Dirtbunny.net: Half-Hearted Old Lady Post: Chievo. Bleh. Whatever

Originally posted on October 19, 2011

Chievo Verona 0:0 Juventus

It's not like I expected the Donkeys would crush the Zebes. It's just that, well, you know, they can, and they have, and last year they did. (Oh wait. The andata last year was a draw. It felt like a loss at the time and it still does.) This time around, Juve managed a clean sheet on a decent defensive performance and a lackluster offensive performance. A null-null draw. Just like nearly everyone else in Serie A last weekend. How very exciting.

The star of the show:

And not just because he always is, either. Because he came on as a SuperSub, immediately fired things up, made a crucial goal line clearance, and was mighty unlucky to knock a fine shot off the post.

I'm going to be blunt. I'm really not in the mood for any of this. However, it's not the players' fault that I'm so bummed, and it's not your fault either. I've got about 75 photos and some of them are pretty good and the Zebes survived an away game against the Donkeys. Woo. Hoo. So on I go as is my ~~duty~~ privilege. Fortunately, nothing much happened, so there wouldn't be much to say anyway.

Daylife thinks this is a photo of the pre-match warm-ups, but it's obviously a photo of the mascots. I always wondered how they corralled all those willful little creatures until they were needed.

We rated Captain Hairdo ~~Kaka Guy~~ for this match. He's cut back on the swirly pompadour this year.

Gigi continued to generate suspense with another "Good Enough, I Guess" performance.

Gio was the left back. He was adequate.

That gave Leo another chance to start at center back.

rawr. I like rawr.

Barza.

Big Ugly Monster

Looks like Lazio is doing well enough without him.

Don't be fooled. Monsters only have three kinds of feelings: HUNGRY! ANGRY! HORNY!

I'm not sure what this is, but it looks like "defending" to me, so it goes here. I'm never so bummed that I can't be compulsive about sorting and organizing things. You should see the lists I make.

And now, the Midfield.

Vidal.

At this point, you have two options with Vidal.

1. He sucks and we vastly overpaid. OR..... 2. He hasn't found his groove yet. I'm leaning towards #2. So far.

We are apparently supposed to care that Michael Bradley plays for the Donkeys now, what with him being on the U.S. Men's National Team. Woo. Hoo.

If you were Bradley-inclined, he was easy to spot on the pitch.

He was the ghostly pale bald white guy. NOTE: This technique does not work in the EPL.

Pirlo

That hair!

Chievo decided to mark him. It showed.

He wasn't as effective as he has been.

He's still Andrea Fucking Pirlo, World Champion, Regista of all Registas. That goon Agnelli would do well to remember that when his time comes. But I digress.

Marchisio.

Friend IRL: You're a Juve fan? Isn't Juve owned by, um, Gaddfafi?
DB: Um, partly, but the rest of them really aren't like that.

*scoff*

I tried to cheer myself up by going back to the 2011 D&G underwear campaign and looking at Claudio's foreskin.

It didn't work.

No points for guessing which one is Bradley.

Whatever. Might as well look at Il Mister.

Doing like he do.

That Holy Water thing was not a one-time deal. DB: *resolves to look up Holy Water on Wikipedia to see what it's for. I'm guessing it makes prayers stronger/louder or something*

Yup. Just looking at Il Mister cos this is about where Martha would put it and I'm a total copycat.

Aww, Man!

Things are unrelated!

Stop turning your anger and hurt about ADP in on yourself!

DB: Okay, Mister. I'll try.

I invented Blue Steel, bitch.

Oh, dear. Time for the wingers.

Pepe. Yeah. I know.

Look, Stephan! The ball's right there.

I don't care if you really care as long as you don't go.

Pepe adores il capitano. Adores him. I'll bet he knows how I feel.

Krasic.

Was Bad.

Seriously. What is wrong with him anyway?

Jack came on as a sub.

Wheeeeeeeeeere's Bradley?

Yeah, it's Jack. I eventually figured it out by the blue boots. Please take notice of the Slovenian barbarian committing the foul.

Mirketto was the lone striker up top.

Mirko belly!

It wasn't really working for Mirko.

I'd guess that the lone striker plan works better when your wingers aren't craptacular.

Going to the Euros, baby!

Hark! Who Dat?

It is the east! And Juliet is the sun!

*sob!*

Look at his face. He was fouled, but he's happy to go down--any time, any place--which is one of the reasons why I love him so much.

Well, that's just fucking great. Exactly the wrong mental image for me right now and I put it there myself.

Shit. I think I'm going to have to go to ITunes and download some cheesy Bon Jovi song. The only cure for Brain Worms is replacement Brain Worms. A couple of listens to "Wanted Dead or Alive" and I'll never think about sexxing Alessa again.