I know this is from last week but it's the best I got.
Can you feel it? The impending doom? Settling over you like an itchy and somewhat smelly blanket that you just can't get away from? Every time you shake it off and feel the fresh air of Juve 4-0 Lecce, or something similar, here it comes, scratchy and stale, reminding you who you're dealing with: Salzburg 1-1 Juventus. At half-way through the group stage, Juve sits third in the group A table with three points. This represents Serie A quite ill, and it makes the tifosi cranky. Ugh.
The Hairz were there.
I told you Gio got a ghastly haircut. His hair now looks sort of ...... accidental, like it wasn't meant to look like that at all.
They look normal on the outside.
Well, except the one.
Who'd ever have guessed that an Axe Murderer would be such a wuss about a little chill in the air?
Girlfriends, I think it's time to downgrade Marcolino's Hair Security Status from Green to Orange. I think he's bringing back the pompadour. This shall not stand.
Is that snow? I love snow.
Marcostorari's response to cold-weather is training is cutting back on his shaving regimen to once every six hours.
Gio just puts a hat on.
Strikers put on gloves.
And press-ready smiley faces.
Saddle shoulders are very flattering to Ale's broad-chested peasant-shaped upper body.
Stupid watermarks.
That's better.
However, this match took place in Austria, so there was only one star of the show as far as the photogs were concerned. Brace yourself, Martha. It's time for the Manninger! Show.
*cue choir of angels*
Save to the left!
Save to the right!
Doh! Almost a crotch shot. So close....
Oh come on--when does Manninger! ever get any attention?
Those chiseled cheekbones! That square jaw!
And now it's time for the "Returning Hero Enters the Gates of the City" shot:
*cue choir of angels again*
Eventually, the match had to begin.
Now that there is a warning sign, don't you think? Except for Ale, who's even more of a legend now whether Juve ever earn another point or not, and Pepe, whom I suspect is too simple-minded to realize what's about to happen, the zebes all look worried at best, and about to hurl at worst. Good news: no one wore tights, not even Old Man Capitano.
Manninger! was favored with the start and with yet more attention from the photogs.
OK. So a goal got in. That was on Leo, not Manninger!
I never get tired of these Keeper-in-the-Net photos.
Earz! aw
PDC started on the left.
Whatever else you want to say about him, he put in a solid day's work.
No spiking!
Checkit: The Hairz Were There!
Gryga started on the right.
He did his usual high-energy flailing around.
He wasn't all that ineffective, and yet, what stands out are moments like this: Gryga looking skyward and a bit mental while a much more composed opponent blows by him, ball on the ground. Poor Gryga. Why so terrible? Also? He damaged his knee ligaments and will be out for 5-6 weeks, so whatever Marcolino has been doing that doesn't impress LDN, he better get it sorted PDQ.
Srsly, bb. If you're going to be doing that sort of thing all the damn time, maybe you want to start doing some yoga, hmm? We can't see Leo's face, but from the back of his head, I'm pretty sure he's saying "Dude? WTF?"
Of course, goat-of-the-day Leonardo Bonucci, glove-wearing defender, has no room to talk. I credit him with Salzburg's goal. It was his manic, purposeless racing around in the box that freed the opponent and gave him space to take the shot.
I don't know if the photogs were intentionally punishing him by giving him no love, but it's possible. What I want from you, young sir,
Leo's defensive partner Gio was also there, also being ignored by the photogs.
These really don't tell the whole story.
He came forward a fair amount and, well, there was more going on than him crashing into people and making faces.
Don't blink, or you'll miss Melo!
That's better. He deserves some decent photographic support.
Before we move on to the midfield, let's take a Gigi Break.
He just won some crappy poll to determine the best keepers of the last 25 years. Also, instead of hanging in Turin with his teammates and going to the occasional match, he's staying home in Carrara, which is understandable and kind of douchey at the same time.
OK. Mids.
Claudio started in the center.
He got very little love.
You know who got some love? Momo. Momo got some love.
But not from me.
What is his job? He can't pass. He can't run with the ball. He's only 50/50 on his defense. He can't maintain possession. *sigh*
You know who else got some love?
Jorge Martinez got some love.
He was all over the place. I mean that in a good way and in a bad way. He picked up a yellow for a hard foul and was lucky to make it to the 64th minute without a second yellow and a sending off.
Melo came in for Martinez and got a yellow for mouthiness.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, Pepe started on the other wing.
"I suck."
"Why do I keep starting you when you suck so badly? Why haven't I learned that you're terrible and your presence on the pitch is bad for the team? Why do I keep making this mistake over and over?"
After tolerating 45minutes of uselessness, Not Ciro gave up on his plan to rest Krasic and brought Mr. Hat Trick in at the half.
Surprisingly, Milos got very little love.
I'm just an ignorant American, but somehow I expected that the Austrian press would be all over Milos the way the Polish press was all over Gryga. Twas not to be.
And up top, because Vincenzo is injured, Lanzafame is in the undisclosed location where the suits used to keep Giovinco, and Albertino and Quags are cup-tied, we had Amauri.
He worked it. Hard.
But it wasn't happening. He never seemed to be on the end of crosses this time.
I don't think that was all his fault. He wasn't the only one up top who had an off night.
Ale couldn't hit any sort of target all night. His passes were off and his shots were off too.
Pretty much every free kick he takes now that's anywhere close to range, he tries to knock it in rather than set someone up for a header. Yeah, he's made two of them so far this season, and yeah, they were
I dunno. Maybe he shoulda worn tights.
Anyhoo, there was a goal, after all. Milos put one in off a PDC cross in the 48th, something which could not have happened if LDN had not taken Pepe the Dud out. So thank you for that, Il MIster.
1. Milos looks disturbingly intense when he closes those eyes for hugz time, don't you think?
2. I hope Ale doesn't hurt his back stretching up like that to reach the normal-sized boys.
I always worry that someone is getting crushed in there.
See, Capitano has a PDC and half a Gio on his back.
I wish I could be in a glomp like that.
*sigh* It would have helped to get one more.
The return leg is Thursday November 4 at the Stadio Olimpico.
Next match is Sunday against Bologna at the Renato Dall'Ara. And right there I just decided to make salsa bolognese for dinner on Sunday. Mr. D is going to be in meat-lover's hog heaven. Maybe we'll open one of the barolos.
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