Old Lady Post: Three Points. Whew.

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON OCTOBER 10, 2010

Juventus 3:1 Cesena




<3

It started out the same as it did last season.  Juve faces an inferior team, looks listless and uninspired, and gives up the lead early.  What makes this different is that Juve fought through the ennui and pulled out a win.  There were times when it didn't feel like it was going to turn out that way, but it did.  The Bianconeri have moved up to fourth in the table, four points back from Lazio (ty Roma).



First things first.  Remember this guy?





He used to be this awesome goalkeeper for Juventus, but he injured his back at the world cup  FIFA World Cup (tm) and ever since then, the press has been speculating that he is on his way out, probably to replace Eddie van der Sar.  (Well, fuck me! van der Sar is ex-Juventus.  Is there anyone who isn't?)  It Has Been Noticed that Gigi ain't exactly hanging around at Vinovo with his teammates, and when he did not attend picture day because of a prior engagement, the press decided he was sure to go to.......yeah, I just can't say it.  I won't.  It's unthinkable.  The press remarked that Gigi has not attended any Juve matches so far this year, so therefore, it must be that he is leaving.  Almost certainly because of this, Gigi was in the tribuna yesterday.  He flashed his pretty smile at the cameras when he was supposed,but once the match started, OMG did he look depressed and bored with only his phone to keep him company.  What did bored jocks used to do in the tribuna before cell phones were invented?  Why am I asking anyone here?  I'm probably the only one old enough to remember life before continuous connectivity.  Wow.  I really miss him.  Yup.  He can come over for dinner any time he wants.


*clears throat*


As usual, Marcostorari started in goal.  As usual, he was flawless.  As usual, the photographers ignored him.



Also, as usual, Leo started at center back.



It's a little scary to contemplate, but he was definitely the grown-up out there.


Meet his defensive partner:



I know!  Who the hell is that?



That is not Gio.




That is not Legrottaglie either.



The photogs found him very interesting.



Very, very interesting.  (What does a child his age need with compression shorts?)



Had enough yet?




We could go all day with this.





Right.  I'm bored.  So this gigantic blonde is Frederik Sorensen, Danish teenager, on loan from.......ummm *runs off to look it up*  ....Lyngby, of the Danish Superliga.  He's been working with the Primavera and I suppose he must be the best CB of the babies, cos here he is, filling in when Gio and Nick are broken.

TANGENT:  I miss Gio.  I hope he plays today against Brescia.

I can't decide if he's cute or not.  He reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where Jerry's date was lovely,but when you glanced away and then came back, she was mysteriously homely.  I suppose we'll find out.




Awww, lookit!  He's learning Italian!



Marcolino started on the right.



And this guy started on the left, along with his strange vampire teeth.  He wasn't completely terrible, but he's not any better than PDC.  There's one thing about him that is competely terrible.




Zee sideburns.  They are awful.




They've made me forget all about Lanza's hair.  Lanza, btw, was allegedly on the bench for the match, although I saw no proof of that.  I can't look it up because Brescia-Juve has started and all footie websites are embargoed until I've seen it.



As usual, Pepe started out in the wings.



He didn't suck.




I wondered what he looked like with hair.





But even more, I wonder what he'd look like with football excellence.



Momo started in the middle.



He did what he does.




Patrolling the midfield, stealing the ball with well-timed tackles.


proof of Marcostorari. Hey baby!  *blows kiss*


Sticking the leg out and hoping the ref didn't notice.





You'll all be shocked SHOCKED! to hear that he got a yellow and had to come out.  And so God's Favorite Brazilian came on in the 57th.





That didn't work out so well.  He wasn't really fit after his last injury and--HOORAY!!!!--injured himself again and had to come out.  *resists urge to look and see how long he will be out, because that would require going to footie sites*


*chants*  Lanza!  Lanza!  Lanza!

Wrong.  Brazzo, who is such an outcast that hisimage cannot be caught on film, (Stay with me, kids. See,  back in the old days, cameras used to have "film" in them, and you would take a picture and then take the film to be developed......), came on in the 77th.  For those of you who don't know/remember what he looks like, he's the one on the left:



*sigh*





*siiiiiiigh*


Wow.  That even made my dogs depressed and wistful for the distant past.  (There's no law that says you have to follow the links, you know.)






Right.  Ok then. Other midfielders.  Claudio!  Claudio played in the midfield.







I don't know what you think you see, but he is definitely not pulling on Nagatomo's jersey.


Albertino!  Albertino played in the midfield!





......aaaannnnnnnd, that's all there is.  A zillion of Pepe and Momo, and one each of Claudio and Albertino.  WHY?!?  Bunny is dejected.   BRB *makes like Gigi and goes off to fiddle with phone*


Ummm, strikers.


The old guy started again.




He turned 36 yesterday.   Only six more years until his junk falls off.


TANGENT:  Alessa is a Scorpio.  Dirtbunny's life is lousy with Scorpios.  I was going to try to do something clever with the alleged personal characteristics according to astrological sign, so I looked it up on Wiki.  Dirtbunny is a Capricorn.  What Wiki has to say about Capricorns made me laugh out loud.  So not me.  Then I read what it says about Scorpios.  Hahahahahahahaha!  I wonder if my parents lied to me about my birth date, cos there's some familiar-sounding shit.  Here's more knee-slapping comedy:

There are many variables that determine compatibility in astrology, such as birth dates, birth months, birth years, sign within the Sun, the Moon, Stars. The signs listed as compatible with Capricorn do not reflect an individual profile or individual reading as interpreted within astrology, but rather reflect a general guideline and reference to compatibility as dictated by variables such as Qualities and Elements within the Zodiac.

source  Astrology with a disclaimer!  Ain't that a hoot?

Back to Alex.




So, Cesena scored first, and I got that sinking icky feeling.  But in the 29th, Leo drew a penalty and we all know who the penalty-taker is.



Hee!  Leo and his Mouth Full o' Spooge!





It went in.  Of course.  I don't think he's missed one since the Peace Cup in 2009.




 Poor Sad Panda keeper.  *pats him*



There was prancing with tongue, as there always is.














And there was a power slide with new BFF Quaggie.





JOY!  So the zebes equalized equalised  thanks to Il Capitano, but Juventini know how it is.  Not enough.  Cannot lose to Cesena at home.  Need points for when they lose to Roma.  Hell--need points for when they lose to Palermo again.  




You know what that means.



Quags to the rescue!




i bet a zillion fiji dollars that our boy has an animal-print bikini just like that



And so, shortly before the half, Quagliarella put it in.



Giggetty giggetty.




It went in.  It counted.  Do we really care what it looked like?  (weirdo)



can't see the bald spot from this angle

RAWR?  Yes.







Prancing?  Absolutely.







Lookin' for hiz bb?  Of course.


Manpile?  *crosses fingers pleezopleez*





Score!  I just typed "sore" by mistake, but we're talking Quags here, so maybe the universe was trying to tell us something



Oh.  Oh no.  Marco, no.


1.  His hair is soft and lovely, isn't it?
2.  Nice relaxed hands.  That's good.  Caress her and gently direct her.  Don't just shove her down there. Nice technique.  However....
3.  ....This isn't Rome.  If he's going to do it, and I'm not saying whether he will or not, you are going to have to wait for the changing room.
4.  Really, it would be better if you earned it first.
5.  Which you haven't.
6.  You'll have better luck if you take your shirt off.


Yay for Quags!  But there was still a half to go and Juventini know how quickly it can all turn to merda.  They needed another goal.  If only Juventus had a center striker....            Oh, wait.  Vincenzo is "healthy" now.  Of blacks brings on Vincenzo in the 57th for ADP, who needs some fucking rest.





It didn't look like it was going to happen.



It didn't feel like it was going to happen either.  But then.....



in the 88th....



...it did.  It weren't pretty, but it went in.



I love his barmy celebration.



Flapping his hands around like that.  Silly boy.



Kinda hard to believe this is the same guy.




Vincenzo:  "squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"


And surprisingly enough, the score held for the remaining 2 minutes plus extra time and Juventus earned a valuable three points.  The photogs captured exactly one moment of post-match joy:



lovelovelove





The next game is away to Brescia and it is already over.  The next game after that is......onoz....Roma, on Saturday.  Oh dear.  Everybody might still be broken.  I don't know because of the embargo and whatnot.  But Inter plays Milan so they can't both get three points this week.  Here's hoping they play to a draw and Roma sends its under-performing squad of zombies instead of their en fuego miracle boys.



I can't remember who first connected Quagliarella with Quagmire (Marie maybe?) so I can't give proper credit. All I can say is I wasn't the first to think of this. And thank you.