostensibly, it was a 4-2-4, but I thought it worked pretty much like a 4-4-2, only with actual wingers.
Little guy has little crotch issues. It's not the kits!
DB=disappointed
Oh, and hey Zac. I like the ponytail.
Mitra started up top. It was not his day.
He worked and worked and tried and tried, but alas. (Hey coconut!)
ADP set him up beautifully and he blew an absolute sitter. He was the first to go, replaced by Mirko!
Mellow. A little too mellow maybe.
Bitchposing and breathing hard.
Yum. Mirante.
Um, Capitano also started.
He wanted a goal. He wanted one badly.
He did not get one.
Don't worry. He always scores when he comes home.
Speaking of scoring, my feed gave me several glimpses of la Madama looking quite fetching and unusually boobalicious. As far as WAGs go, she's one of the reasonably normal ones, meaning she didn't get her big start i
Mean, mean Mister pulled him off in the 67th, before he could get the goal he wanted so badly. He was pissed. Look at him, doing the minimum crowd-thanking but with no expression on his face.
It's Marcostorari! And Leo!
Yep. ADP.com posted a photo of Himself marching up the stairs to the dugout. Are we really that desperate for Ale-Fotos that we need stupid shit like this? I say no. I include it, however, so you can see that the dugouts in the new house are up in the stands like at Old Trafford.
Hooray, right? There's nowhere to hide. If it's me, tho, I want to be able to hide and grump and cuss and sneer and all of my usual antics and I would not welcome being so exposed to the cameras and my adoring fans all the time.
Rounding out the starting strike force was Pepe playing high on the right wing. Simone Pepe. I spent the first half of the first half trying to figure out where Milos was hiding, but Mister favored us with Pepe.
He was surprisingly effective. I know I make a lot of smart-ass remarks about Pepe, but I don't mean it in a snarky way. He made a real contribution. Maybe it's because BUM was there for cover. I don't care. Keep it up.
In the 58th, he showed up
For this, he was favored by a Claudio!Glomp, not that those are rare or anything.
He really wants to be good and he wants to be loved. It's kind of nice to see him occasionally being the player he wants so badly to be. *pats him and dabs at tears*
Goddamn I'm getting soft.
Oboy. Sometimes Claudio is fucking scary. Plz not to kill the new competent right side.
I think he has claimed BUM as his new bitch. Off on the bench, Bonucci cries a little.
Pepe's goal celebration ended with a golf-related gesture of some kind. Dude can't help but emphasize his objectionable qualities.
Love me, love me, Say that you love me....
So that Chilean sub guy who came on for ADP?
Fantastico.
And he scored a goal too.
RAWR
RAWR
Oh, ick.
Maybe a little cute.
Oh God. The heart. The fucking heart.
Could be worse. Could be thumb-sucking.
TANGENT: Cassano has started sucking his thumb to celebrate. I don't like it on anyone, but Cheetos? Do Not Want.
Aww. What a nice smile!
.......aaaaaaaaand it's Claudio first on the scene.
I think he's teaching the Milos-bot how to high-five. Too cute.
Your eleventh starter: Claudio Marchisio. Was. A. Beast. And not just because of the glomping, humping, and choking. Oh wow, he was good.
(About 1:15 in)
Um, yes. It was one of those. Unfrickingbelievable. And OMG props to
waaaaah waaaaaahhhhh
It's the beautiful game!
I love them so much!
waaahh
Um, sorry, but the Zebes have been swimming in suck. I need to enjoy the moment before it all turns to crap again.
This one's shorter and kind of grainy, plus it has annoying pop-ups you will probably want to close. I wasn't going to, but the musical accompaniment convinced me to post it:
Il Principino.
He's kind of impressed by his own greatness, and kind of surprised that it worked liked it was supposed to. &hearts
Never let him go. NEVER.
So that brings us to minute 83. Parma looked positively dead, and Juventus was looking at a glorious clean sheet. And then, at minute 90, in true Juventus style, just when it was supposed to be over, it wasn't.
PDC got a little overzealous and made a reckless, unnecessary tackle in the box that earned him a red card.
Gigi is so upset he's turned his back on the whole thing. He wanted his clean sheet, goddamnit!
Elf converted the penalty kick.
After not making the save (not his fault, even great keepers aren't really supposed to save very many penalties), Gigi rolled up onto his knees, faced the curva, and roared out his rage. Wow. He really wanted that clean sheet.
And then it was over.
Everyone loves Pirlo.
Some people took their shirts off.
And then they all joined hands and made the big jump.
...or a small jump, for the old people.
wishes Il Mister would stop coaching
PDC is suspended for one match because of the red card.
Next match away to Siena Sunday
No comments:
Post a Comment