Old Lady Post: Now with a Title!

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON AUGUST 23,  2010

Issue number 1:  My oh my but you bitchez have a most impressive collection of Claudio icons! 


Issue number 2:  Serie A finally finally finally starts this weekend, but the transfer window stays open until August 30.   Please correct me if I'm wrong about that. 





Arriving at Malpensa, "crazy with joy."





Issue number 3:  Big big big news this weekend.  I know Marie  already posted about this, but I started mine before she finished hers.  I think she's sitting shiva or something, so let's not gloat, mkay?

 'Tis true:  Alberto Aquilani has joined Juventus on loan from Liverpool, with an option to buy at 16 million Euros at the end of the year, .............aaaaaaaaaand    He.  Passed.  His.  Medical.  Exam.  \o/   So sez The Offside anyway.  I'm not sure what tests they ran.  Whatever he's had to endure sitting on the bench for the Reds all year, and I'm sure it was awful, it was probably a little less physical than what he can expect in Turin.   If it were me, and if I wanted to see how he would stand up in regular Serie A play, I think I'd have Mario Yepes come at him studs-up; and Walter Samuel give him an elbow in the eye socket; have Cassano fling kits at him; have Rino Gattuso give him the hair-dryer treatment;  make him chase Javier Pastore around for 96 minutes (man was I pissed when I found out he wasn't Italian, tho maybe I should have guessed); let Lucio borrow him for ripping-arms-off-opponents practice; and have Matty Flamini kick him in the nads a few times.   Bygones.  He passed and now he is One Of Us. 


 

He is officially healthy, which he hasn't been since I started following calcio, so I am ready for the magic.  WooHoo!   Also Gio adores him in a way that is either endearingly, enthusiastically innocent or creepily unnatural, (it must be true because it used to be on Wiki before it was taken down) and anything that makes Gio happy makes Dirtbunny happy.  On the other hand, maybe Gio loves Albertino more than Albertino loves him.  Hold the phone.  Russell Crowe likes Lazio???  That's it.  It is so over with him.  Oh, and The Offside also thinks he's buds with Claudio which is fine, as long as it doesn't interfere with the Marchisio + Bonucci manlove fest. 

Oooh.  One more bonus.  Albertino is apparently not cup-tied even though he played in the Europa League matches against ..... that team from Skopje and I don't understand how it is possible for him not to be cup-tied.


Issue number 4:  Krasic has arrived.  Krasic has been presented.  Krasic has been assigned no. 27.   He wanted 17, but that's Trez and Trez is not dead yet.


Issue number 5:   Trofeo Berlusconi:  The Hairz Were There







Ciro was not.






There was this thing last weekend called Trofeo Berlusconi that I didn't see.    Apparently, Juve won on PKs, but beyond that, I can't figure out what happened because the match report I  have was obviously run through Google Translate or something similar.  Nick was apparently pleased with the results of his compartment, for example.


Let's begin with a pre-game mosey, starring  a backwards baseball cap that has me thinking "Amauri, baby, let your hair go home and let's see what happens"


  
He is kinda pretty, right? 
And is it not true that all the girls with straight hair want curly hair and all the girls with curly hair want straight hair?


This might be the starting lineup:

There's eleven of 'em, and one is a keeper, and there's an appropriate numerical mix of defenders, mids, and strikers.



Let's see.  Manninger!, his pink cheeks, and his demented intensity were all there:






Manninger! and Marcolino:





Marcolino scored a PK, I think:


He did a wee little fist pump.  &hearts


PDC was there on the other side:




Nothing about Bonucci, But Nick was there, looking less bored than usual.


Hey baby.  Are you complaining about a bad call?




Working.





Nick:  "You!  I remember you from the nazionale!  Still feel bad about getting left home?"
Borri:  "Have you seen my girlfriend's ta-tas?  Hell no I don't  feel bad."
Nick:  *wonders What means ta-tas?*


Gio, also, was there because he is utterly indispensable (shh.  don't tell ADP I said that)


Has anyone else noticed that he gets caught in this albatross pose an awful lot?


Not that I mind, of course.



Dear sweet Gryga was permitted some playing time:

Stil love him.  Still think he's terrible.  *pats him*



Martinez:  Finally noticed by photogs





And here's Pepe, standing around watching his friends play football:


Why is he stationary?




OK, he moved around too.



One more in which he doesn't look like an idiot:





...and if anyone can explain to me what the deal is with him and Ambrosini...




....yeah, never mind.  I don't really want to know.  And the saggy socks are not helping him.


Melo was there:




The Felipe Melo In My Head is patiently, slowly, working his way back with sturdy, honorable play.


No Lanzafame.  :(  Not my fault.  But here's some Claudio!






Wow.  If I can't figure out the new zebras, how am I ever going to cope with new people on other teams?





Diego:



It looks from this angle like Rino is about to cleat him on the ankle.  Hope not, but looks like it.



I think Trez was allowed some playing time, but I can't prove it.  ADP was definitely there:



Different boots today.  And another too-short haircut.





WAIT!  ISN'T THAT HALF OF TREZ'S FACE OVER THERE ON THE RIGHT?  Check it.  Bunny was actually able to divert her attention from her pretend boyfriend long enough to notice a partial Trez.  *iz proud*


Getting fouled






Teaching Pirlo the steps to the big closing dance number



Hanging with Pirlo and getting fouled



Taking free kicks.  Why is Sleepy not jumping?  Isn't he supposed to go up with the rest of the wall?  Or is the rest of the wall supposed to stay down with him?  Somebody got it wrong here.
(LOL Milan.  Borri trying to hide behind Antonini to protect his pretty face, Ambro facing it head-on and not caring if it smacks him in the jewels)


And, of course,



getting taken out before he's ready to come off.


Was there Amauri?


You bet there was!



Damn.  Ambrosini doesn't give up, does he?



At the end of it all, there was a trophy


Fester:  checks his breath before he moves in for a wet one and some dry humping





Boyz with trophy!  And Trez is smiling!



WHY is Trez smiling?  Does he like shiny things, or does he know something we don't know?  God, I hate the transfer season.







 Issue number 6:  And finally, from THE DEPARTMENT OF THINGS JUVENTINI NEVER GET TIRED OF, here's someone getting ready to score goal number 250 in the snow:


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dffpwjnrpojvye ppfvow sorwh  eo9en pd pwefjrtbj skjwroun dfpjerno fdwfiohjrnmm wrqjnjj eep! afgiohthhn b= e fafhrh
ihffjbrg f q45q  jg09og mgj mmmm mmmmm rih9rgthbv  rq98utn  fgjh9qrhn f uyhrruuuu nfrnnfbf  duuuuuuuuuuuuhh fonhgnpnen fiqubjnf oihnphffb  tiuh.  Jwdifhrqefn qfjnqryfn nfdweoi defw9  nnnngggghhhh phqggtgd fvvh gf9ynbg krfgnf iihvgbg vfb i afbwrb syefbf .  Afbwrb Syefbf! Qvibydf  fvoi foiwuen dfjheuyf, mdf ohoiyrebdcaa qhrodflss ewufkjhFIU.  aghrfn d.uhdfbbn873jhdf & fohfhn?  fhiuytn iu9y8BEh dihgiuhrb .  Okay?  Bye bye now!  Ciao!