Dirtbunny.net: Old Lady Mini-Post: Half-Assed Beach Edition

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON SEPTEMBER 20, 2010

Last week, we had a Europa League Claudio deficit. This week, we have plenty of Claudio, some as you've never seen him before ~~and never will again, I hope~~.

Now study carefully, because there will be a quiz later:

Question: What the FUCK is that boy doing? (Extra credit question: How many coolness points does he lose for doing it?)

It is true. At last, Juventus got a league victory, in an away match no less, against lowly Udinese. Not only a victory, but a 0-4 plastering. Better still (this is the part none of you care about), through the miracle of modern wireless internet access, I was able to watch the match whilst 250 miles away from home (that's 400-ish km) enjoying a well-deserved beach vacation (that's "holiday"). None of my friends IRL understand this, but I know you all do: I love football so much that I will happily spend a little of my vacation time watching football while hiding from My Enemy, The Sun. I love you guise! OK, but I'm not going to spend all day making a picspam masterpiece. But I am willing to plop together a vaguely organized collection of match photos, light on the commentary and heavy on the squee.

Isn't he pretty? I love ADP.

Starting eleven having a moment of silence for an Italian soldier killed in the war in Afghanistan, which is still going on. It's really not appropriate to be checking out all the pants problems during such a solemn moment. Especially not Leo, Marcostorari, and Gio. Or anyone else.

Marcostorari was in goal. He had nothing to do all day, but I don't care. I love Marcostorari. There are no match photos of him, but here he is post-match with his mates.

PDC is out injured, so ---Oh No!--Gryga started on the left.

This is not the Polish press, so Gryga got no love. But I love him! even though he is terrible.

Marco Motta was there, making obscene gestures at the pitch. He did not screw up. I love Marco Motta!

Momo came on as a sub. I forget for who. Oh yeah, for Felipe Melo.

Melo did not fuck up. He got a yellow, but it was a bogus card. The Udinese guy took a dive, so this is one FM earned by reputation. How come Van Bommel never gets cards for reputation? Answer that, why dontcha?

Milos was there.

I take back what I said about him not really being blonde because (a) I'm one to talk and (2) I'm pretty sure he is actually a blonde.

Don't quote me because this is only a half-assed post, remember, but I think he got two assists. He was damn good, anyway. I love Milos. He can stay.

There was a decent-looking coach-type older guy on the touchline.

Not Not Ciro.

Pepe. Right.

OMG Y'all! It's time for the awesome boys who are awesome!

Vincenzo came on as a sub.

He really, really wanted a goal.

He didn't care who he had to choke to get his goal.

He is ex-Udinese, of course, like half the zebras, and he has a thing with the Udinese fans. I know not why, but here's the important part: they hate him, and he hates them back.

It has all made him quite mad, really.

Nothing to see here.

Just some random guys running around and stuff.

Not even sure why these are here, actually.

Anyway, when Vincenzo finally scored, and he did, oh yes he did, he went quite mental.

Hi, Samir! I love you!

Um, he taunted the fans to the point where Quags--QUAGS!-- came up and tried to get him to ease up a little.

I love Quags.

Oh good Lord.
Juventus Offside says they insulted Vincenzo's mother. Looks like he loves his mommy very very much.

Quags is still trying to drag him away. Hee!

So Bergonzi gave Vincenzo a yellow for his celebration and the Udinese tifosi spent the rest of the match whistling and booing whenever Vince touched the ball.

Vince got them back, though. At one point, he was fouled and he suffered a "massive injury." He rolled and writhed in "agony" for a while as the play continued on the other end of the pitch, which was clearly a gross injustice, not to mention callous.

Oh, how awful. I hope he doesn't need an amputation. I love him.

Because he was dying and no one seemed to care, Vince came up on his knees and gave the assistant a little what-for . That caught Bergonzi's attention. The ref jogged almost the entire length up the pitch, bent over Vincenzo's grotesquely contorted form, and shrieked...... well I'm not exactly sure because I don't speak Italian, but from context I'm pretty sure it was some variation of

GET YOUR ASS UP BEFORE I SEND YOU OFF

Mauro Bergonzi: he's no RoRo, but still. hmmm

Poor Vincenzo. He managed to continue on with the match, somehow. *dabs at tears*

Let's see. Other examples of awesomeness.

Claudio!!!!!

Remember the quiz? Is that your final answer?

AIR GUITAR! SO HELP ME GOD HE'S PLAYING AIR GUITAR! BECAUSE HE ROCKS!!1!!!

So, Claudio scored when Milos hit a cross to the center and Marchisio hit another screamer from distance.

Hiya, Gio! Nice of you to join us on this fine day.

So. There was the air guitar thing, which was regrettable. Was he trying to be Bill? or Ted? And then there were hugs. And then there was some love for the shirt, which is right here if you can drag your gaze away from those blue blue eyes of his.

Holy crap.

I love Claudio.

Jeez Louise. Let's change the subject. Hmmm. Who else is awesome?

Quags.

Quags is awesome.

LOLOLOL

I love Quags.

So his goal happened when Milos put a cross just a little behind him. He had to reach back and flick it in with a backheel. If Ronaldinho had done it, he'd be FIFA World Player of the Week. *eyeroll* But it was just Quags. Dear wonderful Quags.