ORIGINALLY POSTED ON AUGUST 30, 2010
Are you there, God? It's me, Fabio. No, the other Fabio. Fabio Quagliarella.
If you saw the match or read the reports, you don't need me to tell you that the Bari match was one big puddle of meh. ADP had to play too deep to be effective as a striker, Quags had a couple of shots that didn't work, Gio missed a perfect opportunity to head the ball in, the mids had trouble keeping possession, Lanza spent more time trying to kill pigeons in the stands behind the goal than he did aiming for the goal itself, and Martinez and Claudio got hurt.
"Wait a minute. Did you say Quags?"
Yes, I did, but more on that later.
The most important thing that happened this weekend was that David Trezeguet left to play for newly-promoted La Liga side Hercules, which sounds like a big slide downward in prestige, but it turns out that Hercules plays in Mrs. Trezeguet's home town, so that's actually sort of sweet.
Happier Times
I have never been impressed with Trez and the appellation "Trezegol" always made me snicker, but then I had no idea who Boniperti was and I only starting following football faithfully after Trez got hurt, and he never returned to his former glory after that. So I'm an idiot. What else is new? If you are not an idiot, you don't need to hear from me how sad this is for Juventus. It's at least on a par with Pavel Nedved's retirement. If you are an idiot like me, please be informed that Trez was in Bianconeri for 10 years, he followed the squadra down during relegation, and he has an incredible goals-per-appearances record. I was hoping he would leave, but I think I was wrong about that, and now I feel bad that he's gone.
*sigh* Goodbye to an extraordinary center striker. But that's OK. Juve still has Amauri and Iaquinta. What? They're both broken? No worries. Here comes (
Our new number 18. Let's hope he erases all memory of the previous number 18.
Yeah. So Quags signed on Friday and he started on Sunday and it has not yet proven to be a transformative acquisition. It's only fair to give him some time to, I don't know, actually train with the rest of the team. Maybe some of us still hate him, but a lot of us became reluctant Quags-tifosi after the 2010 World Cup when he was one of the few Azzurri who 1: tried and 2: cared. There's no question that he has the capacity to be fabulously creative and dynamic, something which Juve needs. Badly. So Welcome to Quags.
Because Quags was new, or maybe just because he's Quags, the photogs went crazy-go-nuts over him.
There. You just took the tongue test. How did you do? Yum? or Ick? I got "Ick."
There was some try.....
...and some blurry, pixelated fail.....
....and some ordinary fail.
Three more Quags-related thoughts:
NUMBER 1: Jean-Francois Gillet is a fucking Belgian Beast. I can never decide whether I love him or hate him, but now I know that I hate him when Juve plays Bari.
NUMBER 2: There are rumblings that Quags was not so happy to be transferred and this was something that Zio Aurelio cooked up rather than something that Quags wanted. Maybe it's true, maybe not, but Quags has been graceful (gag--I can't believe I said that *shakes fist* Damn you Quagiarella!) about the whole thing when he could be a whiny complainer. Props to him for that.
NUMBER 3: He's still a bit of a whiny complainer on the pitch, but now he's our whiny complainer.
Guess which other new guy played? Not Albertino. He didn't even make the call-up sheet. Well, if he passed his medical, then why the hell not? I suspect treachery.
Nope, the other new guy.
The Hairz were there, even if Amauri was not.
Milos Krasic. Can we call a moratorium on all this New Nevded business? Krasic is not Czech.
I also suspect he is not blonde.
And he isn't yet brilliant in zebra stripes. It's too early to judge, and he put in a nice effort out there on the right wing. Great things are expected, but comparisons with Nedved are a little unfair at this point.
Anyway, I'm glad he's here. Welcome.
So Milos went off at the half and Martinez came on.
Look! He's mobile!
Don't get used to it.
These were all taken before he blew out his knee.
OK, "blew out his knee" is probably the most negative way of putting it. His knee hurts, but he had to keep playing on it because this guy:
...used up all his subs by minute 63. Hold the phone. "Blew his knee" isn't so out of line after all. He'll be out for a month. Well, fuckity fuck fuck.
Caudio is also hurt. Cesare sent him home from Azzurri camp and he will not play in the upcoming Euro qualifiers. It's not yet clear how serious his injury is.
UPDATE: Claudio is expected to be out for three weeks.
Wow. These photos are small and crappy.
That's better. I don't know about you, but I think his thighs look just fine from the outside.
nnnggghhh. Il Principino got hisself a yellow card. Also, he got taken on possession near Storari's box, which led to Bari's goal.
ADP:
He spent a lot of time complaining about how Bari was beating up on him and not getting called. He was right. I wonder if LDN has any idea how old and fragile ADP is. He played 90 minutes on Thursday and 90 minutes again on Sunday.
He's not hurt, apparently, but he's got to be dog tired. I wonder just how many minutes LDN thinks he can play in a week.
ADP 90 minutes a game, every game? Well, yes. Of course we'd all wet ourselves from joy. Realistically *covers his ears* he can't do it, and LDN is going to break him if he doesn't back off. If that happens, LDN will have more trouble from me than just the misfortune of being Not Ciro.
I suppose it's fortuitous that we're at the international break so he can get a little extra rest.
Yummy.
Back to the midfield. So potentially awesome Milos is a right-winger *snerk* which means Pepe, who also a right-winger, sat on the bench, right?
Wrong. Pepe started on the left. When Martinez came in, Pepe went back to the right and did what he does, because he is Versa-Tile. And he is. Just like on the right, when he plays on the left, he does a lot of running around without accomplishing much of anything.
He committed no big howlers this week. LDN subbed him out in minute 57 for....
Lanzafame and his saggy socks. He hurled a lot of so-called shots into the curva yesterday. This looks like one of them.
Settle down, young man. Practice your finishing.
(Oh God. The hair.)
It's not that Lanza sucked. None of them did. They had a solid share of the possession and a lot of effort, but the decision-making in midfield was not so great and led to too many intercepted passes, not to mention too many outright steals. I rate them: Meh.
God's Favorite Brazilian is back, in a good way.
Awwww, come on, give him a break. Most of you probably have no idea how hard it is to keep yer traps shut and pretend to be sincere and humble. I do, bb, I do. No one can stifle himself forever.
He was like all the other mids: Meh. This, actually, is great, considering that most of last year he sucked. He seems to be doing well in the 4-4-2, cos he gets to do some holding mid stuff and some attacking stuff.
He played hard without getting dirty or reckless.
OK, so there was that one foul that amounted to a gratuitous shove that really didn't have any purpose, but no cards......
....and only a wee bit of attitude, certainly no worse than anyone else.
Melo went off at minute 62, thereby dooming Marchisio and Martinez to play with injuries and ADP to play with aging and degeneration.
Momo the Dead Guy came in his. His performance was Meh.
Also Meh? The fullbacks.
Muscles! Lickable muscles!
Um, that's not much of a jump, Big Guy.
Running around without accomplishing much? Yeah. Him too.
Bring it baby, bring it. Also: Those are not the neck veins of a child. No sir. He's a grown-up.
There was a little less love for the Marcolino yesterday.
Now there's the bicep I've been waiting for. Finally. Let's try it with the shirt off next time, mkay?
Marco was also Meh.
As was Leo.
Yeah. This was Bari's goal, just after Claudio blew it. Perhaps Leo was a wee bit late here.
Perhaps. By the time he noticed Claudio's fuck-up, he didn't have time to close the distance, and, well, it went in. Also, he got a yellow.
Marcostorari was in goal. He got clonked on the head and had to wear a bandage and panty until the physio could glue him up properly at half time. He has little ear holes cut out! Hee. &hearts I mean RAWR!
Rawr indeed.
Giorgio was easily Juve's best player. Everyone else, Storari excluded, was Meh, so he did what he do, which is EVERYTHING. He covered for the other defenders who were out and about committing Meh, and he came forward for the attack, running with the ball and distributing it. Towards the end, he had a golden, glorious open header on goal.
It didn't go in. *pats him*
So how depressed are you? Not depressed enough. It is confirmed that Martin Caceres is going to Sevilla. That means he and his pretty hair are not coming back to Juve, for those of us who held on to a shadow of a hope. Also, Zlatan has returned to Italia, which means he's off my shit list. Predictably, he's still acting a tit.
Man. I need to be cheered up. I think I need some RAWR! Time to go back to Gio and Leo:
nnnggh. Look, Martha! EYEBROWS! *dies*
Next match is September 12 at th Stadio Olimpico against *gulp* Samp.
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