Warning: My space bar is on the blink. I'm trying to catch them all, but I just found a "but then" that came out "butt hen," so please read generously.
It's happening again. Another horrid start marked by defensive fail, a brief rally and a few goals attributable to the other team's horrid defense, a moment of brilliance to make pride and joy swell in your heart, a long and tense slog to the final whistle, and conceding a goal in extra time to finish in a 3-3 draw. Lucky me: I got the Ray Hudson edition, which means I got to listen to him give his two-years-out-of-date Juventus information, refer to my pretend boyfriend as "Little Alex" as though he was a shih-tzu or something, and to hear his broadcast partner Phil Schoen mangle Italian pronunciations. Have you met our leftback, Dee Shegglee?
It's the matches like this that are the killers for me. You can see that they have it in them if only they could keep their concentration for the whole game. You think maybe they'll pull it off, maybe, but then you see the laziness and complacency start to show and then, well, the fail comes.
Sinisa's not the only one who could use a decent tailor.
I couldn't figure out how to download some of the best stuff, but there's still plenty to see right this way.....
It all started, as it usually does, with a presser.
I know exactly which spot on his neck I would bite, if only I could get close enough.
And then there was some training, and because the match was in Turin, it was regular training with the regular guys, plus a couple of foxy but anonymous Primavera whose photos got eaten by my laptop, which appreciates a tasty meal and prefers them young and cute rather than all growed up. Maybe if I give it some Nando, it'll give me back my space key:
Let's see if that'll hold him.
So, zebes:
What the fuck is wrong with Pepe? Is he really that lonely, or is he just ready to go all the time?
Marco, looking especially pretty.
Brazzo! He lives! Um, hey Grosso. *eyeroll*
Albertino! Is it just me, or does he seem kind of.....dim?
So, they say he's healthy, and they make him jog in front of photographers. He's at least ambulatory, so when are we going to see his ass on the pitch?
It just might be possible that Lanza is growing out the moronic hairdo. Maybe. And as for the other one, well, he knows what he did. A mere smile isn't going to cut it.
Milos, working instead of standing around and sharing beauty tips.
Quagliarella
Pretending to listen to Il Mister.
Enough stalling. On with the match.
Some of the Poles were reeeeeaaaallllllly excited to see Ale. He's wise to look cautious.
Manninger started in goal.
Yeah. I'm not sure what was going on here, but it certainly got his hair all excited.
Manninger failed to save a penalty (more on that later). You can't really blame him for that. However he--along with the entire rest of the defense--was responsible for the second goal. JFC, did they suck.
Mmm hmmm. There it is. This is the only match photo of Lanza, so enjoy his saggy socks while you can. And, nice try, baby, but he was not offside. Wait a minute, you ask. Where in the fuck are the defenders? They are off-screen over to the left. Having failed to make anything approaching a clearance, Nick, Gio, and Manninger have fumbled around wallowing in fail before dribbling the ball out in front of an open goal mouth. Because that hat-trick-scoring Latvian child is not in Bianconceri, he did not miss.
*crickets*
I love him, but he's not ready for this yet.
Of course, he hasn't got a decent fullback in the dressing room he can learn from. Gio doesn't count.
He went off at about 44:30. Not Ciro didn't bother to wait until halftime. Paolo is ouchy and he will be out for two weeks.
Never fear. Marco's here!
He did exactly how you probably think he did. *sigh*
Nick started in the center.
He's, um, a little rusty.
I think Leo's starting position is safe.
If Marco didn't start, then who played on the right? Oh no......
Oh yes. Hello there, Gryga.
Oh dear. Um, honey? You're beaten. Let go of his shirt.
The photographers LOVED him.
Do I have to say it? He was, um, not so great. But hey,no problem, because Not Ciro fielded two holding mids to watch the back. First, Felipe Melo.
He wasn't exactly awful.
However, in minute 13 he got dispossessed, so to "make up for it," he decided to defend full tilt. When he got to the box, he lifted up his boot and clipped the striker and hooray. Penalty. And a yellow card.
He's thinking now, sure. Try thinking before you make a donkey play. Ray Hudson called it "barging in like a Clydesdale." That's just about right.
Hat-trick-scoring Latvian did not miss.
Alessa was so distraught, he doubled over in pain and.....
.
...oh. tied his shoe. Never mind.
...oh. tied his shoe. Never mind.
There's only one Juventino who is still wearing doucheboots.
He did what he does, charging around, going up for headers, body checking guys in the middle of nowhere for no particular reason, earning yellow cards.
Around here, it is a well-known fact that the driver of a motor vehicle can convert any patch of road into a legal parking space simply by turning on the hazard lights. Lights are blinking? Then the laws don't apply to you. It's a pretty handy device.
This is Momo's football equivalent: "See? I didn't touch him."
Lanza started. No one cared. He's in trouble. He tries hard. He runs end to end. He tracks back on defense and he at least tries for goal. But he's got no finish, and no finesse. Assuming that Aquilani is healthy WHICH I AM SERIOUSLY BEGINNING TO DOUBT I can't see Lanza getting a lot of playing time, and that would be a tragedy.
Lanza came off in the 56th for Pepe. Oh joy.
He. Can. Not. Complete. A Pass. Plus, listening to Ray H go on about him made me want to smash my television. I don't..... I can't...... Why does.......... AAAAAUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH! It's so frustrating! Let's just fucking move on. *slow shaky breath*
Now this is a midfielder. A midfielder who is not loved by the photographers this week.
A midfielder who is no doubt beginning to wonder whether he took the wrong exit off the highway and ended up in Siena.
While Milos finishes his suffering, let's give credit where it is due.
Artjoms Rudnevs. Latvian. Capricorn. Striker. Kinda cute. Congratulations on your hat trick motherfucker
Leonardo Bonucci. Roman. Taurus. Defender. Completely hot. Please don't ever leave us.
He's not back yet.
His timing is for shit. Milos fed him beautifully a half dozen times, but Vince was never where he needed to be to get on the end of it. He needs a lot more work with Milos to develop a workable understanding.
Vince came off in the 70th for Marchisio, who is supposed to still be injured. There is not a single effing photo of him in the bunch.
No Claudio = sad but that means there's a little more room for Giorgio, the best center striker on the squadra.
He was part of the defensive clusterfuck behind the Poles' second goal, but he got in some clearances too.
Gio the Undead.
And he made a few stunningly beautiful tackles.
And he interfered with the Polish attack.
And he scored two goals. Both were off set pieces, and both were lucky, sloppy, and ugly and the product of grave defensive lapses in the box.
This is the first one, a header from a botched clearance after a near miss on a free kick.
The second was a tap-in off a botched clearance from a very nice corner kick.
I think this is the second. They're in the box, and the Poles are all wearing the unmistakeable expression of "Oh Shit."
Celebrations! I mixed them all up because I can't tell which is which.
Running and pointing and making faces.
Refusing to be hugged.
Let go of me!
Someone's just really really happy that the penalty he gave up might not cost them three points. (Only two points.)
I'm so glad I found this one. At one point, he was actually beating his chest exactly like a gorilla does in the cartoons. See!?!
Fist pump of rawr
Yikes.
They were fluky, but they count. He made them. Vince was around, and Vince didn't put it in the hole. Giorgio put it in the hole. All credit to Gio.
Of course, he couldn't have done it without his assist man, my imaginary boyfriend.
Dude was werkin it.
Oh my. *fans self*
He also spent a lot of time on his butt. They fouled him pretty hard all day. Two fouls on Ale resulted in cards.
You are not allowed to grab someone around the neck and throw him down
He's not too old. He can still hit a screamer in the run of play from distance.
With his left foot.
Well over 300 goals scored, and he's still not jaded.
handsssss
Sometimes, it's best if I just keep my thoughts inside my head.
Fuck off, Melo. As if you had anything to do with it.
Uh oh. Here comes Motta. Shields up!
Don't hurt him!
eeeeeezzzeeeee does it.
*whimpers and shifts uncomfortably in chair*
Watch it, Marco. He isn't yours. He belongs to
I know you see it, juventini. He's practically naked compared to usual.
After that, some bad stuff happened in extra time and I'm still not exactly sure how it all went down except that the Bianconeri apparently thought the game was over about a minute before the ref blew the final whistle. Because the Poles are not used to the customs in Turin, they didn't know it was nap time and kept playing football. And that sucked.
Great. Now I'm depressed, and I still have a birthday party to go to. I need a little pickmeup.
Yeah. That's better.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR PAOLO
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
Paolo De Ceglie, born September 17, 24 years ago today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR PAOLO
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
Paolo De Ceglie, born September 17, 24 years ago today.
In Azzurrini
In Bianconeri
Giving his all until the end when he ends up in a crumpled heap like the warrior he is.
Get well soon, kiddo.
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