ADP and the Ladies in Bianconeri

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON MAY 12, 2010


The season is almost over and that means the summer transfer season is about to begin.  Please don't ask me when, precisely: I'm new at this.  Transfer rumors make me incapable of attending to the mundane details of life, such as retaining employment so I can pay the electric bill so I can do things like this here post.  Last year was bad, because ADP was going to China, MLS, Spain.  Pirlo was going to Chelsea.  Gattuso and Zambrotta were going, well, no one was sure where they were going, but they weren't going to stay at Milan.  That all worked out nicely in the end.  This year, the Bianconeri rumor mills have already informed us that Zlatan Dead Guy is returning to Juve, ADP is going somewhere or not, Gigi is going to Man City  Arsenal  anywhere they have a Champions League slot, and Giovinco is going to be loaded onto a space pod and blasted out into oblivion so tifosi stop questioning the wisdom of not allowing him to play.  It is only going to get worse.  When the transfer window opens, I am probably going to have to institute at least a partial interwebs embargo.  However, I am currently free to wallow wherever I want, and so I went to the Juventus blog on The Offside to listen to like-minded disappointees hurl rhetorical mud at zebra management, and lo and behold, whatever did I find there?

What does this woman have to do with football?



Oh, you know very well what she has to do with football.  That's right.  It's time for "Chiambretti Night!"  Prior episodes, like this one, for example,  have been heartily mocked lovingly chronicled in these august pages.  I do not understand "Chiambretti Night" at all, but I gather there's an interview portion and some nekkid dancing girls and some elfin guy who makes ADP look like a veritable giant.  I mean an actual giant, not a Giant of Love. 

Moving right along, guess who was apparently on "Chiambretti Night?"





that woman has never had an ass pimple in her entire life.


I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking, "Why Dirtbunny.  That's ADP."  But you would be wrong Imaginary ADP in my Head, with whom I have a torrid and monogamous (well, he's monogamous) relationship, was here with me that night.  By some weird coincidence (did you know this?)  there is another guy who looks just like Imaginary ADP in my Head only not as tall,  and---this is so bizarre--his name is also Alessandro Del Piero!  Can you believe it? 








I say no way.  ADP would be squirming and uncomfortable and dying to get the fuck out of there, especially when these ladies arrived on the scene:

he's either smiling or dyspeptic


My friends, those are nuns.  Nuns with lots of eye makeup.  And lip gloss.  And tattoos.  And sleeveless habits.







And habits with no bottoms.  And posing with their firm, smooth buttocks way up in the air.  (Whatever for?)

one of these things is not like the others


Now wait just a fucking minute.  That gentle but pale looking lady to ADP's right has sleeves and a skirt on her habit, no visible makeup, and if she has any tattoos, she ain't sharing them wth us.

OMG y'all!  That's a real nun!  A real nun playing a cameo role in a tableau of Naughty Nuns!  AND ADP APPEARS TO BE HAVING AWFULLY PLEASANT PRIVATE THOUGHTS ABOUT SOMETHING OR OTHER!  I'm a fairly secular person who did not grow up Catholic, so I know very little about nuns, but even I know that there is something very very wrong about all of this.  Especially when you consider that of the nuns, only the naughty ones are black.

NAUGHTY NUNS!


At least they pulled out the extra-creepy guns for ADP.  All Gigi got was a dancing girl in a dress made of post-its.


OK, I was going to post the videos, but I couldn't figure out how to do that, so I was just going to post links to the various parts and while I was figuring out how to do that, ADP started making some eye-twinkling action with some fiesty, cute little brunette with perfect silky hair out there in the audience, and now I have to go hurt something.  You can find your own damn videos.


*runs off sobbing.  "Mr. D!  I need more liquor!"*